Avoid Premature Attachment

Able_Excuse_4456 · 2026-07-23T16:14:01+00:00

Man, this will be some anti-hero advice, but my recommendation is to go purposely get rejected.

Go to a nearby city with a friend, have a drink or two to loosen up, and go lay your best line on the prettiest woman in the room. (Spoiler alert: she will reject you.) Cool. You did it.

If you are man enough, do it again. Go to the second prettiest woman in the room and do the same thing, expecting the same result. (Spoiler alert: she will reject you, and possibly slap you, depending on your delivery.). Cool. You did it.

We very easily attach ourselves to women who pay attention, give some affection, or give any affirmation. Because we think it is rare. STOP! It is not as rare as we think; we just have to experience what "real life" is like outside the confines of our former marriage.

If you give it a chance, it is good. That is your challenge.

SireSweet · 2026-07-22T03:52:29+00:00

My check list of getting right:

physically. (Gym, change diet)
financially (debt, taxes, savings,…)
Mentally (take time, get a hobby, love an animal/child/family)
Sleep good. (soft, clean and cool)

Basically you just want to clean everything that went wrong that we either invested or sacrificed in the name of the relationship.

As far as dating again. You’ll do best to recognize red flags and don’t ignore them. Don’t ignore them. See them. Acknowledge them and think about it.

I don’t know man. I’ve been on dates before and while I enjoy their company I’m more acute to behavior than I was before. Things said. How it’s said. Facial expressions. Etc. I make a mental note and enjoy the company— whatever that entails. If I confirm suspicions then it’s only going to be fun and nothing serious and I’ll treat her like that.

ReallySickofit55 · 2026-07-22T02:30:24+00:00

Dudes stop being so focused on looks. What is it getting you?

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-07-21T19:06:08+00:00

Make sure you’re done with your divorce first.

Do the work to figure out why you picked/enabled/tolerated/felt like you deserved a bad apple. Rebuild those broken parts of yourself. You can do that while you date, but realize you have blind spots.

Make your life complete, satisfying and purposeful without a woman. Learn to take care of yourself. Flex those hobbies. Build a network/community. Invest in service opportunities. Don’t be the guy that jumps into a relationship just because he doesn’t know how to be alone or is bored or insecure.

Don’t move in with each other, mix finances, get a dog, jump into building your life around her, etc. Take the time to work on yourself, to figure out her baggage and issues, and assess the fit before getting enmeshed.

I started dating the former spouse of my ex’s affair partner shortly after both of our divorces were final. In retrospect, it was too soon, but I could see that she was a quality woman and didn’t want to let the opportunity pass. It’s been almost a year now and we’re still dating and it’s awesome, but we’re both taking it really slow and getting a good feel for each other.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-07-21T04:39:50+00:00

I understand the need for human touch and connection and all that comes with intimacy and lust.
If you really want to avoid premature attachment I would say that do all the work. By work I mean get divorced first and focus on getting that done, then work on getting yourself settled and rebuilding.
To me, I would say that getting a new love interest, if you so choose and sounds like it might be important, should be the icing on the cake at the end of your healing journey.
But I know when you are younger, lust might want you to skip and go straight for intimacy.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-07-21T00:11:27+00:00

Date her and let her go, even if she’s “perfect”. Don’t marry your rebound and there’s always at least one rebound.

WarrGo1 · 2026-07-20T23:34:51+00:00

I too am worried about this. There is a woman at a different office that is close to my age. Hot and with a grandkid but I am scared to ask her out. Super nice too but if she says no will it become awkward? Also worried about the rebound.

kovz34 · 2026-07-20T20:38:40+00:00

Many men and women sleep around after divorce. It’s part of the healing process as far as I’m concerned. Enjoy your time with this one, but keep your options open. Don’t settle down too quickly.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-07-20T20:31:16+00:00

Just have fun and be honest with her. You like her company but want to move slowly. Make sure she knows your boundaries and by boundaries I mean your friends, families, hobbies.

Don't move in or entertain ideas of moving in. Just enjoy the single life. Watch for the red flags

brebel240 · 2026-07-20T20:12:47+00:00

The fear of getting too attached/getting hurt will freeze you in place if you let it. Go after that girl. What’s the worst that can happen? She breaks up with you? We’re all divorced, there’s not much else a new girl can do to hurt us more than we’ve already been hurt. 😂

247_Hunter · 2026-07-20T19:48:12+00:00

I know you didn’t want to hear it, but seriously, hit the gym. Do hard shit that makes you a better man. Lock in for the next 6 months, and you can seriously change every aspect of your life.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-07-20T18:03:19+00:00

Men primarily form attachment bonds through activities that produce vasopressin. These are activities like accomplishing a task together or going to new places together. If your goal is to not form an attachment then Netflix and chill is in order.

Problem is women form attachment through activities that produce oxytocin which means sex is out of the question unless you don't care if she catches feelings or gets her heart broken. If you go the Netflix and chill route she will get attached.

Mother nature is a tricky bitch and has ensured that having your cake and eating it too is out of the question as far as relationships are concerned. My advice until you take care of business and get divorced and are actually ready to find another life partner then don't waste your time and energy on women. It will only lead to a path of destruction.

Overall-Passion-7374 · 2026-07-20T17:59:23+00:00

Wear a condom.

GunnarReade · 2026-07-20T17:27:10+00:00

Yes indeed...here's my advice:

Enjoy it! You deserve it.

If you're worried about premature attachment, the solution for me was to spin plates, post-separation/divorce. A friend encouraged it, and I hesitated, thinking there was something wrong with it.

As it turned out, there wasn't anything wrong with it at all. It allowed me to take a unique path of discovery about women, relationships, and more importantly, about myself - allowing me to realize what my own needs are in a more focused manner.

Post-separation offers a unique opportunity to learn more about yourself, not just how much you can bench.

Have fun!

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-07-20T17:20:00+00:00

Don’t throw mud at wall trying to fill the hole. There are 4 billion women out there. Take your time, heal, take nothing seriously

Title	Avoid Premature Attachment
Author	totallydone2020
Upvotes	19
Comments	30
Date	July 20, 2026 5:04 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1v1rd8d/avoid_premature_attachment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/avoid-premature-attachment.1585475 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585475

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