It’s coming

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-08-21T09:09:11+00:00

Threats" vs. Reality

“Nasty Divorce” : Classic scare tactic. Dont fall for it, They want you rattled so you’ll cave to a bad deal. Don’t get sucked into angry text wars. Coole be use AGAINTS you. Whatever you send,say to ehr, Imagine the judge reading it ! Keep replies short, factual, and only about the kid.
“You’ll only see our kid every other we” , again, Super common threat. Reality check: courts in almost every state go by “best interest of the child” which usually means both parents get real time and involvement, not just scraps.
Paying for her lawyer , yes, Since she’s a SAHM, yeah, the court could make you cover some or all of her attorney costs if not all

Learn about SILVER bullet divorce. Textbook candidate is a woman with mental issues & violent

------------------------------
⚠️DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE⚠️ unless a lawyer-approved agreement orforced to do so (you lawyer or judge decision).

she becomes the primary caregiver by default. You're suddenly the "weekend dad." or "walking purse"
Her 👹lawyer might tell her to drag this divorce out for years for Free housing and financial support
BUT If you stay, she'll want to speed up the divorce
Worst case: You pay for a house while she brings in the new BF (real example: Sarah Jane parkinson bring home his BF with his 3 kids)
🚨 If she to forces you out, demand financial compensation or virtual rent since you're still paying for the property & need to pay another rent. This makes her think twice about exploiting the situation.
Do NOT move out in her state/country near her family, it is a trap . Plus, you will be stuck for years in that region if you want to see your kids. Know the laws on parental relocation. Many limit non-custodial parents from moving far without permission

Only exception: If she's violent or has mental issues, and you're at risk of bogus domestic violence accusations & & TRO strike( i.e. a judge telling you to get out)

Digital HELMET: change pwd, new account etc, scan all u can

-------------------------

The Financial Lockdown This is the MOST critical financial advice and can save you tens of thousands of dollars. The moment you are physically separated, you must act swiftly.

Split Your Income: Reroute your direct deposit to a new, individual bank account in your name only.
Order all 3 Credit reports on yourself (Experian, Equifax, TransUnion) for free from this link and freeze your credit so no new loans can be opened in your name
Freeze Joint Accounts: freeze all joint checking, savings, and credit accounts. This prevents your ex from draining savings or running up new debt in your name. Or If large joint balances exist, talk to your bank today about placing a 2-signature requirement or “dual-control” hold on withdrawals above a certain dollar figure until the divorce is filed and temporary orders are entered. Make sure to discuss it with lawyers to do it the right way

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-08-20T09:31:03+00:00

First, find a health care professional and get them to document you need to reduce hours. Explain that you're tired, stressed, depressed, etc. Like "Clammy Hands" in that 80s movie, "Panic Attacks" thinking about work are probably a close equivalent.

Find the money, because it will save you many many times over what the one office visit will cost you.

Jhonnybgood2017 · 2025-08-18T16:14:24+00:00

As Sun Tzu said "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle." She already tipped her hand that she is going to drag you through a "nasty divorce". You seemed not ready for the fight but with time you can get ready. I would suggest asking for marriage counselling to try to buy time. Therapists are cheaper than divorce lawyers. With 6 months to 1 year of prep time, you could get out of this mess somewhat in 1 piece. Good Luck.

RiseNo3399 · 2025-08-18T14:23:14+00:00

Document everything. You need to file. Don’t wait for her. Get your finances in order first. Prepare to end all joint accounts and credit cards immediately. Find a good lawyer STAT. Depending on what state you are in you most likely in presumed 50/50 state and probably at worst looking at 40/60. Get an audio recording device to have on at all times with her. Get a body camera. Expect fake claims of abuse. Do not say anything to her about divorce or custody. Grey rock. This could go so sideways if you don’t take control.

TimelyResearch1702 · 2025-08-18T14:21:58+00:00

Oh man. So sorry. Here are some random bullet points:

A lot depends on the state you are in. Some states strive towards 50/50 custody, others are heavily sexist and indeed only give every other weekend for fathers.
As insane as it sounds, the LESS of child time you get, the MORE child support you'll be paying her. So the fight for custody is not just about your desire to be with your child; it's also about surviving financially after divorce.
A lot of lawyers will give you first consultation hour for free. You can talk to 10 if you want to. You'll learn a lot without spending a penny. I recommend that you go on a lawyer spree and educate yourself fully before even tipping her off that you are considering filing.
You are in luck that you've been married just 2 years, so you are unlikely to pay alimony in any state. If you were married longer however, it would be really bad idea to file while working two jobs, as you'd pay based on your total income and would be locked into two jobs with no option to leave. My understanding is that child support is calculated only based on 1st job, but confirm with the lawyer.
The most terrifying thing is "Silver bullet divorce" and her saying it will be nasty opens possibility that she'd do it. Talk to lawyers about how to protect yourself.
How are you doing emotionally? This will require a lot of inner strength. Make sure you have support system. Drop the "i'm a strong man" facade and open up to best friend, sibling, coworker, neighbor if it comes to that. People are generally supportive and willing to listen, and when it's bad it will make huge difference. If you can afford it, get a therapist. Many insurances have very favorable compays for mental health.

AssistantActive9529 · 2025-08-18T14:20:24+00:00

Talk to a lawyer yesterday

Title	It’s coming
Author	DriftingStardust333
Upvotes	9
Comments	12
Date	August 18, 2025 9:49 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mthke3/its_coming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-coming.1559879 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559879

Comments