My STBXW told me over the summer she didn't love me, doesn't want to be with me, and doesn't want to reconcile. Since then it's been a bit of a rough road but we have stayed as amicable as possible and we are now at the point where our (UK) legal orders are being finalised.

Her view was "That's great, I'll finally be out of your hair" with a sense of relief - but I never wanted her to be out of my hair and I don't have any relief or peace: just a sense of a yawning chasm opening up ahead of me as I try to overcome and pass through the feelings of grief and loss.

I'm going to be seeing my children a lot less than I do. I see random parents out with their children and it makes me sad, frustrated, and envious.

I have lost all faith in relationships - if the woman I'd been with for 7+ years without even a single bump, with a forever-home and two dogs and two young children could suddenly cash it all in - what hope does that give for any other situation?

I feel that my life is under such strain, that I am justified in almost any action I take - seeking pleasure and relief pretty much whatever my whim - booze, food, carnal pleasures, etc. - but I know this is not the way to live. I don't know how to keep that in check - I feel like when I'm unobserved the restraint collapses in a riot of self gratification.

I would really appreciate any thoughts or advice, it's going just about as well as it could - but I never wanted any of it, I don't want it, and I spend so much time wishing it were any other way. I am barely holding it together, and I am angry and fearful at what the future holds.