Four months ago, my wife told me she wanted to separate/divorce. 2 days ago was our anniversary and Saturday, I move out. I currently looking at my life in boxes and a thought came over me: if I was going to end it all, now would be the perfect time. i'm already a ghost in this house, she only speaks to me when it's to yell at me or criticize my parenting. my son is young enough that it wouldn't effect too much of his day to day (I should know, my father died when I was about his age), and everything I own is already boxed up. it really would be the easiest transition.

the problem is, I keep talking myself out of it. finding fault with this method or that. I can't talk to anyone about this because...what would they say? I can't see a silver lining to the divorce, I have no intrest in starting over at 42. I just want it to be over.

but saturday does start my next chapter. i'm moving in with my aunt while I get settled and find a job (I got laid off on the same day she asked for the divorce, unrelated, just bad timing). because of this, I can't drown myself in substances because I'll need to pass a test, should one come up.

not really sure what I am expecting out of this post. I see others on this site with similar issues and wonder what's really the point. thanks for listening to my rambling.