Should I tell my fiancé that I don’t like my valentines necklace and that someone gave me nearly the exact same thing years ago??

Ill_Coffee_6821 · 2025-02-19T07:52:34+00:00

Definitely do not tell him about the other guy.

In terms of the necklace, the best way to honor the gift and show genuine appreciation is to wear it. If you really think you won’t wear this one, I think your partner would be happier knowing you love what he got you and are excited to wear it.

Because of this I think it’s OK to exchange it, provided you think the store will have something else that you’ll actually love to wear.

You need to handle this delicately and not make it about taste. Tell him how much you love the necklace and how appreciative you are of it. “This was so incredibly thoughtful and I’m so grateful for you. I love [store] and was so excited to see the gift box! Recently I’ve been wearing a lot more gold, so I was wondering if it might be ok with you I’d we switch this for gold when we go to the store. That way, I can wear it all the time and think of you!” Don’t say anything negative whatsoever. And make sure you explain that you’re wishing to exchange it so you can wear it all the time (only if honest).

Also only you know if this is the type of thing that would take the wind out of his sails.

pinkmwah · 2025-02-19T07:03:47+00:00

Don’t tell him about the other guy, it’s just unnecessary. You can mention it’s not your taste without bringing that up.

If you’re going to the store regardless, I would talk to him about exchanging it. Pick out something together and use that time to explain to him what your taste really is.

silentandveryquiet · 2025-02-19T06:18:00+00:00

Don’t tell him that and especially not that another guy gifted this to you already, just suck it up and keep it to wear from time to time.

tendersea · 2025-02-19T07:14:55+00:00

Nope

charredwood · 2025-02-19T10:50:47+00:00

Who among us has not received that awful tacky hollow heart *in italics* pendant?

I think it's important to tell your man exactly what kind of jewelry you like and want. My husband is also not very good at picking out gifts and especially knows nothing about jewelry, so I've made it easy for him with simple rules like, "I like natural themes, like trees and flowers. I don't like 'item' themes, like high-heel shaped or teddy bear pendants. These are my favorite stones. I prefer silver to gold." Make it easy for him to do the right thing!

I agree with the other women who say to keep it and wear it even if you don't like it, but depending on your relationship, asking for a replacement might work. I'd be mortified to do that, but only because I know it would hurt his feelings more than it would hurt mine to wear something I don't like.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-19T06:08:34+00:00

Title: Should I tell my fiancé that I don’t like my valentines necklace and that someone gave me nearly the exact same thing years ago??

Author Impressive-Tangelo44

Full text: My guy isn’t really the best gift giver ever and my love language is receiving gifts. I know he put a lot more effort into this Valentine’s Day though and went through a lot of trouble to pick out a necklace for me. Honestly though it’s really not my style and to make matters worse it’s nearly identical to something another guy gave me a few years ago (also from the same store - who knows maybe it was the exact same thing). I know I won’t wear it often if at all and I can’t even wear it because the chain was tangled before I even put it on. So, we have to go to the store to exchange it or have them undo the tangle anyways - should I ask him to just exchange it for something different &/or mention I had the same necklace that someone else gave me before? Or should I just suck it up and keep it and wear it once in a while for him?

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MoonShimmer1618 · 2025-02-19T11:52:26+00:00

no, just don’t wear it, and if he asks, say it’s not your style

youllknowwhenitstime · 2025-02-19T06:35:36+00:00

You know, I tried several times to figure out my sister's taste in jewelry well enough that I could purchase items for her without running them by her. Her love language is also gifts. Eventually I gave up on that and stuck to other items (apparently I could pick t-shirts really well?) or got her approval first. And you know what? The one time she gave me a necklace... it sucked. Waaaay chunkier than anything I wear, and I already had a necklace with the same motif in my real style. So maybe inability to identify good necklace gifts is a familial trait. One in particular she would wear when she saw me, even though we both knew it was a dud, because we both knew she wanted to say the effort is what counted.

The answer depends on what you think your boyfriend would prefer. Is he the sort that wouldn't care or be discouraged if you said, "Hey, do you mind if we exchange for a different necklace when we go in about the chain? This is really weird but my ex went to the same store and I think got me the same thing and I want to think about you when I see it, not him!" He might be. In which case you just have to get up the courage. But the standard etiquette response in this situation is to quit caring what your ex did, compliment his intention and effort, wear it for date nights, and if he mentions that he wants to buy you jewelry again, respond with enthusiasm and a couple comments about what you like (silver vs. gold, etc.), but otherwise remain silent. I mean, it's a necklace. The real valuable is your relationship. If he would feel embarrassed, discouraged, or unvalued by having his selection skills put in the spotlight, that's obviously not worth a necklace!

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