Hey everyone. I have never really considered divorcing my wife but it feels like we may be heading there. It’s a big deal and I could use some outside perspective. I’m sorry for the long post but truly appreciate any feedback.

To start off I am a law school student and my wife is a stay at home mom. I retired from the Army so my retirement and school benefits allow this. Our first and only child is six month old.

I pay for everything. Literally. I even go above and beyond with some of things I buy her. She drives a 2021 Mercedes GLC that I pay for while I drive a 2014 Nissan Versa. Despite this she often racks up debts buying stuff that I pay off. I do all the clerical/administrative stuff necessary for a family. (Health insurance, car registrations, etc). I maintain the home (cut grass, fix shit etc). I have taken her on numerous vacations including St Lucia, Paris and Cancun.

She has had jobs at times but always hated them and so I let her quit for her mental health. She has struggled with this for a while including a hospitalization at one point. She sometimes refuses to take her medication and has rarely been consistent with therapy. It feels like our marriage is always about how she feels and what she needs.

I pay someone to clean our home every two weeks bc I just couldn’t argue with her about it anymore. I do the dishes laundry cooking etc about half the time. I pick up around the house my fair share.

We do not compliment each other or show much love anymore. I do not feel supported in anyway despite being successful (top 3% in my law school class) Sex doesn’t happen often. I usually initiate it but she never turns it down. It feels like we are roommates.

My wife had a bad labor experience and was partially paralyzed for a couple weeks. I took sole care of our son for about a month while she recovered. My mom has helped a ton too. She is now angry at my mom and rejecting her help bc of the way she does laundry and for feeding our son real food for the first time without asking.(I do get this to a degree)

My health has not been great recently. I was blown up in Afghanistan and have some TBI hormone issues. Law school combined with parenting has taken a toll and I have requested help from her. She has always viewed any requests by me as unreasonable. A couple examples of our recent blow ups are: 1. I asked her to have the car serviced before our thanksgiving trip. She believed she took initiative and did everything right despite relying on me for pick up and drop off totaling two hours of my time. 2. I requested we leave thanksgiving family celebrations on Saturday vs Sunday bc I was exhausted and had to do school work. She told me I’ve been exhausted for months and should have gotten the work done before hand.

Whenever I express that I am requiring the bare minimum from her and need/want more and that other women are forced to do much more she makes me feel like a complete asshole who treats her like shit and asks the impossible. When she gets angry enough she throws stuff at me. I am critical of her and push her to do more, to help more, to want more connection from our marriage. Any conversation like this gets translated into me attacking her and saying she’s “a piece of shit”. Never ever use those words.

Am I the asshole? Has anyone else dealt with this? Could any of your family or your wife’s see things for what they were?