Shit test confused the shit out of me. Help?

fnordsnord · 2015-07-20T15:42:20+00:00

Lemme get this straight -

She stood you up, so you didn't speak to her for 3 days. Did she try to contact you during this period?
When you set up a meeting, she told you she wasn't in town. She went out of town without telling you?
When you asked her if she was having a good time, she didn't even remember what you were talking about?

Dude - you are barely impinging on this woman's consciousness. You are wasting your time pursuing you. These are not shit tests. This behavior is a clear signal that you have failed to achieve any attraction at all.

Go zero contact. Delete all her contact information. Chase other skirts.

Quit wasting your time and annoying her.

She's not into you.

ScottRikkard · 2015-07-20T16:11:24+00:00

She flaked
You apologized
You chased, she deflected.
You chased again, using laws of power as an excuse.
She still does not show interest.

Dude I'm cringing so hard right know, why are you even talking about shit tests and going nuclear if she clearly does not give a single flying fuck about you.

Bruh do you even read yourself? You chase, she bails, you chase more, she doesn't give a shit, you stalk her some more, shits given by her: still zero.

I have the feeling that, the situation you think you're in, it's actually the opposite of what's happening, you're implying reactions and thoughts that this girl may be having towards you, while in reality you're the only one having them. Seriously, this is not some dread game of hers bullshit, this is you hamstering hard, cut all contact and move on, or at the very least stop this bullshit illusion that you have something going on here.

edit: words.

secret_barber · 2015-07-20T15:04:28+00:00

Failed appointment? Does this mean she missed a date? If yes, you should have never contacted her again.

Apologized for what? Never rationalize yourself into apologizing. If you don't immediately feel like you fucked up in a major way, most likely you should not apologize.

"request to talk," "having a good time," and "we need to see each other."

What the fuck are you doing? You are trying to talk way too much. Men express themselves with action. Women talk. You "need" to talk to her? ...every woman is going to hate you, if you say this to them.

Archwinger · 2015-07-20T18:35:44+00:00

Oh, fucking God, where to begin with you.

Failed appointment, got me really angry. 3 days without talking.

A girl flaked on you. Girls do that all the time. Thankfully, you have five or six other girls you’re fucking already and this didn’t faze you at all, right? You just hooked up with one of your other plates?

Wait, you don’t have any other women? This one particular woman who flaked on you was your only prospect and is special to you? A “very good friend”? No fucking wonder she flaked.

And you got “really angry”? This one really special friend of yours affects your emotional state to that extent? Don’t you have any hobbies, friends, other women, anything you could do with your life besides sitting around being pissed off about some girl flaking on you? Was this girl, meeting you at some particular place at some particular time, really the most important thing you had going on at time? Was it really important at all?

So you went 3 days without talking? That’s fine, but you did it for the wrong reasons. You did it because you were butt-hurt. The correct response is to quit bothering her, go fuck other women, and let her come to you six months from now when she hears from a friend of a friend what a pussy-slaying master player you are. If a woman flakes on you and doesn’t propose an alternate day and time, she’s not interested.

Realized I also made a mistake by not being patient with her and understanding her hard times (I acted like a 'nice guy'), so I wrote an apology basically saying "I didn't have patience with you :|”

So after three days of not talking to this girl who flaked on you, you broke from all of the pressure and decided to make a desperate follow-up bid for her attention after she expressed her lack of interest by flaking on you? Because you’re a loser who has nothing else going on, no other women, no other prospects, not even friends or hobbies, and you just sat around crying for three days or something? Doesn’t matter if any of that is true or not – that’s how she’ll perceive it when you text her three days after she’s let you know she’s not interested by flaking on you.

4 days without texting

When a woman wants you, she’ll text you 3-5 texts in a row for every text you send, and won’t leave you hanging more than a few minutes. This one’s not interested in you, and she’s telling you that, exactly the way that women tell men they don’t want them. By continuing to pester her, you demonstrate that you don’t understand the rules, you don’t understand how the game is played, and you just plain don’t get it.

It’s annoying for her to have to deal with you – a child who doesn’t know the social rules. She doesn’t want to have to address you like she would a four-year-old and specifically spell out to you that you’re not getting any, you’re a loser, and why. Nor should she have to. You’re a grown-up. It’s not her job to educate you on how to be a grown-up.

Comes to answer my request to talk in person saying "I'm not in town"

So after four days, I’m inferring from this that you sent her yet another pestering communication asking to meet with you in person, after she clearly expressed her disinterest by flaking on you, not contacting you (or even thinking about you) the whole 3 days you went silent on her, by not responding to your next text (or even thinking about you) for the whole 4 days you went without texting again? Really?

So she threw you a bone, because you’re clearly a pathetic loser who doesn’t get it, by telling you she’s “not in town.” It doesn’t matter if that’s true or not. She was getting rid of you because the normal ways of getting rid of guys who get it weren’t working with you.

3 days later (law of power no. 16) I text "having a good time there?"

It’s funny that you consider yourself as somebody dealing from a position of power. Because it doesn’t matter how many days you wait. You are, once again, pestering this woman who’s clearly not interested with another text message. It takes 15-25 seconds to respond to your text. If she’s in the shower or getting fucked by another guy and sees it an hour later, she’ll respond then, in 15-25 seconds. Unless she doesn’t want to fucking deal with you.

Within hours she asks "there what?"

But she remembers you’re an idiot, so she tries to politely blow you off again. And you think you’re some kind of master manipulator because you exposed a possible lie! But in all of this super over-thinking you’ve been doing, you missed the even bigger issue: she’s not into you.

Footnote: this may be an allusion to "do you think I'm fucking other guys?". She's in her grandparents - posted about it on instagram, I didn't like nor comment - and is ready for a counterpunch, expecting my jealousy.

You are overthinking this. You also aren’t being clear. Is this woman your wife? Your monogamous girlfriend? Just some chick you want? If you aren’t married to her or in a serious relationship with an agreement of monogamy, there’s no such thing as alluding to “do you think I’m fucking other guys?” They’re not “other guys”. They’re the real guys. You’re the loser chump who won’t stop bothering her.

Basically she was being bothered by a lot of people and needed some fresh air to cool her head off, I'm interested in getting to know how things are right now, but I can't show that much interest.

You’re one of the people that’s bothering her. You would be doing her a big favor if you did exactly that and expressed no interest in “getting to know how things are right now,” and left her the fuck alone unless she contacts you first.

She not only expects me to be jealous but also expects me to come and ask how things are.

She probably does expect that. But she doesn’t want it. She hopes you finally take a hint and go away.

My standard plan is "we need to see each other before I leave and I'm tired of texting, when can we have a coffee?".

Will you please, please, with sugar on top, use that standard plan with other girls and leave this one alone? Life is not a goddamn Disney movie. It doesn’t matter how persistent you are. You’re not going to get the girl. She’s going to fuck about twelve guys like me instead. She's probably fucking someone right now. Someone she's actually into, who's not so goddamn clingy, needy, and annoying. Someone who could be with any number of girls and has piles of options, but decided to take a couple of hours of his valuable time to fuck her. That's an attractive guy. You ought to be fucking about twelve girls better than this one instead of pining over your lost friendship.

I treated her as a genuine friend and she brought me up nothing but shit tests. It's time for hard answers, and I'm thinking on going nuclear solution as soon as this opportunity presents itself to me.

Okay, seriously, are you a troll or something? Look, this girl probably tried to be friends with you initially, picked up that you were interested, and started trying to be more cool and distant to avoid giving you the wrong idea. You didn’t get it and kept doubling down, and now she had to go to her grandparents’ to get the fuck away from you.

FrameWalker · 2015-07-20T16:09:25+00:00

You care too much and are too stubborn to see that this girl is not into you. Let's say you do get another date with her. How likely is she to put out? 0-3% at best

btharmony · 2015-07-20T19:11:45+00:00

Hey man listen,

I've been lurking TRP quite some time and am not fully keen on the definitions. However, I was just like you at one point and my friend you are in denial. You are living too much in the moment and you have definitely caught feelings for this girl. It's really all in your head and ignore the people trolling you for being in love. You're fantasizing about the ideal relationship you two could possibly have, but you have to get past the stage of denial. Listen, you want to frame this situation in a sense that gives you a little false hope in terms of getting this girl. She is not worth your time if this is how she treats you and the second you forget her existence is when you will become empowered. Cut her cold, you will hurt and be sad. You'll reach for your phone to check for texts, be tempted to message, but it all goes away. Embrace the few days-weeks of emptiness and keep yourself busy. TRUST ME I know what you're going through and it sucks, but only you can help yourself. This girl does not give a shit about you so stop giving a shit about her.

[deleted] · 2015-07-20T21:06:42+00:00

Dude how old are you? This is some high school shit

Merwebb · 2015-07-21T12:03:23+00:00

Dude you have way too many details on this, you are overthinking.

Accept your oneitis, deal with it and go for other women.

Title	Shit test confused the shit out of me. Help?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	53
Date	July 20, 2015 2:53 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3dy9l5/shit_test_confused_the_shit_out_of_me_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/shit-test-confused-the-shit-out-of-me-help.189692 https://theredarchive.com/post/189692

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