Can being 'too nice' be a problem?

norwegiandoggo · 2024-12-23T08:13:01+00:00

Can be a problem sometimes because it can make you seem low status.

Low status behavior; acting pleasing, being a doormat, being nice to everyone, doing favors for others when it doesn't seem fair etc.

Women are generally attracted to men with high status. People with high status generally aren't always so nice because they don't have to be. So by being overly nice, you may be seen as less attractive by some women.

Being nice is good. Being overly nice is not.

Think about chimpanzees. You have the leader who may be kind or a dick - it's purely up to him and whatever mood he is in that day. But then you have the weaker males who have to act pleasing and submissive or the leader will swiftly punish them. The leader is at the top of the social status hierarcy. When you're at work, that leader is typically your boss. So everyone acts very pleasing and submissive towards their boss in that setting. But when you host a party, then you're the leader. It's context dependant. Makes sense?

appolonysian · 2024-12-23T04:02:44+00:00

This is a classic sticking point. Never make people feel they’re doing you a favor by doing the bare minimum for you, or act as if you’re a burden to them for simply interacting.

epimpstyle · 2024-12-23T09:29:54+00:00

There is a huge difference between being "too nice" and being "polite". This "nice guy" concept, like many other things, is BS as long as you look at it from a single point of view and people on this sub are either "nice guys" or "bad boys" - the extremes. This concept is used by Hollywood, they always show a "nice guy" as a nerd with glasses wearing sweater and the "bad boy" as someone handsome, wearing back jacket/chemise and the girls are around him. Also, gangsters (the bad boys) are always shown as funny, handsome, and the cops (the nice guys) are always shown as lazy, fat, and eating donuts.

It is perfectly normal to say "thank you" when someone does something for you, but if you want to "flirt" with a woman you need to use a different "angle", it will not always be "thank you", but actually you need to become playful, so if she does something for you the first time it will be "thank you", but the next time you can change it by telling a joke: "I think next time I owe you a beer or a whisky" or whatever exaggerated thing that will make it funny (or at least it is funny to you, it is not necessary to get a smile from the other person).

Let me give you an example: If the girl says let's go to XYZ restaurant and you don't want to, but for some reason (she's too enthusiastic about XYZ restaurant, you see she wants to go there), what do you do? If you ignore her wishes, do you think the girl will like you more because she sees that you are a "bad boy"? Do you use this opportunity to show her that you don't care what she wants? You need to be socially aware and be a "nice" guy, nothing will happen if you agree to go to XYZ restaurant, but if you don't go, you'll just give her a bad vibe and destroy her well-being.

AdSoft6884 · 2024-12-23T08:22:01+00:00

I had the problem hat a woman rejected me for being "too nice". We had wonderful dates and I was extremely charming, but still being "too nice" was a show stopper.

I highly recommend looking at something like the "No more Mr. Nice Guy" book. It has some good input – ask for what you want, don't try to bend your mind based on what you think that others may like.

There is some stuff in the book that I don't like, e.g., encouraging masturbation, but overall it's definitely worth a read.
I am doing much better with women now; another thing that helped with that is to talk and text with multiple women at the same time, makes you much less needy and attached.

Dandys3107 · 2024-12-23T09:00:03+00:00

Being polite is kinda engraved in our social culture, meaning it’s an artificial system to keep us within specific safety frames. However, it also indicates that you are holding back your true emotions and provide insincere experience. This is not something that can be desired in romantic or sexual context. Remember that “being good” does not have to result in the best outcome, life is definitely something more than security.

Dwerg1 · 2024-12-23T13:46:56+00:00

What? I say "thank you" for every little thing someone does for me and I mean it. That's not a problem.

Being too nice is about doing too much for others, especially when they don't really deserve it or you don't genuinely feel like doing it. That's when you come off as weak.

Especially when it comes to women you will need to hit the brakes on being too nice and instead focus on whether the interaction is fair and balanced. If at any time you've given more than you've received, slam the brakes and wait for what she's going to do to make up for the imbalance.

If you just keep endlessly giving for little to nothing in return you'll be seen as weak and exploitable. Some women will take the opportunity to exploit, most will just be turned off.

StrikingImportance39 · 2024-12-23T04:12:00+00:00

It’s too abstract to give any reasonable answer.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-12-23T15:40:56+00:00

The only thing that matters is the value you bring to the interaction. 'Niceness' in the form of 'aknowledgement', isn't much to go on; it's not exactly 'content rich'.

Generally, the issue isn't that people are 'nice', more specifically is 'blandness'. If the only thing you have to say is "good job", you're not exactly adding personality, perspective, offering any real 'content' to engage in. It can be part of your personality but it's hard to sustain a proper interaction on 'nice'.

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2024-12-23T17:09:15+00:00

The issue isn't about being too nice per see, it's about not being your true self.

If you feel something you need to express it the way you feel it . There is a difference between being polite and just being a pushover .

So sit down for a moment and try to figure out what it is that you really feel about these situations and how to express your real feelings.

Now if you are at work of course you need some decorum but the balance should always be at least 60% truth and 40% being polite.

PleaseDontBeTakenPlz · 2024-12-23T23:03:15+00:00

Yes.

24-sa3t · 2024-12-24T01:41:23+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being nice and polite. You should be nice. Being overly nice to the point that you're a doormat, and to people that dont deserve it, that's bad. Respect is a two way street.

2024-12-24T08:41:06+00:00

Electronic_News_8247 · 2024-12-29T03:45:54+00:00

No. Be a good citizen.

Title	Can being 'too nice' be a problem?
Author	dnavi
Upvotes	6
Comments	15
Date	December 23, 2024 3:52 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hkffqe/can_being_too_nice_be_a_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-being-too-nice-be-a-problem.1539283 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539283

Comments