I (45m) am in the early stages of divorcing my wife (41f). We live in FL, no kids, no physical assets aside from my 401K which we have been withdrawing from the last few years to stay afloat. Also, we share one vehicle. We are 6.5 years married now and have a unique situation. Looking for support here, among other places like therapy. Spouse is diagnosed BPD, self-medicates with Xanax and THC on a daily basis. There is a long history of her gaslighting me and isolating me from friends and family. Most have backed away recognizing the toxic nature of my situation and will likely be thrilled I am leaving. I guess I just hit a wall this last time when she fabricated evidence on her phone of me talking with a male/female couple which I clearly did not do. If I did do it, I would own it. She quickly erased any data from her phone that would allow us to diffuse or resolve. When I presented my phone to her; she would not back down. I think she realized her gig was up and this has exacerbated the whole thing. What makes this complicated is I’m a breadwinner and she is currently unemployed and likes to job-surf. She has trouble keeping a job due to mental health issues. I know already I am going to be on hook with alimony because of this (we live in FL which is no fault). There is also a long history of us having epic fights with police getting involved at times. I was at such a low one time I threatened to kill myself which got me baker-acted for a week. That was fun (it was a cry for help and attention - I wasn’t serious apparently). She refuses to recognize her role in triggering me there and continues to dangle that over my head that I need more help than she does. I enjoy drinking but not her particular party favors, which leads to just being annoyed by it with each other. She quickly labels me a drunk though I’ve held my same job for 24 years now and have never been diagnosed with this disease from my therapist or physician. Just her stupid opinion. She’ll tell me her whole family is worried about my health. Even my own family sees through her antics.

6 days ago, I grew the balls to tell her I wanted a divorce. Shook her world up as she had no idea how miserable I’ve been for 7 years dealing with her brand of reality. I have had enough. Spoke to lawyer this week and had major sticker shock with the alimony process in FL. Despite the clear history of abusiveness, she stands to walk away with thousands a month and never have to work again for the next 4 years. That should be criminal at best. I am looking for advice on how to talk negotiations and agree on an amicable number with her. One day, she will start in a good mood with agreeable nature, ending the day in a massive emotional fight and forgetting about the morning’s conversations (that were productive). The next day, she flips and does the opposite. I can’t seem to move this forward without the prospect of some long, looming divorce with attorneys and full contest over the dollar amount of alimony. I’m trying to save her tens of thousands on court and legal fees and preventing her private details around mental health and substances being exposed to the court, as am I worried about her doing the same to me. Amicable with a settlement would be the way to go. Anyone been through this and can give advice? We are stuck living in same house for next few weeks if not longer (I do have a safe space should she start throwing things, slamming doors, breaking things, screaming). I prefer to get away and get her apart from me as quickly as possible but money is limited. Any help would be welcome. Thanks dudes!