Reluctant about monogamy

cherrydreamz_ · 2024-11-07T08:15:15+00:00

If he has married another women and never had kids, the likely hood that he's going to waste your most fertile years is very high. If you really think he's the one, I would be very clear about what your timeline looks like i.e. get engaged within a year, start trying for kids right after marriage, etc. whatever it may be.

The 16 year age gap is also...concerning. And I am someone who has dated older as well, so no judgment! But sometimes these men look at younger women precisely because they don't think they're ready for commitment and know the woman won't pressure them to have kids for a couple more years.

Wanting an open relationship is really just looking for an excuse to cheat. If a man (or woman) is asking for an open relationship, 9/10 he already has another woman lined up he wants to be with. So, take that into consideration as well. You're at the prime of your youth, don't let a dusty non committal man take advantage of that!

InksPenandPaper · 2024-11-08T00:00:43+00:00

If he asked his previous wife for a one-sided open marriagesl and gave her no kids, you can expect a repeat and a waste of your time.

He's not a good fit for you.

Leonhart93 · 2024-11-07T09:06:45+00:00

You know the old adage "past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior"? He had an one sided open relationship with his ex in the past, which doesn't reflect well at all. I would say chances are substantial he will revert to that in the future.

But still, people can change but the very difficult thing about sexual past is that early on you never have clear evidence that a behavior is pretense and temporarily true or permanently true. It's always a long gamble. Some pretty darn clear signs of loyality should be there to be convincing.

emerald_e · 2024-11-07T13:38:03+00:00

Run, run , run. He's 40. If he hasn't settled down yet and is still talking like this, he's a walking red flag. Sounds like he'd basically be using you to have kids and my bet is he would just bide his time about bringing up an open relationship again, once he got what he wanted from you.

Above all else a man should make you feel safe. I personally wouldn't know a day's peace with a man like this. At 24 you can do so much better - don't throw away your best years on him.

serene_brutality · 2024-11-07T12:56:13+00:00

Lots to be suspicious of here. Do you feel like he’s being 100% honest here or just trickle-truthing you just enough to keep you around?

The whole one-sided open relationship thing really throws me, unless there is some kind of issue where one party doesn’t want or can’t have sex, how does one even ask for that? It does give weight to the idea that he’s one of those who are only out for themselves, unless he’s some kind of super hot, rich guy that has all the women fighting for him, he’s just off.

WonderfulBarracuda93 · 2024-11-07T21:56:17+00:00

My male opinion here, take it for what it’s worth.

Such a man who wants a non monogamous one sided (his side) marriage is not a red pilled man. Yes he may be aware of some red pill knowledge regarding men and women and relationships, but he is a swinger, which means he may never be exclusively yours and you will be looking over your shoulder if some of the other things I write come up. Red pilled men are traditional men typically, monogamous, old school structure, order and values. Although there are many that say they are such but redefine it to permit cheating etc, but others under certain conditions.
He has broken his first marriage down based on his lust. He desired sex from other women as well as his wife. Without knowing how his wife was or wasn’t to him sexually, this in general is a calloused selfish man who desires his lust over keeping his wife. You have been warned.
A man or woman as such shows they need very strong sexual stimulation, mental and physical. They tire and bore easily and as such they wander in their mind and end up cheating. You will need to be a woman who continually keeps him stimulated mentally and physically so that doesn’t occur.
Sex is a very large priority for the higher sex drive spouse in marriage, but there are some who need to rein it in and drink waters from their own cistern not others.

I can only see this as a very big red flag, especially given you are not for it and that it seems he destroyed his first marriage based on it.

Also, be aware of some red pill teachings regarding a woman’s base nature if she chooses to walk in such, that many will come after the man who is like this towards them, sadly, a lot of women respect and stay with men who cheat, and dump the man who treats them well and doesn’t. Therefore, Check your values, not your emotions on this, and be a red pilled woman which ‘thinks’ over being emotional, it’s your future, he told you up front, don’t mourn later.

Just my thoughts

AutoModerator · 2024-11-07T08:03:28+00:00

Title: Reluctant about monogamy

Author satisfactorymouse

Full text: I (24F) have been seeing someone (40M) who seems to be a perfect match for me in some ways — mutual attraction, similar lifestyles/interests, shared goals/values, etc. — but I'm not sure if he's quite ready to settle down. He's been married once and that was one of the reasons they separated; he wanted a one-sided open relationship, and she thought she'd be cool with it... until she wasn't. They never had children, and now he's saying that since having a family is super important to him, he'd be willing to commit to one partner if that's what it takes.

I'm conflicted... I adore him and he's good to me, but I don't want to potentially spend the rest of my life feeling insecure. Is it worth pursuing a LTR/marriage with him, or would that be setting the bar way too low? I want to believe in his resolve to be a good partner and father, am I just being delusional? 😂 I could really use some red pill wisdom here... Thanks in advance! <3

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VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-11-07T11:03:05+00:00

So as the 57 year old version of this guy - and I speak from experience, so there will be a lot of "I's" here (as if there aren't usually /heh) - so let me break it down for you:

We like what we like. That isn't going to change. If he is a 40s guy who can get 20s girls, why would he want to stop? Superman didn't fly just once. Batman didn't take the Batmobile out just once, etc.

He is being ethical about it insofar as he is disclosing, in advance, what his proclivities are. I have dated women who knew each other, were friends, and in two cases, they were roommates and would go on dates together. And sometimes (and the roommate situations, usually) we would have sex together.

Women will sometimes accept (and often enough prefer) sharing a high status man rather than having all of Billy Beta to themselves.

In this type of situation, men fear being cuckolded and (worst case) raising another man's kid. Women fear being replaced because, in the bad old days of the Saber Tooth Tiger, that could mean death. So what he would have to do is provide enough assurances that you will not be replaced.

Are you bisexual, willing to do threesomes? Because that can make things easier, better: you will be there to supervise his extra curricular nookie, enjoy them yourself, and, as I explain it to my girls, "You are young, attractive, have a good personality AND you will do threesomes with me. WHY on EARTH would I ever replace you?" And that's actually quite true. If Girl 1 insists on things I don't want, and Girl 2 is like "Nah, fam, I'm chill. Let's call Wendy and set smth up," it is Girl 2 who is getting into the lifeboat with me.

Having said all of that:

he'd be willing to commit to one partner if that's what it takes.

Do you believe him? I am not being sarcastic here. I actually understand his position on this: have fun until you are a dad and then straighten up. But the question is, do you believe him?

Title	Reluctant about monogamy
Author	satisfactorymouse
Upvotes	0
Comments	32
Date	November 7, 2024 8:03 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1glljg0/reluctant_about_monogamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/reluctant-about-monogamy.1534914 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534914

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