I've heard this as an aphorism, but it felt a little trite and comforting - particularly when a man is wallowing in grief and frustration while the woman (who is statistically far more likely to instigate divorce) is apparently living their best life.

I can't say whether or not my ex is happier, although I'm she would testify that she is. I didn't want a divorce and felt I was treated cruelly - I felt the very best I could hope for would be to not feel horrible.

The kicker is, that I can honestly say I'm happier now than I've been in years. Obviously there are conscious actions, but I think something has changed under the surface without me realising.

I know these things are never set in concrete, and entropy and evolution force us to change - but right now, if the rest of life carried on as it is now, I would be happy. Quality time with my girls, my hobbies, the gym, the occasional date. Where it is OK if this is all I ever do.

I compare this to where I was last spring, where I was crying and wailing at the injustice and cruelty (still real, but now past), and desperately trying to fix something that was not only fundamentally broken but not even making me happy (it was still right to try), and there was a constant background fear of losing what I had, even when times were good.

The crucible of this divorce has allowed me to emancipate myself from the codependency, the need to 'fix'. I have been with women who were younger and fitter, more sexually available, more intelligent and cerebral, more independent and more aligned. I no longer live in fear of being alone forever -- both because I don't need a relationship to feel satisfied, but also because I have a lived experience that women can come and go, having had more dates in the last few months than I have had in my entire life up until that point.

Part of me wants to acknowledge my own progress, but the other wants to tell my short story to reassure men who, just like me, though life was over. It really DOES get better, and you may find, like me, that it's not only better than your lowest point but it's better than your previous high water mark.