Request for Ideas/Help: Looking to update the sidebar.

Boglehead101 · 2025-04-28T20:06:18+00:00

Great recent reply to a post about the attitude of STBXW family members towards you.

One area I found difficult to come to terms with. Worth including. Here’s the txt from this valuable post.

“This is an easy one. First, you are not blood. Second, she is blood. Third, she is female. Make no mistake: in a familial split, blood relatives will close tight ranks around their female blood relative. Even if you were the perfect male husband, and she is the spawn of satan, her family is related by birth and by childhood history -- and that trumps everything. There is another important, related point. If you are male, married to a female, your wife's blood family will tolerate you. Her family may be nice to you, and may even help you. But at base -- and this is the harsh truth -- to them, you still are just a money provider and a sperm donor. And you better be capable of both, else your utility to her family is nil. So, does her family really care about you, the in-law husband -- as they do their blood daughter/sister/aunt/ cousin? Not a fucking chance. Her family never really cared about you. In point of fact, at no time in all of recorded human history did a female's blood relatives have more than a passing care about her male partner. Of much, much greater importance were the land he owned, the estate he would inherit, the position he held in society. Truth. The female's family tolerates the in-law male. Tolerates, maybe even accepts. But no more. The in-law male will always be, in a very real sense, both an interloper and replaceable. And if the relationship implodes, it is over. Post-divorce, in the eyes of her family, the eject button has been depressed. The bond severed. The male's value to her family now is reduced to how much money the ex-wife can extract during the divorce process, so that the in-laws don't have to dip into their own pockets to support your ex-wife. This is the truth. And men would do well to recognize v these hard facts.”

No_Pace2396 · 2025-03-26T18:15:11+00:00

Educating yourself about silver bullet tactics, dirty divorce tricks 101, and how to handle parental alienation.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-26T15:07:25+00:00

Just wanna say you're doing a great job. So many other sub reddits have so many lame rules and daily question threads it's almost counter productive.

I think there could be a top 10 issues men face in divorce.

Reflog1791 · 2025-03-26T10:41:09+00:00

Sub running great in my opinion.

I don’t even think flair would help because it’s the same few issues and the best solutions are usually buried in comments for people who are desperate for good ideas and encouragement. In other words we don’t need some manifesto of how to divorce we need to share what works and what doesn’t for very specific and delicate situations.

Seems the community always provides a few good suggestions for tricky divorce problems.

RandomDude007_ · 2025-03-26T07:31:34+00:00

How about a sticky on how to deal with situations. Example: Like when your wife says she wants a divorce (Walkaway Wife, seems so common here). A lot make the mistake of going on the offence.

TXJohn83 · 2025-03-26T06:53:28+00:00

Honestly I would avoid the sidebar... you have 50 different states and sets of rules plus I am starting to see a lot more international post. A list of all the specific info would be easy to much to maintain, and just as difficult to build.

The only thing that might go into it is general things like being postive, that is what sets this sub apart of you go to the other subs about marriage and custody, it is a lot of women and men bashing each other, and just generally a bad vibe... I would avoid adding anything about it to the rules since someone(s) will troll it hard sooner than later.

One of the things that I have been seeing a lot more of and I know that is being addressed is we have been getting more blackpill post recently... which I get it the split is not generally a postive time for anyone, but there is a line between someone needing support and them saying the world is going to end I and no one will ever be happy.

The one thing that you might want to add to the sidebar is a link to a helpline that is friendly towards men who are victims of domestic abuse(i honestly dont know if one exists). So many of the post I see on here the OP is clearly a victim of domestic abuse by there stbx and I think as a community it is something we could address better.

You might add flairs for pre-filling, mediation, trial and post-order... but i am not sure if those would be used much or really impact the flavor of the sub in a postive way.

Title	Request for Ideas/Help: Looking to update the sidebar.
Author	upvotersfortruth
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	March 26, 2025 5:51 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jk4xuv/request_for_ideashelp_looking_to_update_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/request-for-ideashelp-looking-to-update-the.1547660 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547660

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