Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned

Ultramegasaurus · 2014-08-16T18:23:59+00:00

Well, I'm sure I'll be criticized for it but here goes......women just seem to want what they currently don't have and, sadly, when they get what they didn't have, they AGAIN want what they (currently) don't have. I no longer care what women want....because I don't know and neither do they! And trying to provide what they want only causes problems for the man........

First comment I saw and it's spot-on. It's useless to try to examine what women want, why "Great Husbands are being abandoned" or whatever. It's a rat race, really. And if we point out how women's stated expectations and ideals do not coincide with their behavior and choices and that it creates confusion among men, we're lambasted. Just look how "nice guys" are thrashed, although women (and media) told men to be nice, kind, considerate, non-jerk in general

lafielle · 2014-08-16T20:38:46+00:00

In medieval times, marriages were for life, and they constituted an exchange. Men, being unable to have children, while being very capable of doing hard physical labour, traded their ability to work for a woman's ability to have children, and she accepted this deal as she in turn lacked the ability of doing the hard physical labour and thus secure enough income to survive.

The ideal husband was one with a steady job, a blacksmith or a merchant or a noble who owned land, while the ideal wife was young and fertile - traits we still seek in partners today.

Marriage as a contract came with protections for the woman so that she could not be gotten rid of once she got old but rather was assured of a safe future, while men were granted legal authority over the children. They were -his- children. Breach of this contract, such as adultery, or failure to provide, was logically punished harshly, as it broke the basic contract of marriage as people believed in at the time.

In modern days, men still deliver the hard physical labour, often being the income earners, but a woman's obligation to bear his children has completely disappeared. With no-fault divorce, women can additionally get out of the contract that does not oblige them to do anything. But the traditional requirement that men continue to take care of their now ex-wives even past marriage still exists in the form of alimony.

The only requirement still on women, and this is not a legal requirement but a social one, is that they remain faithful to their partner. Or at least hold up the pretence. If you don't society will, as a consequence of the old contract, still hold you accountable to some degree. And women are, I believe, held more accountable in this then men, as a consequence of the way marriage used to work.

I don't think medieval marriages were a good thing. They worked at the time, but times have changed and there is some MAJOR shit wrong with it for both men and women by modern standards. But you need to know a traditions history to understand what it currently does.

And knowing how the marriage contract evolved, and how now all the burdens are placed on men while all the benefits are given to women, I find it no wonder that women are so open to divorce - after all, even after the marriage ends, they will still get to have all the benefits of the marriage such as income and security. But with divorce, that final expectations of society, that last obligation that comes with the marriage contract, no matter how small, ends.

Marriage grants all rights to women and all obligations to men save one single burden placed on the woman. Divorce changes that deal such that it removes that final burden.

Seems to me like men choosing not to marry and women choosing to divorce their husbands, are making the only rational choice given the circumstances. If we wish to change that, we need to change those circumstances and give marriage equal benefits and equal burdens for both partners. Only then will divorce rates drop and marriage rates increase once more.

mean0dean0 · 2014-08-17T04:31:39+00:00

In this article: women treat men the way they treat clothing, and the author believes it's the men's fault for not being everything the woman wants PLUS everything she doesn't even know she wants. At no point does the author ever ask what women's responsibility in relationships is.

Nomenimion · 2014-08-16T18:53:04+00:00

Oh if only abandonment were the extent of the problem; marriage is to men what rape is to women.

Black_caped_man · 2014-08-16T19:03:51+00:00

You know, why can't people just get to be who they are huh? A partner that wants to change you doesn't love you for who you are and they probably never will. Move on and don't look back.

I have a cynical view of this article and a bit more "open minded" one too, cynical goes first.

These husbands that were so "androgynous" who were left by their wives, do doubt with alimony and having to pay for the children while their wives were away with some bad boy toy were conflicted when their wives wanted them back. They were so entirely broken that they would still consider taking a woman like that back, I actually pity these guys. They should stand up for themselves and move the fuck on. Becoming aware of your emotional and feminine side is not a bad thing, but to stop thinking entirely and just listen to what everyone else is saying and basically becoming all submissive (unless you are actually in to that stuff) when you really are not is not the way to a happy life. Perhaps these men were just naturally the submissive type, i don't know... but I can't possibly believe that all of them were like this.

Why can't a man get to be a lover and a defender if he wants to be? A soldier and a nurturer? I personally don't like kids but see me around animal babies and I'm the biggest softy you ever saw, I am somewhat in touch with and actually pretty proud of my emotional range, all that jazz. But I can still stand up for myself and what I want, I won't apologize for the fact that I want certain things out of life. I don't want a submissive partner (well perhaps in the bedroom but that's a whole different story and not entirely that simple either) I actually want someone who will compliment me and still be my equal and respect me for who I am. The problem with the women in this article is that they have no kind of basic respect for their (ex)husbands, even the author misses this when she writes that the men need their "hierarchal respect" and they have lost it. A man shouldn't have to be in a power position in order to have and deserve respect, least of all from his partner, this just means that she sees him as so much lower than herself and how can you love someone you perceive as less worthy?

In the end, these are not great husbands, and certainly not great wives. These are people being told to be something they are not in order for others to love them, and tge others are trying to love a quality that they do not in order to be happy/satisfied. They will never be really happy because they are both lying to themselves.

baskandpurr · 2014-08-16T20:47:12+00:00

At some point women might realise that their are two people in a relationship. I don't give a fuck whether a woman wants an emotional prop, a knight in shining armor or bit of rough. Unless associating with her offers me some sort of benefit why should I get involved? Let's see some articles about things men want from women in a relationship.

Nomenimion · 2014-08-16T23:13:44+00:00

The answer is to stop pandering to women. Be a fucking man, not an emotional tampon.

RecycledRedditor · 2014-08-18T18:07:54+00:00

Don't get married, go MGTOW.

2014-08-17T04:21:38+00:00

I don't see what the problem is here... Next

Title	Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned
Author	MHRA_Leander
Upvotes	34
Comments	26
Date	August 16, 2014 5:25 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/2dqg57/why-great-husbands-are-being-abandoned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-great-husbands-are-being-abandoned.1620170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1620170

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