Advice for mediation (possibly trial)

Sea_Recognition7635 · 2025-12-04T18:18:20+00:00

Sooo I am same situation. However our son is 2. I cannot have him 50/50 by law until he is 3yrs old. Right now Ill take what Ive got.

Age of the kids matters.

sweetpeppah · 2025-12-03T21:52:59+00:00

so, what schedule are you doing right now? how old are your children?

if you have ALMOST 50-50 but the other parent has 2 more days than you do, i'm not sure that's a problem worth going to court for, or that a judge would see that as having any impact on the kids at all. it's not FAIR, i totally get that, but it's workable and the kids will be ok.

however, maintaining legally JOINT custody rather than giving the other parent all decision making is worth fighting for, and (at least in my state) the parenting decision making is not necessarily tied to the exact amount of custody time. in our plan, no one has "primary" custody. all decisions are supposed to be joint, even though one parent does have more time than the other. practically speaking, it's tough to be truly joint on everything, (in our case one parent moved and changed the kids' schools and the other parent lost in court challenging that decision.)

so, i would clarify with your lawyer how to maintain JOINT custody, and what parenting decisions you want to be joint/have input in (eg health care, schools) and try to write that into the order/discuss that at mediation rather than focusing on the number of days. you can show to a mediator or a judge how involved you are in day to day decisions and care of your children (eg know their doctors, teachers, coaches, friends; pick them up from school if they are sick(as mentioned in a comment reply); buy their clothes and school/sport supplies, etc.) and that you intend to continue to be involved at that level.

i don't have any idea how an order for joint decision making would affect state benefits(as mentioned in a comment reply), and your state might handle "primary" parent differently.

good luck!

Slowloris81 · 2025-12-03T15:30:37+00:00

Do you have a lawyer with you? Your lawyer should explain what the law is—in many jurisdictions 50/50 is the presumption nowadays absent reason to deviate.

Have at your fingertips the key facts showing your love and involvement and be prepared to rebut any allegations you anticipate your stbx may raise. Bring your laptop and documents to mediation so you can have them at your fingertips if you need to show documents to the mediator.

Terminal-Earth · 2025-12-03T14:24:24+00:00

I’m interested in this, as I’m going through something similar. My ex does not want me to have 50/50, for no other reason than control. I’m a good and present father and she is going to have an a tough hill to climb to justify why not having them 50/50 is not in their best interest. We have mediation soon, and I told my lawyer that this is the hill that I will die on, and I’m willing to go to trial for this.

Afraid-Ad-954 · 2025-12-03T14:20:17+00:00

No history of abuse, drugs and we live 10 minutes away from each other. Ive always attended every extracurricular activity school events public events. don’t understand how we can’t have joint parent time besides my stbx telling her lawyer it wouldn’t be “in the best interest of the kids” for us to have joint parent time.

Title	Advice for mediation (possibly trial)
Author	Afraid-Ad-954
Upvotes	5
Comments	28
Date	December 3, 2025 1:45 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pd4ko5/advice_for_mediation_possibly_trial/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/advice-for-mediation-possibly-trial.1567968 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567968

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