Friends and neighbors

Age 44. Married 11 years ago. Kids ages 10 and 4.

I am 3 weeks into a divorce that I initiated. It's been a long time coming. I put us in marriage counseling 7 years ago. I've had several "false starts" where I brought up divorce, said I wanted one, but backed down. We've been in the roomate stage now for years. Intimacy has long since dried up to the point I stopped trying. It felt like pulling teeth or catching lightning in a bottle. We share nothing in common except whatever show we might be watching for the hour we are in the same room each night. I have passions outside of marriage that don't 100% revolve around my kids. In hindsight, I don't think my wife ever had any real passions so when she had kids, she was able to put all of her eggs in that basket. It got to the point where there was literally nothing she wanted to talk about except the kids and it was usually catastrophic thinking.

I told her 3 weeks ago I couldn't do it anymore. And I swore I would not back down this time. Too many of my life's decisions were compromises or made out of fear. I don't wanna live the 2nd half of my life ever making a decision that way again.

She took it better than I expected. It seemed to be more of a "when" not "if" - no doubt the result of the false starts.

Here is where I would value your input. I do very much want the amicable divorce. There was no wrongdoing on either party. She is a great human and mother, but we are totally incompatible. I do not want our house. I want her to have it with the majority of the possessions BECAUSE I don't want her and the kids to move. I want them to have their space untouched and stay in their school system, etc. This is very important to me. I just want my books, stereo, music and to get a place of my own I can outfit as I want. I'm a minimalist (in another life I could live as a monk in a cave) so I don't want much. Just to get out and be the best co-parent I can possibly be.

I want one car, she gets the other. We keep our retirement accounts separate (hers are both worth more than mine). Kids' college funds untouched. I want her to keep the house, but I want my equity out of it. I dunno if that is even possible.

Not sure what else to say here, but I would love your thoughts and input