Against my judgment and advice of most, I bit on counseling. The result: lost progress. Following no effort from her, we had a heart to heart. Turns out there was a major issue out of my control. I was never going to get anywhere. Now, I feel like I am slipping backward with sadness. Prior, I was getting to a point of acceptance, realizing she gave up on things that were important to me. Now, I just feel fucking sad. The night I knew it was over, relief came. Sadness woke me up the next morning.

It isn't the high notes bringing me down. Its all the little things that made our marriage ours. In no way do I feel I failed her; she played her role and gave up. At the same time, I see the marriage as this third person. I did let the marriage down. I am curious if anyone ending a marriage other than for the unforgivables or misery felt the same way. I could have done more for the marriage. Our marriage deserved better. That cannot be changed now but it blows.