So back in early November I was rejected by a girl in my English class I really liked and fell into a month long depression afterwards. The actual rejection didn't hurt as me much as the fact that she lied straight to my face about why she rather have nothing than have me. She said it was because she was hurt before and wasn't looking for a relationship when really it was because of my explicit beta-ness and validation seeking. I even knew she was lying but was too much of a beta to say anything. So instead of confronting her I cut off all contact with her like a beta bitch.

So after moping arround for a while I discovered TRP and started to study up on the theory. My two favorite red pillers in particular are Todd Valentine and Roosh V. The months of studying finally paid off when I lost my virginity last Monday. I only knew the girl for 1.5 weeks. I literally put in no effort and faked being a "bad boy," when I was clearly the opposite. Granted, I did get a little lucky by the fact that she was a low value woman (still a 8/10 imo, just shitty social skills) and explicitly made the first move on me. BUT I still handled well because I faked it till I made it. I faked my high valueness to a point where she only saw me as high value. I also gave no fucks about what I said to her. I have no feelings for this girl but I am still talking to her for sex.

But still, even after fucking her, I still feel unsatisfied. I still don't feel alpha and I still have low self esteem. I admit I am still very far away from becoming alpha but I feel as though I have made no progress. In fact, I actually feel kinda bad for fucking her because she only fucked me (I took her virginity too btw) because I made up a false image of myself. What would really make me feel better is if I fucked the girl that rejected me. I know I probably have oneitis but I just want to make her feel how I felt. I want to humiliate her as she humiliated me and made me feel like shit for 5 months. She ruined my senior year of high school (or, too be fair, her and my former beta-ness did). I hate her and every time I think about her or see her in English I get extremely angry/sad.

What I want to know if it is possible to game her like I gamed girl #2. Even though I gave us a lot of distance, there are many contextual obstacles that stand in my way of getting her. For one, I already proved that I was lower value than her by confessing my attraction to her and getting rejected by her. So I can't really fake it till I make it like I did with the other girl. Secondly, I psyche myself out when I see her. In the times we do talk (she thinks we're still on good terms because I am still too beta to tell her that I hate her), I lose my game and can have only logical conversation with her. My question is, how do I make her perceive me as alpha/high value from afar? Would flaunting girl #2 make her perceive me as alpha? Will she even care? I have felt like shit since November and I know that gaming her will make me feel tons better about myself. Not because I necessarily want her (I stopped romanticizing her months ago. Girl #2 is more attractive than her), but because I want the satisfaction of knowing I am good enough to get what I want. I know this sounds like I am being bitter, but I want to feel good about myself again.

03/03 EDIT: Finally mustered up the balls to try to game her today. I tried flirting/negging her (with physical contact) and she seemed more annoyed than anything. Thinking of either hitting her with more explicit game or just letting it go altogether.