Separation, looking forward and anxiety

Boomhower113 · 2025-01-03T13:13:59+00:00

You were used to your life. Even if it wasn’t necessarily a happy life, it was what you knew.

Turning that life upside down without knowing specifically how it’s going to work out is scary as hell!

I’d say you’re pretty normal, but to verify, go find yourself a life coach to talk to every couple of weeks just to get a check up. Close friends are good for you right now, too.

Good luck, buddy.

EDIT: Just to ease your mind a bit; it sounds like your ex is a pretty reasonable person to go along with the deal that you two have worked out. Part of what makes divorce so scary for most of us is the constant fight most of the guys on this sub have to endure until their kids emancipate, and sometimes even beyond that.

Now, I’m not saying it’s going to be all roses, but take some solace in knowing that your post-divorce life probably won’t be quite as bad as the stories that you’ve heard about it.

Accurate_Efforts · 2024-12-30T21:27:55+00:00

Time.

probebeta · 2024-12-30T09:59:06+00:00

I think everyone's situation is a bit different, but the source of my anxiety was finances and how much capital will be gone. The other one was the fact that in an instant your plans and ambitions are completely disrupted, time is scarce, and that's all deliberately done by someone you used to care for. A lot to process there...

As your stability improves there's less anxiety. Finances, goals, are pretty good actually. Resentment did not go away for me, but I try to keep things cool and cordial. She does the same I think but there are times when she's pretty mean to me. One of the stoic rules says the best revenge is to not be like that, speaking of which Ryan Holidays stoic rules are kind of nice to listen to.

Fear is something I feel constantly, but that also comes down to me doubling down on pretty much everything. Working on better body, more money, better women, better home. It's taxing on health which I will need to be able to sustain all of it. But hopefully it gets somewhat comfortable at least.

BatGuano52 · 2024-12-30T07:04:32+00:00

Your whole life has changed, no matter how ready you were for it before you agreed to separate.

This stuff will come in waves, I'd really, the waves should be smaller each time.

I filed for divorce, but I still miss my stbxw and everything that I hoped we could have had. I feel it every time I remove something of hers or when she came and got a bunch of her stuff.

I don't ever want her to come back but it still hurts.

But it does get easier with time.

The main thing that I have learned is don't try to ignore it or bury, face it, feel it, think through it and process it.

If you don't, that's when it will fester and cause problems later.

Sea_Structure_2910 · 2024-12-30T06:50:58+00:00

Anxiety is complex, and it's totally normal to experience a lot of it even if you're in a safe place now. Divorce is painful - depending on how long you were married and how your relationship evolved, it's a massive change to go from having someone who is likely your closest friend around you all the time to being alone.

I'm in a better place now after my separation this fall. We have no kids and are comfortable financially - we'll split things 50/50 and both be fine. She's being a little difficult about details right now which is frustrating, but that's pretty much the only thing objectively "bad" about my situation.

However I'm still struggling some days. We were together almost 2 decades, and married for over half of that, most of which was very happy (for me at least). But the past two years were different. We had some stressors in our lives and she got really mean. We tried to keep it together - couples counseling, a temporary separation, individual counseling, etc. But she wasn't trying, which became clear pretty fast in couples counseling, and just kept getting meaner until I had enough.

It's left me sad and confused, because even though I know what it is and am confident this was the right decision, it's hard to process. There will never be a satisfactory answer to the question "why did this happen." And so I still get anxiety.

Just gotta try to be kind to yourself. Focus on the little things that you like about your life, spend time with the kids, get some exercise and fresh air. And don't beat yourself up when you're feeling down - you're allowed to feel that way. Have confidence that it will pass, and it will.

Creepy-Comment4362 · 2024-12-29T21:33:50+00:00

will repost what I posted on another thread that was talking about anxiety. This will help you alot I know.

I don't take all of these every single day. I do use the CBN+CBD gummies and magnesium glycinate every night and they make a great difference. If I feel my insomnia or anxiety is triggered then I will stack other compounds in and it makes a massive difference.

Lavender essential oil: I use the brand doTERRA, I put a few droplets onto my pillow and notice that it's a bit easier to fall asleep. It has a terpene in it called linalool that helps with anxiety and sleep. I will usually go for an organic lavender for one. I can tell the terpenes are higher in lavender when its organic.

Lemon balm: calms the nervous system by boosting GABA activity, helping reduce stress and anxiety. It also improves mood and cognitive function, making it great for tension relief and sleep.

Apigenin: I'll take anywhere from 50 to 100 mg. What I use instead is parsley dried. 1 tsp has a round 40 to 50 mg of apigenin. This is the main chemical found in chamomile tea that gives it its relaxing effects. So instead of buying the supplement I just use dried parsley. Works great and I notice good effects.

L-theanine: When used before bed it puts me in a meditative state and just allows my mind to just relax. My anxiety can get the best of me especially closer to bed so this amino acid really helps with just chilling out the mind. I noticed it puts me in a zen state and when I wake up in the morning I'm more refreshed.

Reishi mushroom 10:1 extract: by Hyperion herbs, noticed this Lowered anxiety and Also made me get deeper sleep. Has to do with the fact that increases REM. Reishi is considered an adaptogen, meaning it helps the body adapt to stress and promotes a sense of calm. It can help balance the body’s stress response, reduce anxiety, and support mental clarity, making it useful for overall relaxation. It promotes deeper, more restful sleep without the grogginess or dependency often associated with pharmaceutical sleep aids. Some studies suggest that it can enhance sleep duration and improve sleep quality by balancing hormones related to stress and sleep.

CBN+CBD: This one has been a complete GAME CHANGER for me. CBN is a potent have you sedating cannabinoid which increases REM sleep. Also anxiety relief I get from it is even better than CBD. When both CBN and CBD are combined together they synergize and work better together. Also I use these CBN plus CBD deep sleep gummies from herbal garden essentials. Those deep sleep gummies also have L-theanine and melatonin in it which compound strongly with the CBN and CBD. The mixture of those 4 compounds knocks me out better then any supplement/herb I take. It's definitely something I take on a regular basis. They also have a tincture that I just got recently with the CBN+CBD. Love it so far. Highly recommend both

skullcap herb: I take this when needed but it definitely has strong sedative effects. I would say that this herb is very similar to cannabis and how sedating it is for the body. At times at almost feels like a body high but it definitely helps prepare one for sleep.

Passionflower: Great herb that interacts with the gaba system. Helps with managing anxiety and also brings out this sedative effects. Also great to use during the day if you have panic attacks.( In my experience)

savage_cabbages · 2024-12-29T21:29:46+00:00

From my own experience it takes time. I looked up the stages of grieving, mourning the loss of what I had. It can be conflicting as the excitement of the new life was very front and present in mind also.

People say keep busy, and it is helpful. Distractions are only short term and eventually with time, and getting used to the new routines and dynamics you find a new peace, and/or a new normal.

It's one of the hardest and shitiest things an adult can go through and sounds like you're coming out of it pretty good to begin with.

Title	Separation, looking forward and anxiety
Author	rjpny75
Upvotes	12
Comments	10
Date	December 29, 2024 8:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hp4fyj/separation_looking_forward_and_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/separation-looking-forward-and-anxiety.1539836 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539836

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