Marriage?

TempestTcup · 2016-02-25T14:50:20+00:00

How to help him want it too (he's talked about it a lot and he does but isn't "ready" yet)

So, basically you want to know how to coerce him into rushing a marriage that he doesn't want yet, in hopes of a chance of you having a kid at nearly 40 years of age. We don't coerce men into things they don't want (yet) around here, and we don't try to control relationships.

I imagine the reason that he isn't ready yet, is because he is agreeing with what you want just to be agreeable, but he doesn't actually want those things anywhere as much as you do. I would say that he is probably lukewarm on the subject.

You have only been together for a year and a half; that is still a very new relationship, and wanting a baby is not a good reason to rush a man into a marriage unless he has the same desire for a baby as you.

cats_or_get_out · 2016-02-25T14:50:54+00:00

How to help him want it [marriage] too

You don't. Either he's all in or you don't do it. Stop trying to control the situation.

little_red_ · 2016-02-25T14:27:41+00:00

How long were you with your ex before you decided to get married? A year and a half is really nothing in the long run. That is a HUGE commitment to make just because you are antsy to have another kid. He doesn't want to be rushed into it and you're looking for ways to hurry the process up. RPW isn't going to give you pointers on how to strongarm your boyfriend into marriage.

strawberry_shade · 2016-02-25T17:50:49+00:00

So what you're saying is that you got into a relationship with a man and let him and his daughter bond with your 8 year old daughter without the certainty that he's going to stick around.

Congratulations on this one. If he leaves, to her he's going to be (at least) the second man that abandoned her.

You've also mentioned the health problems of his. Are you sure he's going to be able to provide for the five of you when you stay at home with the baby? And are you sure that having a baby being this age is really a good idea? some help

CamusSeesSumac · 2016-02-25T12:49:18+00:00

Freezing your eggs costs about $10k. Can you afford it?

Are you sure he also wants more kids, or is it possible he is just saying it when you bring it up?

HappyWifeLife · 2016-02-25T13:57:04+00:00

He sounds like he has a lot to recover from and throwing a new kid into a new relationship at that age is super scary.

Its fine to want these things and to talk about them, but honestly, you can gauge how much he really wants this by the actions HE is taking RIGHT NOW to make that happen.

How invested are you in this picture (new marriage and new baby)? Because you may not get what you want.

How much time have you spent researching pregnancy and child rearing at this late state in the game? Are you going forward with only your wants or are you able to balance desire and practicality.

I married again, late like you, and with the hopes of one more kiddo. It didn't happen and I was sad not to have another child but also glad in hindsight that we didn't.

VintageVee · 2016-02-25T15:54:16+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, but I am seeing a lot of 'I want' in this post - what about what he wants? How about letting him have some mental space to figure it out since he's had health scares and financial problems - no man worth his salt is going to be keen to marry you with all that going on for him personally right now. He needs some recovery time and I think you need to back off a bit, and I say that with all the best intentions, from one woman who's keen to marry her boyfriend to another!

If he isnt actively wanting a child and making that happen, then trying to coerce him will do damage to him, you, your children, your relationship, and any baby that may result. Generally men know what they want and go after it, and it's a big sign if they don't!

littleteafox · 2016-02-25T16:45:14+00:00

How to help him want it too (he's talked about it a lot and he does but isn't "ready" yet)

Ready for marriage or for another child? Or both? Have both of you sat down and talked about it seriously, including your decreasing fertility? It's hard for me to ascertain how he feels based off of what you've said, other than he talks about it "a lot" and doesn't feel "ready". What's prompted him to talk about it "a lot"? Does he bring it up on his own, or it in response to something you've said? Did he talk about why he wasn't feeling ready? I think a more in-depth conversation, with you doing more of the listening, could help.

In the meantime, there is egg freezing as Camus suggested, and I think there are fertility tests you can go see your doctor about to get a better idea of what your chances of getting pregnant are. There is a good book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" that can help you understand your body and increase your chances of becoming pregnant later (because you're more informed). And of course, there is always adoption.

[deleted] · 2016-02-25T19:32:37+00:00

Thank you all for the comments and help, I'm trying to see things more clearly and these opinions definitely give me some good insight!

aanarchist · 2016-02-26T05:02:26+00:00

trp take on this is you spent all of your youth with your alpha husband. i have a friend who sounds similar where she makes a lot of money and her new boyfriend is broke as fuck, she says she's going to marry him eventually. truth is she put up with a dipshit for 16 years, and this new guy is getting the boot if he makes the wrong move, if she thinks she can do better at 46 that is. on the other hand i appreciate the idea that you're happy with a beta man.

Title	Marriage?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	26
Date	February 25, 2016 6:50 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/47hoxx/marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/marriage.166717 https://theredarchive.com/post/166717

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