Is it a red flag if he(19m) can't explain/answer why he likes me(19f)?

fim_de_semana · 2020-10-13T14:11:08+00:00

I’d be pissed at “you won’t be able to understand.” That’s something you can decide for yourself.

I’m not getting good vibes here.

Lalelolaleelo · 2020-10-13T15:05:58+00:00

You only started talking to him recently and are already fighting? Move on and focus on your studies.

nycgirlhere · 2020-10-13T15:59:25+00:00

I think it’s a major red flag, it’s like an inability to communicate your feelings that should be what I think is pretty basic. I like you because you’re kind, you’re thoughtful, you’re passionate about X, like I could say that about all my friends who I’m not even romantically interested in. Imagine a few months down the line, this poor communication, asking him: hey where is this going? why did you do that? why did you not respond? getting the same level of communication

It’s a sign of immaturity

umbralgarden · 2020-10-13T18:38:59+00:00

He's DUMB. Period. It's not more complicated than that. Maybe lazy too. If he can't come up with a compliment on the fly in the "honey moon phase" it'll only get worse and he'll never be sweet or communicative. He can't even form a sentence to express how he feels about you. I bet he gets D's on papers too. This is the kid in class who wrote one word for full sentence questions. And got mad when he failed.

Seriously when you reject men like this you're holding all men to a higher standard and helping all fellow women. I dated 19 year olds in college who couldn't stop writing poetry for me. Meanwhile this dumdum can't even bring up your eyes or your personality.

madamejesaistout · 2020-10-13T14:21:32+00:00

I don't think it's a red flag. It can be very hard to articulate why you're attracted to someone, I think it comes from a place in us that doesn't have language.

If you are certain that you don't want to date him right now, you can say so. If he said the right thing, would he convince you to give him a chance? If so, what is it?

I'd suggest that you be clear with yourself, what do you want from him right now? Is he willing and able to give that to you? If not then let him go.

CelebrationKey · 2020-10-13T17:21:04+00:00

This reminds me of me! A year into dating my husband he asked me the same thing and I quoted a sonnet by Pablo Neruda that begins with "I love you without knowing how" It caused a pretty big misunderstanding. I was trying to be deep and he took it for face value - that I didn't know why I was with him and I couldn't list any good qualities.

There can be a million reasons why someone is lovable/likeable, and a suitable partner all of which is nice to hear, sure, but flattery is so surface level . To some people, like me, its the deeper less superficial and unexplainable reasons that mean the most.

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-10-13T23:13:04+00:00

Personally, I don't think you should ever ask a guy that. It comes off as needy and seeking validation. Don't give away your power.

Also you guys are young. If you don't think he's "the one" I would suggest putting 0 energy into guys and dumping them as soon as they fuck up. Why invest in someone you're not gonna keep?

6lackPrincess · 2020-10-15T10:12:08+00:00

Yeah definitely a red flag.

Title	Is it a red flag if he(19m) can't explain/answer why he likes me(19f)?
Author	tobitchabout
Upvotes	35
Comments	20
Date	October 13, 2020 1:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askfds/comments/jad6ec/is-it-a-red-flag-if-he19m-cant-explainanswer-why-/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/is-it-a-red-flag-if-he19m-cant-explainanswer-why.1629078 https://theredarchive.com/post/1629078

Comments