I (27f) saw texts on my bf (31) phone from exes

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2025-05-06T20:29:19+00:00

he explained that this is out of his control

How did he handle these texts? It sounds like he didn't immediatly shut it down and block if he suggested one of these girls for a threesome.

TransitionScary6062 · 2025-05-06T22:53:35+00:00

Why are they not blocked? Why has he left the door open for them to contact him?

RedPillDad · 2025-05-07T03:42:19+00:00

You're feeling 'dread', the stress of competition anxiety when other women show interest. In one way it's confirmation of your bf's value, but it's also a warning that other women are attempting to poach him from you.

Has your BF raised his value? It's like winning a lottery where old acquaintances and distant relatives show up on your doorstep pretending to be your best friend.

Just being with you raises his value in other women's eyes. Women see a man alone and subconsciously question if he's defective. On top of that, his exes probably don't want to see him happy and winning with someone else. They want to see him broken and lost without them. They might enjoy sabotaging the connection you two have built. If they can't have him, no other woman can have him.

Tremerefury · 2025-05-06T15:47:04+00:00

How close together were these messages, time wise?

Historical_Shallot77 · 2025-05-06T18:24:59+00:00

Can you describe him and yourself as objectively as possible? How would you rate yourself, him, and the other girls? It's hard to advise if we don't know the dynamic between you all and how you see each other's value.

Rhbgrb · 2025-05-08T00:52:24+00:00

You're creating problems on your own. Not only because you read his texts but also because you're creating a storyline in you head of you becoming like these women. "What if you're the next one to be alpha widowed"? Are you looking for an excuse to end this relationship? If he hasn't responded to the texts then he has done nothing wrong.

If you know red pill then you should know that the one talking about her new ex possibly left your current boyfriend to monkey branch, or she thought she could do better and found out she couldn't.

The only thing the boyfriend has done wrong is a) be a good boyfriend that his exes won't leave him alone, and b) not cut off contact with his ex gfs. But again, knowing red pill, I don't fully believe most women have gone no contact with their past relationships.

unefilleperdue · 2025-05-06T20:33:44+00:00

so I actually can answer this from experience. my boyfriend has an ex who messaged him out of the blue a few weeks ago and she was really eager to have sex right away. I had no issue with that and so far it's been going well. We had previously spoken about bringing a third girl in sometimes so it wasn't like we hadn't already discussed.

but I think the main question you need to have a concrete answer to is how he really views this girl. because in our case, my boyfriend has made it very clear that it's just a fun side thing and that he would have no interest in ever getting back together with her. he left her for a reason and has no desire to have that again. because of this I feel comfortable enough that it doesn't theeaten the stability of the relationship to have her around sometimes. (it also helps that my boyfriend and I have been together for years now and have marriage plans in place, so things were already pretty steady to begin with.)

it sounds like in your case he's been consistently honest with you and you have no reason to distrust him, so I wouldn't be worried. just make sure to have a direct conversation with him about how he would view things if she got involved to make sure you're both on the same page. for us we also set some ground rules that we both agreed to in advance.

and also, imo, I don't see anything as being a red flag with what she texted him. if he's desirable then that's to be expected.

AutoModerator · 2025-05-06T14:52:52+00:00

Title: I (27f) saw texts on my bf (31) phone from exes

Author Firm_Ad_6074

Full text: So on three occasions in the past year my bf has had random texts pop up from exes. All of them in one way or another were reaching out with long messages about how they miss him and either had a failed relationship since him or just wanted to reconnect. He is honest about all of this and we are both familiar with red pill terminology. He hasn’t said it but I’m feeling more and more like he has ‘alpha widowed’ these women.

I’m scared I’ll be next. One of the texts was quite explicit and I saw it because I looked on his phone when he got the alert and was out the room. It was a girl saying she ‘missed his spit and sweat’ and that ‘no one else smells like’ him. I love my man’s smell so I was very upset. I told him and he explained that this is out of his control.

The other factor is that I am bisexual and we are open to bringing in a third girl. He half heartedly suggested one of the girls who clearly wants him but I am unsure as I don’t want it to be too messy if we try that.

Basically, I’m confused.

Has he done anything wrong, am I overreacting by finding it tough? And as we both want the second girl dynamic, should we explore it with someone he has a past with?

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mercenary_on_sale · 2025-05-06T14:57:30+00:00

I think he might have faked those texts. One ex girlfriend? Could happen, but this is.. very suspicious. He might want to lower your self esteem

manolosandmartinis44 · 2025-05-07T06:49:53+00:00

When hubby's ex's mother sent him an envelope and email while we were in Spain, he skimmed the email on his mobile and filed it away as "nothing urgent".

He proactively told me she'd emailed him, he'd skimmed it, and told me what the filename was on the server. I had the email printed, as I hate reading longform on the screen.

It turns out his ex had committed suicide and addressed her suicide note to him. I thought I should make him aware of this, so told him. We both rang the mother together expressing our condolences. The mother made it clear that it was the ex's desire that he have the letter. This was (apparently) one of her last wishes, so he accepted the letter, but has not yet opened it -- it's still by his nightstand as it came in -- out of respect to me.

Hubby said when I'm ready, he'll open it and go through it with me. So, it continues to collect whatever dust is in this freehold.

Title	I (27f) saw texts on my bf (31) phone from exes
Author	Firm_Ad_6074
Upvotes	9
Comments	40
Date	May 6, 2025 2:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1kg6gux/i_27f_saw_texts_on_my_bf_31_phone_from_exes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-27f-saw-texts-on-my-bf-31-phone-from-exes.1551633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551633

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