Today, I want to talk about a super effective way to deal with approach anxiety and start having more interactions - so you can actually get better.

A big problem I see with a lot of guys is that they don’t approach because they think the interaction won’t go well. They’re always looking for the perfect opportunity, where they maximize their chances of success. 

And that mindset is a huge mistake. Because when you’re always searching for the perfect moment, you barely find any. Think about it - the easiest approach for most guys is a girl walking slowly, alone, in a quiet area with no distractions. How often does that actually happen? Not often. On top of that, a lot of guys say the girl needs to be their exact type, they need to feel good and in the right headspace to make a move. That’s a lot of conditions that have to align perfectly before you even take action. 

This is where I like to introduce the concept of different modes. Most guys operate in Mode 1, which is: “I’ll only approach if she is my exact type AND the conditions for the approach are perfect” But the reality is, you should be spending way more time in Mode 2 - which is where you approach just for the sake of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

This isn’t just for beginners either. Even for me, after years of doing this, there are still challenging approaches. Let’s say I see a girl with a group of guys - that’s a tough approach, it’s quite likely one of them might be her boyfriend or they might try to block me. When that happens, I switch to Mode 2. I tell myself, “I’m not doing this to get a date and I don’t care if the conditions are not optimal or she is not my exact type. I’m doing this because it’s going to push me outside my comfort zone and make me better in the long run.”

Even if I know the chances of success are lower than if the girl was alone, I’ll still do it. Because in Mode 2, my only goal is to challenge myself and build resilience. And every time I do that, I’m investing in my future approaches and earning my confidence.

The problem with only operating in Mode 1 is that you end up walking around for hours, waiting for that perfect girl in that perfect situation. And if you are a beginner, when you do finally see her, you either don’t approach at all or you approach in a weak way and fail. That’s why you need to start embracing Mode 2 more often.  In other words, by spending time in Mode 2 and doing difficult stuff - you earn the confidence and skills to operate in Mode 1 more often. 

Also the more time you spend in Mode 2 and more difficult approaches you do, the more you expand your optimal conditions when you are in Mode 1. For example, doing a group of 4 girls used to be a suboptimal approach for me in the past because obviously it’s harder than a single girl alone but by doing a lot of group approaches with a Mode 2 mentality, they became my “comfort zone” and now is an optimal condition.

Now, here’s the cool part - some of my best dates and relationships actually came from Mode 2 approaches. Even though that wasn’t the goal, sometimes things just clicked. Mode 2 approaches also give you a bit of extra-adrenaline boost which you can use to your advantage. But that’s not the point. The main goal is to take action without worrying about whether it leads to something.

If you start using Mode 2 more, you’ll naturally do more approaches, which will make you better, faster. You’ll stop overthinking and second-guessing yourself. And as you get comfortable approaching, you can shift back to Mode 1 (which will then be heavily expanded) and focus more on results. But in the beginning? Stick with Mode 2. Challenge yourself, expand your comfort zone, and just take action. That’s how you actually get better.