I thought of three main categories and one that fits into all of them but feel free to add to this.

  1. The penis as defiling. The penis is seen as something that defiles and degrades. This is why rape is seen as worse when it’s done by someone with a penis. It’s the reason why women are devalued for sleeping with lots of men - the penis is seen as dirty and something that takes away from someone. People don’t judge women that sleep with lots of other women (excluding homophobia, that’s a different thing) but they do judge them for sleeping with males. This is the reason why bisexual men are seen as gay and bisexual women are seen as straight. People say it’s the patriarchy assuming all should be attracted to men but it’s because the penis is seen as something that defiles and changes someone as well as differences between male and female sexuality. Males who have sex with males are seen as irrevocably homosexual. No matter if they just have gay sex once and then have sex with women, the penis is seen as a permanent stain on someone’s sexuality.

  2. The penis as a weapon. The penis, again due to the fact that it’s seen as defiling, has also been seen as a weapon. It has been used in war against both genders to suppress and humiliate and emasculate, as well as being seen as part of the punishment in the US prison system. The fact that male on male rape is used as a form of deterrence in the US prison system shows that the penis and male on male rape is viewed as something to be used as a punishment, that when it happens to men it’s not tragic and traumatic, just emasculating and humiliating. This also is because of homophobia and general misandrist views of male sexuality. This is also why castration or groin attacks on men are sometimes seen as justifiable despite being a form of sexual violence, the penis is seen as the violator.

  3. The penis as a symbol of masculinity. The potency of the penis, its size, ability to pleasure, virility, etc are all seen as ways of proving a man’s sexuality. It is the reason men with high body counts are seen as “chads” while men who don’t have high body counts or who are celibate are seen as unmanly. The celibate penis is often seen as useless. I could say more but it had already been spoken about a lot.

The key thing that is present in all of these factors, is the fact that the penis and male sexuality is perceived as active, while female sexuality is passive/receptive. We often see violence as the agressor being the active one and the victim being passive and being the one receiving the violence - heteronormative sex is seen in a similar way - the male is active, the female is receptive and passive. The responsibility of sex therefore, is placed on the man. When sex is bad, it’s the man’s fault because he’s the one doing sex to the woman. When both partners are drunk and have sex the male is the agressor and the female is innocent because he is the one doing the sex. When a man is forced to penetrate, the woman is still seen as more vulnerable because sex is something a man does to a woman. Men who have lots of sex are successful chads because they had the ability to be chosen to do this to a woman, while the woman is the one who lets him.