Hi guys, I (30M) have been with my wife for about 8 years, been married for 3, and things aren’t really going well.

I was obsessed with her for a while before we started dating, and she knew it. If you saw us you would probably say she’s out of my league.

When we met, we were in our early 20s and drank and partied every night. This developed into a massive drinking problem for the both of us. She has started having medical issues because of it, and has been hospitalized 10+ times, yet refuses to stop. She went to rehab once, but started drinking as soon as the testing stopped.

In the past 2 years I have decided to try and quit drinking for my own good. I have had moderate success with occasional slip ups. I know I make my own choices, but her having alcohol around all the time doesn’t really help.

It’s very frustrating to have to feel like a caretaker for her so often when she gets too drunk and sick. I have to constantly remind her to eat and stay hydrated and sometimes it feels like I’m dealing with a little kid. Feeding yourself is a basic adult function.

She hates being around my family even though they had been nothing but nice to her. I come from a big family and hers is really small so she finds it overwhelming.

When we got married we both wanted kids but now she says she doesn’t. Sometimes she will say she’s willing to have a kid if I can get a degree and a higher paying job, which I’m working on, but I don’t know if she really means it.

She can be very manipulative and mean at times, and the bedroom was pretty much dead by the time we got married.

My biggest hesitation is that even though the romance isn’t there, we still do have a really good friendship (most of the time).

When she is healthy and happy I usually enjoy being around her. I’m still attracted to her. But we just feel like roommates and we don’t have the same views on family.

Occasionally she makes comments like “if we ever get divorced…” and while we’ve never had a serious talk about it, it shows she thinks about it too.

We have done couples counseling once but we never followed up on it. How long should I try and work on things? I am starting to worry I’m wasting my good years on something that will not work. I really want to become a father in the next 5-6 years.

Sorry for the wall of text, and thanks for any insight or advice y’all might have.