I feel like a rapist in my relationship

PillUpAss · 2024-12-01T11:56:38+00:00

This is no big deal. Have him please you and then take care of him in the morning. Drop the negative talk, don’t allow that narrative into your relationship.

I’m fairly HL but I’ve been with women who are even more HL. This happens sometimes and I always make sure to take care of them (and I still like doing that). Sometimes, while taking care of them, I get turned on and then we’re good to go.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-12-01T15:08:57+00:00

1) That's not rape. That's, to be quite blunt, an insane mindset and probably brought on by unresolved trauma and you projecting it. If couples waited for their schedules and mutual spontaneous arousal to occur and all line up, many would rarely or never have sex. Realizing your partner is aroused (or even, neither of you being aroused but knowing if you don't now you won't get a chance to later) is an opportunity to get started and allow responsive arousal to take over. Responsive arousal needs to be allowed to happen, because it is responsive. You're thinking like spontaneous arousal is the only Good and Moral Reason to have sex, and... it's just not.

2) A man having low libido for a woman he's trying to have a relationship with IS a problem, though, and not an uncommon one we discuss. Preferring morning to evening sounds a LOT like a testosterone issue, as levels are naturally higher upon first waking up. He may be dropping below what would be a healthy amount for his age during the day, which would cause the erectile dysfunction and lack of desire. Does he watch porn? Has he ever been to a doctor about his libido?

Realistic_Nebula_919 · 2024-12-01T12:09:44+00:00

It's no big deal, you are not a rapist. Don't let the honest communication between you become a detriment. Not many men, including myself, would be willing to disclose what he said to you which means he is really really close to you and very comfortable with you now. You both love each other a lot clearly and are willing to go extra length to make the other happy and that's a beautiful thing. Enjoy your man 😄

Jenneapolis · 2024-12-01T14:38:55+00:00

You are taking a step too far. This is not even close to you taking sexual advantage of him.

You have to think about this from a man’s perspective. Men want to please their woman sexually. Men also feel embarrassed and emasculated if they cannot do so. So when you are showering, and he knows you were doing it in preparation for sex, he feels bad letting you down if he’s not in the mood after you went through all that work and probably feels like a failure as a man.

So the best thing you can do is set him up for success and have your sexy time in the morning when both his body and his mind want it.

nickisupperfan_BARBZ · 2024-12-01T20:09:33+00:00

Hello everyone so want to give an Edit // update: First of all thank you for your comments of honesty and support. It was really helpful💕💚

So some things I left out: Yes he is the older one. We have been seeing Each other since March. We are quite close for as we function for the better in the others lives. I help out with his family around the house sometimes (not hands on with the family) and he comes to mine as “respite” a couple of nights a week. We have improved each others lives for the better; He takes me to the gym couple of days a week to get me confidence and I support him with the family but also by giving him a support network out side his own home so he doesn’t get carers stress. He knew about my trauma and is an overall really supportive man. In all honestly; he is the one that makes me feel like there is a future for us and a family. I suffer with psychosis and can get really bad flare ups when things get into my head and I cannot get them out.

Update: So this morning I didn’t want breakfast he could tell something was up as we always do breakfast on the weekends. I was quiet. Then just blurted out the comments he had made the night before made me feel bad the way I was treating him and I was honest in saying it made me feel like a rapist. He confirmed he did not think that one bit and that it’s just his libido and that he would schedule a drs. But I couldn’t get those thought out my head. After a nap was still going on in my head and then a lot of other bad thoughts. Went and locked my self in the bathroom and laid in the shower for about 50 mins. It wasn’t until he was knocking the door telling me to get out cause he was worried for me. (Bless his soul 🥺😭) Got me dried and sat me down to talk it all through again. Got some other things off my chest too. I know it’s me with the bad communication. I’m defo working on that but he understands that I just need patience at times too cause I don’t want to say things out of spite cause of what is going on in my head.

He is a gem. We made carbonara and garlic bread together and life is feeling a lot better. Honestly one of the most supportive kings I know 💕xx

LittleTomatillo1111 · 2024-12-01T12:02:20+00:00

I also think he doesn't feel the way about this as you would have in his situation. You've been raped so you associate it with that and really not wanting it and being forced. For him it's probably more like when you're not craving dessert but someone puts it on your plate so you might as well eat it, rather than the dessert being force-fed to you. If he really didn't want to, he would've said no because he says no sometimes, right? But that said, I totally understand if that's a turnoff for you. I also am more HL than my partner so I always let him initiate so that I know for sure he wants it.

CasuallyTaco-d · 2024-12-01T16:42:47+00:00

As a guy I can assure you you haven't raped him. He's consenting to sex, it isn't rape.

It sounds like he's trying to give you sex as a gift because he wants to ensure you're happy and satisfied. This type of behavior happens in relationships all the time, whether it be with a restaurant one partner enjoys far more than the other, a TV show, a hobby, or even the frequency of sex. We give these gifts to each other to keep each other happy. Not because we feel forced to, but because we want to. It's a necessary compromise - even when it comes to sex

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-12-01T16:09:03+00:00

I feel like I have raped him and I have ruined this relationship.

You have not, and you have not. He is a grown man and could say "no" if he wanted. He is simply trying to make you happy.

spection · 2024-12-02T00:49:20+00:00

INFO: which side of the 8 year gap is he

NoPromotion4652 · 2024-12-01T17:58:19+00:00

This is not “no big deal”. I am a man and this is coming from a man. I would like to give you advice from the perspective of a man, because a woman saying “it’s no big deal” is not good advice because it’s not accurate. Men (in relationships) feel emotionally connected to their partner through sex, women (in general) need to feel emotionally connected to their partner in a relationship to feel like they want to have sex with their partner. Op is not a rapist, but she is a bad communicator. Both of them are. If both Op and her partner prioritize communication in regard to sex, they will open the door to helping each other feel more respected and more loved by their partner. It’s called prioritizing empathy. If Op and her partner just ask each other how they’re feeling before initiating, then neither would ever feel pressured to perform when they aren’t in the mood, and both would always feel respected. Also, I don’t know what OP & her partner’s ages are, but low libido could be caused by low testosterone and it would be a really good idea for partner to go see a doctor to get tested for low “T”. If it IS low, TRT could be life-changing to both Op and her partner!

Detail-Realistic · 2024-12-02T00:26:25+00:00

Yeh no big deal girl. He agreed to do it with you lol.

I can imagine how you feel it’s the same with my gf, and I also don’t want to turn her down. The thing is we try and usually are able to get ourselves in the mood. I feel men’s libido is a bit easier to turn on than the typical girl.

I also have the same issue as him getting hard if it’s after a first round and she wants more. Just got to be patient, have a great self esteem and good communication with them :)

AutoModerator · 2024-12-01T11:46:05+00:00

Title: I feel like a rapist in my relationship

Author nickisupperfan_BARBZ

Full text: This is so fucked up to write. I don’t even know where to start. So there is an age gap between me and my partner which is probably the root to the few issues we have. It’s not massive. Only 8 years. So I (f24) have a mid sex drive. About twice a week is enough for me but understand with life commitments ect I might not get as much. We don’t have children or pets. Our only life distraction is really his parents as they are poorly. He lives with them and I have my own place where he stays a couple of nights a week. So this brings me to last night. I had my shower got all nice and ready (you know a typical girl just wanting to get sexy with her man’s) We get into it, but half way through he looses his hard on. THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE AND IT IS NOT AN ISSUE FOR ME. I know sometimes i get flirty in the evening when I know his preference is in the morning…but I just LOVE the way my man looks, he’s so hot and I’m defo punching above my weight. I’m always asking myself how did I end up with a man like him. So I asked him last night if there was anything I could do to help or if it was something I was doing wrong that was turning him off…he said no but he knows when I get out the shower he knows he’s got to “get on with business” (his words not mine) I ask him what he meant by this but all he said was “well I know when you get out the shower you probably want to get freaky with me and even though sometimes I want to say no I just don’t because I want to please you” Well my heart dropped to my stomach. I keep thinking about all the times we have been intimate; thinking that I may have read his body language wrong. I feel like I have raped him and I have ruined this relationship. I have been raped before and know the trauma behind it all and would never want to do this to someone. I tried to speak about it this morning a bit but I really struggle with my words and I just Told him I felt like a rapist to him and I’m ashamed and all he said was “no you aren’t I just have a really low libido” I feel like that still doesn’t excuse the fact of what I have done. Please any advice would be appreciated.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-12-01T11:46:06+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

WorriedLetterhead942 · 2024-12-01T18:10:02+00:00

maybe your trauma is causing you to overthink things. he felt comfortable enough to tell you and probably didn’t think it was the biggest of all deals. it obviously trusts you. just communicate to him that he is allowed to say no, and you would prefer if he was open since you wouldn’t want things to be one sided. you didn’t do anything wrong at all. also unrelated but you mentioned there was an age gap and that he lived with his parents, are you the younger one??

PRHerg1970 · 2024-12-02T02:25:15+00:00

Trust what he said to you. It sounds like the truth. He wants to please you.

jamieloxley · 2024-12-02T15:17:00+00:00

Guy may have a hormonal issue. Might be useful to get a blood panel done.

feral-pixi-starling · 2024-12-03T00:45:09+00:00

You’ve done nothing wrong and that was a deeply insensitive thing to say and if I had to guess intentionally hurtful.

Title	I feel like a rapist in my relationship
Author	nickisupperfan_BARBZ
Upvotes	34
Comments	21
Date	December 1, 2024 11:46 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1h41l56/i_feel_like_a_rapist_in_my_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-feel-like-a-rapist-in-my-relationship.1537268 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537268

Comments