Why is it so difficult in the moment?

OpinionThink481 · 2025-11-02T02:06:33+00:00

Because you are fighting decades of social conditioning and domestication.

It's a battle between your desires/impulses and your internalized need to get permission from women and society to do what you desire..

This is the problem of civilized men, the more civilized the more anxious and scared you will be, the more primitive the less fucks you will give about consequences.

Hence why women usually feel drawn to primitive men over civilized ones. Civilized prioritize social norms, the well being of others, the approval of others, and being considerate.

Primitive just do and say what they want without being apologetic about it and that leads them to be more in touch with their instincts and connect on a biological level with women far more.

Ok-Orange7146 · 2025-11-02T01:39:17+00:00

It can be tough.

Main advice is just get those first two sets out of the way asap. Understand it might be awkward, feel weird, you’ll probably stumble. But it’s fine, because you will actually feel like okay I can do this. Momentum will happen and talking after that won’t feel like climbing mount everest.

Otherwise, you will be stuck in your head the whole time thinking everything is impossible, because your brain has no proof yet that its not impossible for that day.

Each day is a new day.

friday126 · 2025-11-02T04:06:54+00:00

I would say a part of it can be self esteem, for sure. I wouldn't say it's mental health, off hand anyway.

I'll tell you the route mammalian cause. Most of our fears, wants, urges come from old caveman programming. So why is approaching outside of your comfort zone? Why are your FEELINGS fucking with you? Because waaay back in the day when a man (or a woman) did something that turned out to be a failure, flop, bomb in front of the "tribe" you would lose social status and you might get less of the food from the crop or hunt, you might end up with a lower quality mate or no mate at all. You might get ostracized from the group/tribe all together. So our (very outdated) instincts (still running caveman mode) will SCREAM at you via your FEELINGS that if you FUCK UP bad enough in front of other people YOU COULD DIE. This is one of the reasons people click up when in school, bully each other, have social anxiety. It's the root of SO DAMN MUCH.

I recommend to ANYONE curious about seduction to read up on how our old caveman days influence our urges, wants, fears now. Especially with dating/mating. It's eye opening. Hell, I share this stuff with women I meet- it helps me stand out, they often learn something about themselves and it brings up sex in a conversation very early.

Anyway- OP- once you realize this- you can remind yourself it's just outdated programming fucking with you- there's NOTHING wrong with you. EVERYONE gets this. But if you keep reminding yourself of this obsolete programming, laugh at it, well it can help take the edge off (a bit at least), that plus a few other actionable steps like warmup sets, getting use to approaching ANYONE and EVERYONE regardless of attractiveness, and over time... it gets MUCH easier.

I'd recommend making a game out of it and expanding the expectations slightly higher each time. Like a video game. Go out and open a few people ANYWHERE, an old man, a store clerk, whatever. Do this say 4 times the first day. Try to get a laugh out of them or something that makes you feel like (no matter how long the convo went- shorter is fine) that they LIKED/ENJOYED talking to you. Expand the number of approaching and starting including women, then attractive women in the mix after a few days. As long as you're building/learning it's fine to fuck up. Just examine what you did. IT'S NOT OK to shit on yourself because you mess up. Saying how to improve shouldn't include shitting on yourself.

You're at the hard part now. That's ok. There's potentially a LOT of fun in front of you.

-as an aside- something I did for fun, ended up watching the 2004 movie "Mean Girls" with someone I was playing with. It's actually a good study on human dynamics on a basic level. It's got "tribalism" down pretty well. Using that movie (nearly all women have seen and love) to explain cavemen/tribilism/mating habits to women can be fun.

topher_atx · 2025-11-02T02:23:51+00:00

I think what makes it difficult is that women are generally much less interested in us, than we are in them. So your chance of reward or success is quite low anytime you try to chat up a woman.

Most women go home alone, and land zero future dates on any given night out. They punt the whole game & then call it a night.

Assuming you aren't going for women way out of your league, you probably aren't getting out-competed by other guys. Often times women just reject everyone.

But yeah, I think that's the #1 issue: The median number of future dates lined up by women meeting men on a night out is zero.

If the success ratio was higher, it'd be easier & much less difficult. Essentially when we go out, we're attempting a play with a low probability of success like an onside kick.

With that being said, I'm going to go run my stupid onside kick play tonight because it works 6% of the time.

Candick6969 · 2025-11-02T06:17:00+00:00

You feel good and know your self worth then it's easy. Lesser you know yourself and more you try to prove your worth via actions, harder it gets.

It included the skill to scope out real women from suppressed ones.

SuitOfWolves · 2025-11-02T08:19:55+00:00

I always view it as that you never get better at pick-up, you get more experienced. If you think u've recently gotten better, that's the thing that will hinder you the moment u see an attractive girl. In that moment u know deep down that u're still you, and that will never change... but on the other hand you're trying to protect your new self image. So it's not a good recipe.

Tell us about some of your recent approaches!

ModeoneUk · 2025-11-02T16:49:35+00:00

Bro. Don't change for.everyopne else.

Yes. It's true they like people who care less and idiots. But that doesn't mean you have to be an idiot.

You can not give a fuck but have high values big difference.

Besides do you really want to be around women who like men who behave in that manner anyway?

Dandys3107 · 2025-11-03T07:27:00+00:00

Because you also need to train your body to exert corresponding body language and to process comprehensive emotions and subtleties properly. This can't be absorbed effectively without going through real experience over and over.

Morty7654345 · 2025-11-02T01:39:21+00:00

I feel exactly the same and maybe it will pass one day or maybe not. Regardless, some feelings can't stop us. Just like u said, do or die. Godspeed.

HugeInvestigator6131 · 2025-11-02T05:57:16+00:00

you freeze because you still think attraction is something you earn

like there’s a perfect line, perfect vibe, perfect timing
and if you mess it up, you’re screwed

nah
you’re not here to impress
you’re here to express

NoMixedSignals said it best: if you need a win to feel okay, you already lost

lower the stakes or keep choking

Title	Why is it so difficult in the moment?
Author	caamt13
Upvotes	18
Comments	17
Date	November 2, 2025 1:29 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1om4vru/why_is_it_so_difficult_in_the_moment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-it-so-difficult-in-the-moment.1565580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565580

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