I think I get it: she will never admit it.

Livid_Cabinet_9197 · 2026-04-09T16:43:54+00:00

Textbook narcissism. My ex wife has done the same. We mediated a custody agreement, the divorce was finalized on my birthday December 28, sucks. I never wanted divorce but felt it was my only option given the circumstances. (She left me and took my children to live with another man a year and a half before this) December 29th, she filed an injunction for domestic violence against me (I’ve never done any of the things she’s accusing me of) January 3rd, I get served. January 6th, my hearing, find out I have criminal charges against me during this civil hearing. Apparently, I violated the injunction by trying to speak to my children during the 3 days I had to receive the injunction order and drive 10 hours north to the court house. Honest mistake. January 6th, I’m arrested in court. January 7th, my friend bonds me out ($1800) A week after I’m bonded out she marries the guy she left me for. (2 weeks after our divorce is finalized) Mid February, I lost my career with the state. Took a significant financial hit, lost all my benefits, retirement, etc. all because of this injunction.

Yesterday, April 8, I had a child support hearing, she was there online. My little one was just behind the door of the room she was in, it was his birthday. I couldn’t even see him.

Every day is getting harder and harder for me. I’m being treated like a criminal and I’ve done nothing wrong, except violate a bullshit injunction that was enforced off false allegations with no evidence.

She apparently carries on like nothing happened, I wouldn’t know for sure because of the injunction. But she seemed to be doing well in the hearing. I occasionally see posts of hers in groups were in on Facebook, TikTok, whatever. Acts like all is well, fuck me I guess.

I’ve done research and she’s trying the “silver bullet method” on me. Look it up, it’s absolutely fucked.

Sea_Structure_2910 · 2026-04-08T19:08:58+00:00

Shit dude, this is so relatable.

But don't believe her lies. They aren't "living their best life." Yeah, there might be some new sucker they're taking advantage of now, but they have regrets.

I watched my XW deal with this across many of her personal relationships, most of which she ended because she was incapable of reflecting, taking personal accountability, and working together to strengthen and rebuild her connections. To her, cutting someone off and walking away forever was just less painful than facing her own shortcomings.

But I saw the cracks. I saw her read a letter from her estranged sister, begging for reconciliation or at least some explanation as to why XW cut her out, and I saw her cry her eyes out. She even confided in me how bad she felt, the guilt she carried over her behavior. I think she even considered reaching back out. But she didn't.

Imagine carrying that on the inside. Imagine knowing you treated someone you loved poorly, knowing you hurt them, bearing that guilt, and being completely incapable of just saying "you know what, you didn't deserve that and I'm sorry. I'm not perfect." Selfish and immature don't begin to describe it, and they don't even realize it's hurting them as well.

They're fucking miserable. They convince themselves you caused that misery, and that justifies them treating you like shit and walking away. But they don't leave that misery behind, they're just good at hiding it.

SheboyganPirate · 2026-04-08T06:19:22+00:00

Just remember, time remains undefeated. When we were all 18-21 and the hottest girls were chasing richer older men, that continues.

What I learned after my divorce is that now you are that older more well-adjusted guy, and likely will continue to have options in the dating pool even as you age.

Your ex has to compete with all the younger women, including ones who aren’t single moms with baggage like hers, and she’s not getting any younger.

She may be presenting the vibe on social media that she’s “already moved on” and is “living her best life” Who cares what she does once it’s finalized. You’re free from being anchored to someone who treats you like an option, or an inconvenience.

She’s still the same person, gonna pull the same shit in her next 5 relationships, and get bored with those guys if they don’t ditch her first.

Go live YOUR best life, and don’t worry about her. She’s someone else’s problem now.

https://rationalmale.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/smv_curve.jpg

Narrow-Pop8696 · 2026-04-07T23:58:28+00:00

It's the same playbook over and over again

Mid life crisis
"I'm not in love with you anymore"
Drastic personality changes
No consideration given to anything
No accountability
No attempt to repair. Avoidant type personalities.
Horrendous communication
Fabricated or over exaggerated reasoning for their exit

FUMoney · 2026-04-07T22:33:04+00:00

because it was easier than fighting for our relationship.

I'll never understand this. And reject it. Marriage should be easy. Relationships should be easy. I totally and completely reject this bullshit that marriage is "hard work." Or a relationship is "work." Fuck. That.

"Fighting" for "our relationship." Any such marriage or relationship is absolutely, irrevocably dead. If it feels like "work" to be home, or to be with your romantic partner, it's already over.

Legitimate-Error-633 · 2026-04-07T21:47:16+00:00

I really don’t want to pigeon-hole entire genders, but the thing I learned from my failed marriage is that women don’t seem to be the great communicators they claim they are.

veinychocolate · 2026-04-07T20:14:22+00:00

Did future me write this?

Realizing this person who you thought was an angel is actually a malignant narcissist is devastating. My partner is revealing that to me now.

nomohydro · 2026-04-07T17:17:48+00:00

At the beginning of our relationship my ex was literally crying about all of her credit card debt I paid it off because hated seeing her in pain. Then the asshole secretly opened up a new card and same amount of debt a year later. Now she just says that was years ago no appreciation. It was $40,000 the opportunity cost stings. Once they file they only focus on your faults.

They only care about themselves why marriage is off the menu for me. Dating isn't but marriage can kiss it.

rb5775 · 2026-04-07T17:15:11+00:00

Her time will come. I could never put too fine a point on womens' attitudes. It always boiled down to Me, Me, Me....

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2026-04-07T16:54:42+00:00

Thanks brother for posting thus excellent message.

Someone made a comment before that his wife won't ever come back, because that would mean she would need to admit she was wrong, and that would mean she would have to take accountability.

Fit-Plenty8777 · 2026-04-07T16:25:39+00:00

Closure doesn't come from them admitting what they did. It comes from you accepting what they showed you.

MarshmallowPop · 2026-04-07T16:20:07+00:00

I had a similar conversation with my STBXW. Very binary thinking.

Everything I did was because I was selfish, blah blah blah. Everything she did was justified, and if I was hurt, well it was my mentality that was problem. We couldn’t have nuance.

It takes two to have a relationship. It can’t be one person doing all the work while the other person judges. You need to attack the problem, not each other.

There is this meme where women are great communicators and only leave after months/years of silently enduring the marriage. But they seem to get their mind set and become unable to adjust their way of thinking. Men will forgive the small things and keep going. But women poison themselves over time.

For a man, if he feels a certain way, he will examine the facts and adjust his way of feeling. But for a woman, her emotions are her reality, so if she feels a certain way, well it must be true. So when her mind is made up, it’s made up.

Numerous-Rock686 · 2026-04-07T16:16:15+00:00

Im in it right now with 2 kids. She was always altruistic and now became a narcissist. I blame myself for it.

NaderSalad · 2026-04-07T16:06:47+00:00

Narcissism 101

No_Chemistry8953 · 2026-04-07T15:59:19+00:00

I am right there with you. She burned everything to the ground overnight, told me she did not care about me anymore, and then has seemingly moved on without a single regret. 15 years and she just didn’t care.

Weekly_Tie6022 · 2026-04-07T15:53:31+00:00

I see that you have alot of built up frustration.. I get you man. It is takes quite a mature woman to admit their mistakes and actually acknowledge them, right? It also hurts that she has already moved on and seems like she doesn't care anymore - it freakin sucks. I know that feeling :/ Here I would like to write down some opinions about this situation, if you are open to it.. I always see that woman always looks for better options unless they see you as their best option. I know that it hurts to see that she just moved on right away, but when a woman does not see you as her best option, she really moves on very quick, if she finds a better option in her subjective eyes. Also my core philosophy on relationship between man and woman is [you should not "fight" for a relationship]. Because "fighting" for something indicates that there is a conflict within a relationship. The main thing that a man wants is a love&peace from a woman, right? From my opinion, how can you have a peaceful relationship, when there is a underlying belief, that you need to "fight" for a relationship? It is possible to have an effortless long-term relationship, thank God I am currently experiencing it.. You need to have that Masculine frame in which a Woman can enter into and cultivate her Genuine Burning Desire towards you. Once she has that Genuine Burning Desire and sees you as her best option, it is impossible for your future women to seek other options. If you would like to talk with me more about this, let's connect via dm.

StillMaterial5215 · 2026-04-07T15:34:28+00:00

I’m right there with you although I still have the upper hand with my filth of a STBXW. Never saw it coming. Not from a million miles away. But like I said in other posts, after a week of regulating my nervous system. It allll clicked. Her awfulness. Everything. It just clicked.

I can’t wait to see what’s next.

dystinct · 2026-04-07T15:32:00+00:00

Reflection is nice, but you have work to do. The more you dwell on this, the longer it will take to get on with your life.

Go live YOUR best life.

Title	I think I get it: she will never admit it.
Author	LaCathedrale
Upvotes	86
Comments	60
Date	April 7, 2026 3:16 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1seywls/i_think_i_get_it_she_will_never_admit_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-think-i-get-it-she-will-never-admit-it.1577378 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577378

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