What is it that's making me have nothing to say in conversations?

lanky32 · 2015-11-25T17:34:12+00:00

Do you think too much? Do you have the habit of over analyzing? Are you someone who doesn't say anything unless you have something 'significant' to contribute?

Sometimes the best way is to just let go. In informal settings, just say what comes to your mind.

I used to be like you too. Didn't have anything to say in a new group.

I saw that doing so made me absolutely insignificant. Now, I make an effort to talk with everyone in a group.

Over a period of time, people start considering me as a part of the group.

Speak with people. Ask them normal stuff about their lives, and you will be good to go.

Gogo4u · 2015-11-25T21:37:02+00:00

I won't have anything interesting to say

Get some life experience. Start by finding a hobby that involves groups of people. I'd recommend something physical like a joining a hiking group or taking up some sort of martial arts. You can't fake being interesting. You can lie about it but eventually, you'll get called out.

Sir_Distic · 2015-11-25T17:27:19+00:00

Work out. That, along with having a variety of interests, will give you confidence and many topics to discuss.

Both of those will allow you to naturally progress and add to conversations. But remember, the guys that talk the least are more mysterious to women, assuming you appear to be confident and comfortable.

SunnyFoxes · 2015-11-25T19:45:32+00:00

Be interested in the other person you are talking to. Try to find out who they really are.

Most people love talking about themselves and being heard. You don't have to be interesting to be interested in other people.

Of course, it is better to have interesting goals, plans, ideas, life experiences, etc. to share with people to encourage them to open up to you about their own things.

kjuca · 2015-11-25T21:09:30+00:00

I have the same problem. Some part of my brain doesn't work right - I'm a perfectly fine conversationist when spoken to but i'm practically incapable of voluntarily entering conversations.

One thing ive noticed though, no matter how stupid something might sound in your head, if you spit it out it will be taken seriously and people you are conversing with will respond. Part of the problem might be a tendency to be subconsciously hyper-critical of oneself.

kjuca · 2015-11-25T19:55:48+00:00

Fear.

dabrah1 · 2015-11-25T17:18:34+00:00

Your either so anxious in conversational settings that you can't think, which doesnt seem to be the case or you just don't do enough interesting things. Get a hobby, play a sport, travel, do something worth talking about.

sodainthewatercup6 · 2015-11-25T18:41:08+00:00

Like others are saying in other words:

In order to be valuable you have to make yourself valuable. This is what separates entitlement from actual value. If you don't create self value, you're no better than the fat acceptance victims.

[deleted] · 2015-11-25T21:38:45+00:00

listening. i run into this problem a lot and find its because i got distracted and stopped listening. if you listen to what people are actually saying you can see solutions, jokes, problems and many other useful pieces of information that could help them or contribute to the conversation. this is where life experience comes to play. life experience gives you the ability to relate and share your associations within the convo.

pancake_friday · 2015-11-26T03:12:17+00:00

Books like How to tell a Story can help you be a better storyteller.

The error people often make is forgetting to focus on the motivations and hence feelings of characters as the story progresses through scenes. In fact most men should place a greater emphasis on feelings in their conversations, especially when talking to women.

Pick a couple of interesting things that have happened to you, and tell them as a story to yourself, perhaps even out loud. You will get better with practice, and you will find it enjoyable to turn interesting experiences into captivating stories, almost comedy routines.

I am not saying that you should prepare a couple of stories and then try to pry them into conversation. While you will tell a rehearsed story on occasion, the practice of preparing and telling them will also make you tell better stories off the cuff.

When talking, don't talk too fast, you are better off talking slowly. Take your time to evoke and re-experience the feelings associated with your words.

[deleted] · 2015-11-26T10:49:28+00:00

You're tryharding to say interesting things. Just small talk. Your speech, as in tongue, laringe and brain, is like a muscle. Train it, but start easy. You wouldn't sign up for a marathon after sitting in bed for 10 years right?

empatheticapathetic · 2015-11-26T02:49:01+00:00

I should probably start a separate thread for this but: I am good at asking people questions and getting them to talk and tell me shit, but no one ever asks me shit or seems interested in returning questions/interest or opening me ever (guys or girls). Is this somehow because i seem low value to them or something because i opened them? They don't feel the need to ask me anything or ask about me. It's like i instantly become everyones beta orbiter, but i'm not sure if that's it.

Title	What is it that's making me have nothing to say in conversations?
Author	RockettDev
Upvotes	16
Comments	20
Date	November 25, 2015 3:13 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3u82by/what_is_it_thats_making_me_have_nothing_to_say_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-is-it-thats-making-me-have-nothing-to-say-in.156998 https://theredarchive.com/post/156998

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