My bf (25) broke up with me (23) and im having a hard time accepting things even though I know it’s for the best

serene_brutality · 2025-06-15T16:09:53+00:00

Breakups are hard even in toxic relationships. It just takes time to heal.

We’re biologically driven to couple to continue the species, and to bond with a partner because it’s more advantageous for the offspring. But with those perks also come the drawbacks of being sometimes bonded to people who are bad for us.

Just take your time, enjoy your trip and try not to think about or dwell on it and him. Exercise discipline and self control, like an intense workout it’s hard and painful but the results are worth it.

It helps to keep in your head that although you did have good times together the bad outweighs the good and that you don’t miss him, you just missing having someone, it’s different.

gollyned · 2025-06-16T05:00:28+00:00

What a loser. You’re going to be embarrassed you stayed with him for as long as you did.

flower_power_g1rl · 2025-06-15T17:12:39+00:00

Gambling addiction is an enormous red flag. Ew ew ew ewwww

youllknowwhenitstime · 2025-06-16T16:19:11+00:00

Search "nun mode" in this subreddit.

I don't generally reccomended nun mode; I feel almost no one takes it seriously and instead make half-hearted attempts on the self-improvement front, inevitably exiting whenever the next guy they are attracted to shows up, not when they have hit goals or concluded a predecided period of focus.

But you really need it for your own safety and future happiness. I hope you do take it seriously. Don't set aside too much time - 3-6 months should be enough with concentrated effort. What you want is to 1) Get to a place where you are capable of evaluating whether a man would make a good life partner and father, instead of accepting increasingly horrific realities out of desperation and 2) Able to attract said good men.

By the way, addiction issues - including gambling - are considered "outside the scope of RPW." The tactics we discuss here for successful relationships aren't even expected to work on addicts.

giozimmer · 2025-06-16T20:01:58+00:00

Wow! So many red flags!!! It was a blessing for you that he broke up with you

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-06-18T03:48:01+00:00

I feel like there are a lot of different "what ifs" you could focus on, like what if you married a man who couldn't hold a job? I did that once. 0/10 would not recommend. What if you married someone who blew all your savings on gambling and got you $200k in debt? What if you had kids with this man and doing so put them in danger? These are the realistic "what ifs." Focus on them.

AutoModerator · 2025-06-15T15:58:49+00:00

Title: My bf (25) broke up with me (23) and im having a hard time accepting things even though I know it’s for the best

Author Cheesycatbiscuit

Full text: To keep things short, we’ve been dating for almost 2 years. We were constantly on and off due to us being stubborn, arguments etc plus the fact that I have anxious attachment.

I’m currently on a solo trip, something that I’ve been doing even before we started dating and he expressed to me how he’s mad now that I just left him like that. To be fair I asked him to tag along but he wasn’t able to due to work. I told him I really would love to see Greece and now is the right time for me (due to work reasons). I booked my ticket ahead of time so he knew it was coming 8 months before hand. . He told me that he can’t deal with the fact that his partner is gone, how i’m unfair etc and that he’s tired of us going back and fourth (all we did throughout the 2 weeks of my trip is argue, i’m currently on my trip still)

I’ve been doing some reflections and realized that we’re really not compatible and that he has red flags that I overlooked because I wanted to marry him and settle down with him.

has substance abuse and addiction, smokes weed almost everyday
Gambling addiction, has 35k debt, even asked me for money and I refused to help him
Can’t have a stable job
Emotionally unavailable and he said i’m asking for too much when I just want the bare minimum (communication, respect, mutual effort)

I guess I can’t let go because i’m stuck in the “what ifs” thoughts.. I really loved him and did everything for him, it hurts that we have to go our separate ways and need advice to get over him or how to level up.. I know i’m still young. I’m so attached to him and the idea of us.

I’ve started reading the Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle and like her ideas so far. I’ve also read a couple posts here with advices.

Thank you :(

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