Context: 15 year relationship, 10 year marriage- Left marriage after getting sober in 2024, multiple issues (lack of respect, lack of empathy regarding my sobriety, etc.)

Divorce was finalized earlier this year (Feb 2026), however, even though I was the one who left I have been the one who has gone through the emotional turmoil and just overall had the roughest time since the separation.

About 6 months (June 2025) after the separation we reestablished contact (my hope was enough time had passed that would could have an open dialogue, to try and make it work), turns out we had two different ideas what we wanted; she only wanted a physical sexual relationship and I wanted an actual retry at our relationship. In the time I had been gone she had basically said fuck it and went into full party girl mode. She was actively dating other guys and yet trying to have a sexual relationship with me while still seeing other people.

While there is nothing wrong with that, it just wasn't what I was expecting nor something I wanted to be a part of.

Now here we are a year and half since the separation, I still miss her immensely, carry a wallet photo of her and our cat in my hiking pack so they are with me on each hike and summit I conquer (because no matter what has happened she is still the most important person to me in the world) and its just like I am alone in being this way.

Sorry for the rant but man I just feel like I am alone like this some times.

Edit: added relationship time