Captain Characteristics

mobilus · 2014-08-27T05:12:41+00:00

Wolf Alpha http://theredpillroom.blogspot.ca/2012/12/the-three-alphas.html

PhantomDream09 · 2014-08-27T15:39:16+00:00

You should be sure to read the linked material (and comments) from Love Is Not Enough.

The truth is, it went wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

A stable relationship has to consist of more than fireworks and sizzles. We often have women ask "how can I if a man is good or not?" We warn users about being overly specific with 'check-lists' because many people go off the deep end with unrealistic musts. Many people have a physical 'type' that they prefer, which is fine...but also something I never really understood.

My exes look nothing alike, nor do their personalities have much in common. My SO is very different from the other gentlemen I dated, and far better in every way imaginable. I never had a 'must' list in terms of looks, or job or politics. Instead I had things that I valued, and that I wanted my SO to value as well. If I'm being completely honest, I never really knew what I wanted (and needed) until Occam came along and showed me everything that had always been missing previously.

So instead of all or nothing 'must' lists that cover everything from eye color to suit preference, go with something a little more abstract.

Finances: We have similar attitudes towards money
Social Life: We both like to spend out time doing similar 'energy level' activities (both extroverts and introverts may struggle more if they pair with someone that is opposite to them)
Personal morality/philosophies: We either both have similar ideas, or we can discuss anything at length without feeling irritated/pressured to change our stance. My SO and I have many similar outlooks, but when our opinions don't line up it's never an issue.
Honest/Straightforward: You can trust that he will always tell you what you need to hear (even if it's not the same as what you want to hear). A good man let's you know exactly what you mean to him. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, he will make that known.
We both feel the same way about kids and marriage. This is huge. If you want 5 kids, then dating Mr. Hunk isn't going to work if he isn't interested in being a dad. I cannot tell you how many people start (and stay) in relationships with the hope/belief that their SO will "come around eventually." I see both men and women continue along, thinking that their SO will magically do a 180 on either (or both) of these subjects. Think of the outcomes:

They do genuinely change their opinion
You genuinely come around to their way of thinking
They don't actually change, but they decide to set aside their own preferences to make you happy
You don't actually change, but you set aside your personal wants to make your SO happy

You do not want to gamble when it comes to marriage and kids if you feel strongly about these subjects - so don't put yourself in a position where you have to cross your fingers and hope. Don't fall for the trap that says "I can change him for the better!" If you don't like the person he is and the values he holds when you meet him, then you should move on.

You also have to take stock of what you bring to the table. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What do you have to offer a good man?

The bad news? Dating takes time, patience, and there will be a lot of hits and misses. The good news? You only have to be right once.

little_red_ · 2014-08-27T04:17:44+00:00

before you make a list of what you want in a relationship, ask yourself what do you bring to the relationship? your expectations may be unrealistic if you are this girl, but having similar expectations and being a high quality woman with a lot to offer a man of that caliber will change the level of 'realistic' expectations.

sierrasecho · 2014-08-27T19:52:58+00:00

Integrity. This is a rather big, blanket term, but I do find it easy to identify. He has thought out, and follows HIS personal value code (not necessarily one outlined by a church, etc.) It is also about trustworthiness, that you can rely on him to make good decisions. It is also about he won't take your shit, which will push you to be a better human being as well. A good link: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/04/07/living-a-life-of-integrity/
Drive for self-improvement. This also takes many forms but can include fitness, career development, business opportunities and just general quest for new knowledge and skills.

For me, those two meta-traits are all I look for really in a "good man" (and by the way, have a very good one)

On top of those, the compatibility factors as /u/PhantomDream09 outlines are key. Shared values, and life direction. Similar thoughts on what is right/wrong, and things like marriage, kids and finances, and an understanding of how to deal with minor disagreements.

Of course all on top of mutual attraction. But that does not necessarily make a good captain, but a key part of a good relationship.

drugdoctor87 · 2014-08-29T01:12:43+00:00

Masculine, knows how to fix stuff, stable (in terms of job, relationships, financially), intelligent, confident, and lastly... "playful" (I think that's the right word?)

[deleted] · Fri Aug 29 1:41:46 2014 UTC

[permanently deleted]

Title	Captain Characteristics
Author	LeggyBlueEyes
Upvotes	8
Comments	8
Date	August 27, 2014 2:58 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2eovz9/captain_characteristics/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/captain-characteristics.165711 https://theredarchive.com/post/165711

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