Hi sisters, I recently found FDS — definitely the sanest and smartest relationships sub. I'm 20 and am new to the dating scene, so I'm a bit naive and would really love your help.

I'm currently dating a PhD student at my school, and I don't know how much I should invest / if this relationship is worth continuing.

The TLDR is: He is currently treating me very well, and he says he's more excited about me than any other girl he's dated, and he wants this to work out. Whenever we are together (phone call, date, travel, etc) we both feel really great. Whenever we aren't, I feel pessimistic about the relationship. He's so open about his shortcomings, so I know a lot about him, and I don't feel comfortable investing emotionally. Therefore I don't know what to do with this relationship.

Below are my perceptions of his HV/LV characteristics. Are any of these particularly important? Which side outweighs the other?

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HV characteristics:

- ambitious: goal is to be a professor

- tasteful: his apartment is organized, clean, and has classy character (artworks, leather, congruent colour scheme)

- intelligent: most well-read person I've met at college

- emotionally stable: generally cheerful personality, handles unpleasant surprises well, never shows anger (on a backpacking trip, his friend forgot his tent so he drove an additional 2 hours back to fetch it. He said to me, as the friend went to get his tent, "Damn, I really wish he hadn't done that")

- financially smart: invests well

- attractive: lifts regularly

- responsible: he spent 7 months meticulously planning the backpacking trip and reminding me about details of the plans

- open and trustworthy: to my knowledge, he's never lied to me. He's been very open about who he is and what he wants, and I think that is miles better than my ex who would tell me whatever I wanted to hear in order to get what he wants.

- great relationship with his family

- self-aware: he does a lot of introspection on his shortcomings (listed below). A few years ago he really wanted to change for the better, but more recently I think he's become more complacent, just accepting who he is.

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LV characteristics:

- emotionally stunted?

He tells me that his emotions don't fluctuate very much and that he's always been more robotic than other people, and he thinks maybe romantic relationships are futile because even if he wants to love them, he doesn't feel so deeply. On one hand he's emotionally stable, but on the other hand he just... doesn't feel very much.

When I brought up an emotional concern, he put his arm around me for the conversation but closed his eyes and assumed a very stoic, unemotional countenance. I told him I'll head out if this isn't a good time to have this conversation and he insisted that it is, that he wants to hear it.

He broke up with one of his exes when he went off for graduate school and she was still in undergrad. She called him nasty things, and he says it's because she expected that they would continue a LDR after graduation if necessary. He says the thought never even occurred to him.

- promiscuous

He was in a frat, his body count is in the double digits, when he isn't in an exclusive relationship he goes through a lot of hookups.

- power/ego

He says he has always been the one to break up with his exes. There is something really wrong with this. This suggests to me that he doesn't see being in a relationship as being in a team; he sees it as a competition. He has to have the upper hand, he wins if the other person cares more and invests more and he can break it off.

- insecurities

He's short, and had a terrible relationship with his stepmother. These are probably big influences for his negative characteristics.