Meeting his mom

CountTheBees · 2024-10-01T09:03:27+00:00

It's impossible to predict!

But some general advice. I find that most mothers will want a woman who doesn't argue with her son, doesn't interrupt him, doesn't try to compete with him or try to put him down. These impulses can be really strong especially because you want to make a good impression and you think your boyfriend won't mind if you do any or some of the above, and making a "harmless" joke at his expense to show your sense of humour doesn't seem that bad but don't do it! It will work against you.

Example. First time I met my ex boyfriend's mother she gave him a cup that said "Mr Happy" on it. In my opinion he came off very much like a Whinging Pom so calling him happy was a bit of a reach XD I said something like "He's not actually Mr Happy very often, is he?" And she replied "oh... most of the time" but it became clear she was trying to present a good impression of her son.

RedPillDad · 2024-10-01T12:33:34+00:00

Honor her as the mother who raised the man you love. Go into this looking to raise her spirits instead of your own. She might come across as highly judgmental, but she is the mama bear and this is her cub.

Ask for stories about his childhood. The more she talks, the less you have to. All you have to do is nod and smile.

Ask for advice. Just as her son turns to her for advice, so can you. Be agreeable to her recommendations even if you feel an urge to make counter-arguments.

Unless she's domineering, manipulative or afflicted with misplaced jealousy, this should go smoothly.

My wife was very quiet and sweet when she met my parents. My father came to me and said, "I don't know how you did it, but grab her with both hands and run." My parents clearly approved.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2024-10-01T13:35:10+00:00

Bring a homemade baked good or other hostess gift that you think she would like, as in ask a couple questions about her to get a sense of her tastes. Like you don’t want to bring a bottle of wine if she doesn’t drink, don’t want to make lemon bars if she’s allergic, etc.

Be positive, not complainy, even jokingly. Demonstrate that you’re a nice positive person. Don’t talk about past relationships, even if it is to put your current boyfriend in a positive light. Don’t speak badly about your own family or personal history. Be the Goddess of Fun and Light!!

And if she is serving food or anything, offer to help. And thank her for having you to visit when you leave. If she seems very formal, she may even appreciate a thank you note sent afterwards, at least it would make you stand out!! lol

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-10-01T15:51:37+00:00

Ask her about herself. If your boyfriend has told you anything about her that is particularly memorable (she cooks the best xyz, she has the best singing voice, etc) you can bring that up and be like boyfriend told me you are AMAZING at xyz how did you learn that?? (Or something similar, just ask a question in a way that hypes her up or acts super interested in her).

Ask her about what your boyfriend was like when he was younger, what her favorite stories are about him as a kid.

Generally say nice things about him, don’t pile on if she teases him or makes jokes at his expense - she can do that as his mom but don’t pile on. You can always just politely laugh and then say something positive about him in return, or kind of laugh it off like “I think he turned out alright tho, you really raised an amazing son!”

Independent-Story883 · 2024-10-01T19:35:08+00:00

Generally you should conservatively dress in a way that still demonstrates your authentic personality. Be relaxed, helpful and receptive.

Beforehand, Ask beau of “ funny, lively “ stories of his girlfriends that she has met, the men she has had in her life. Learn from what he shares.

Mothers and sons are a unique bond. She knows her son. You will know the kind of man your son will become. Remember, She knows your bf father, even if they never married, and knows what traits he is exhibiting from daddy.

Believe it or not. All (potential ) MIL want is a good fit for their son. Some see a date as a woman who is coming to steal their precious, perfect son away. So no gf will be perfect in their eyes.

Resist the urge to disclose details of your relationship that can later be used against you.

You: “Geez, I tell you it is so hard cooking Johns favorite dish, pasta. It so time consuming “

MIL hears “ I hate feeding your perfect son, I will not have time for him”

Keep conversations light, simple. praise her raising son ability even if nonexistent. Talk about what you bring to the table. How you plan to be a dedicated caring partner. That's it.

If she brings up a negative about him, just smile and answer. “Oh that's something I never seen” / “oh I have my ways of dealing with that”/or say nothing at all

Listen to her warnings if she offers them up, but don't discuss in her presence. Demonstrate a strong bond between you and your man. Why do this in front of her?

You are in “love” , are you not?

You are the one who will take him in, upgrade his life, and ignore his weaknesses.

You are a prize and the one who will bring her beautiful healthy perfect children she can brag to her friends about.

The one woman that proves she was a good mother.

That's who you are.

Or at least that's who she will hope you will be. If she doesn't think so- she will hint at it or say it bluntly. Again Just ignore.

Her: “You know John broke up with his last girlfriend, apparently because he was cheating with you. Probably good because he used to get in a lot of physical fights. He put her in the hospital “

You: “ Oh wow! I have never seen that side of john. “ followed by a silent smile.

If he is a good man. And you want to marry him. Learn to make peace with his mommy. That is his first girlfriend. You don't have to be besties. Some MIL like the idea of gaining a bestie daughter. But to be honest that pulls you away from your man. He will not share his thoughts, and his desires with you because he is concerned you will just run back and blab it to mommy. He loses you as an emotional outlet. Over years this can open him up to emotional infedility. I believe your first allegiance should be to husband. Keep your relationship tight and strong.

That's my two cents.

AutoModerator · 2024-10-01T08:28:59+00:00

Title: Meeting his mom

Author satisfactorymouse

Full text: Does anyone have tips on making a good first impression? I don't even know if I'll ever get to that point with the guy I'm currently seeing, but I'd like to be prepared just in case, especially since he mentioned it recently 😅

For context, she is rather conservative/traditional. She mostly just wants "a nice daughter-in-law" and biological grandchildren. Somewhat paradoxically she was very career-focused, so he didn't get to see her much growing up, which is one of the reasons he wants a wife who prioritizes family. They seem pretty close; he goes to her for relationship advice, and her approval is important to him. This is just me repeating what he's told me and taking it at face value, by the way.

Of course there's no "one size fits all", but based on the above, can you think of anything I should do/say or avoid? Alternatively, are there any good general rules of thumb when it comes to how to behave? Nothing is too basic, it's safe to assume I know next to nothing 🤣 I only recently resolved to seriously try to improve my abysmal social skills and fear it may be too late. I could totally see myself being in a great relationship on the marriage track and then blowing it by being weird in front of my would-have-been MIL, lol 😭

Thanks in advance! 🙏

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Cheesycatbiscuit · 2024-10-01T11:52:48+00:00

Waiting to see what people say because I want some tips as well

Title	Meeting his mom
Author	satisfactorymouse
Upvotes	6
Comments	15
Date	October 1, 2024 8:28 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ftj6x0/meeting_his_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/meeting-his-mom.1531763 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531763

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