First to all the me out there that are in the process, good luck to you. Not easy and some of us pay a bigger price than we deserve. Here because I'm looking to get some advice and gauge whether I should or shouldn't.

I (M 43) have been truly, deeply in love one time in my life. I loved my ex-wife but can say I wasn't IN love. I settled and paid the price for that.

This person was before my ex-wife. We dated for 5-6 years and continued on and off for another 2. Last time I saw her I left her home at 3:00am as she slept realizing that it was truly over and that I was simply a comfort block as she moved on. I was heartbroken and never really got over her. I've carried her with me for almost 2 decades. It was to the point that I've only made love to her and my ex-wife. I looked and looked for her soul in others but never found it.

Through a mutual friend, I know she was married, had child, divorced due to abuse - I assume but never asked since I never wanted to pry and tbh hurts thinking about it. The man passed away but again I don't know details.

I sent a friend request few years back and she accepted but I didn't write anything after. I didn't know what to say and was too shy to. What do I say?

Year later I sent a happy holidays message wishing her happy holidays. I wish I could have taken it back and write something more personable but didn't know what else to say. She never responded but read it.

Talking to this mutual friend the other night I asked how she was doing which I do every so often. He said she was sad. I asked him if he spoke to her to see if she would be ok if I reached out as a friend, that I did miss our convos and she was and still is someone special in my life regardless if we haven't seen each other or talked all these years.

So my question to you is do you think maybe just man up and call her? Or maybe send a voice message to put less pressure. I dunno. I've been thinking of this for such a long time. I don't wanna come off as obsessive or creepy which is why I've kept away

tldr: divorced but always in love with an ex-gf. It's been almost 15 years since we last talked. Wondering if I should reach out and if so, via phone or send a less pressured voice message so she decides whether she wants to reply or not.