TRP, will you give me your advice? My life is out of control.

secret_barber · 2015-03-09T20:43:32+00:00

No matter what you do in life, there is going to be "work" involved. Essentially, you are displaying an inability to do the work that is required of you. The military, business ...both require massive amounts of "boring" work. Start learning now, how to get work done quickly and efficiently ...before a business or someone else's life is on the line.

Make a list of shit you have to do and start at the top.

[deleted] · 2015-03-09T21:06:14+00:00

This sounds familiar, so I'm going to speak to it from experience. About the time I hit 17, I had about a freshman's worth of credits. After a certain point, it feels hopeless because it feels like there is no way to catch back up. And depending on your school, this may be true.

You are, as they call it, "slipping through the cracks". You have to decide right now to take positive action, if you intend to get a high-school diploma. This an uphill battle, but one that is winnable - if you have the fortitude to see it through.

Talk to a councilor to map out what needs to happen. You may have an option to make up credits, there may be a special class or summer school program or something like that to bridge the gap.

However, you may get advice from the counselors to quit or to go to a different school. Be wary - they may be trying to get you off their roster. You are screwing up their stats. Don't quit just because an adult tells you it's easier. Only do so if it make sense.

The alternative is a GED. This is what I ended up doing. In my state, this is a series of 6 exams, and they aren't particularly difficult. You need to study for them, however, so don't think you are off the hook. Quite the opposite, this requires significant self-discipline to do, but quite achievable if you are dedicated. Most libraries offer free study programs for the GED, and of course all libraries have the study materials.

You will likely have to wait until you are 18 to take a GED exam, so weigh the time you have. Remember, high-school is free. The GED costs money.

Some employers take issue with the GED, so if you go that route, get enrolled in community college ASAP. Once you have a degree or vocational certificate from a college, high-school certification is meaningless. Even just being enrolled in a college implies to an employer that you finished high-school. If the GED ever comes up, explain it as "I had some difficulties in my teenage years, but now that I am an adult, I've got my life on-track."

To save money on college costs, here are a few pointers:

Study hard for the placement exams using free SAT study guides from the library.
If you place in any level below 100 (which is not worth college credit), study more and retake the test. Never pay for a high-school level class
Find a school that is open to CLEP and other equivalency testing for college credit. The fewer classes you pay for, the better.
For the love of God, stay away from for-profit colleges (University of Phoenix, etc.). Start with the local community college.
And please don't join the military just because you think that will fix you. That is a life-altering, potentially life-ending decision that should not be made from a place of desperation.

Good luck.

FinnianWhitefir · 2015-03-09T21:31:29+00:00

Hey, also, too, I want to speak to the emotional side of this.

This isn't entirely your fault. I've been exactly where you are, and there is a simple explanation: there is a fucking parent missing from this equation.

I'm sorry to say that you have to accept responsibility for your situation because, unfortunately, it's yours to own. But you are still a kid and someone should have been holding you accountable far before you spun this far out. You are in this situation because you haven't had a firm hand helping you; you are here because you have been left to your own devices.

So, I feel for you, brother. I know exactly how it feels.

What I can tell you is that all is not lost. Far from it! The trouble right now is that you have to be the master of your own fate sooner than society allows you to. This will pass. Soon you will be a full-fledged adult, with all the rights and responsibilities. At that time, you can fully command your life. Right now, the best you can do is plan for that day.

I won't tell you it gets easier. Life is hard. But I can tell you from my own experience that when you turn 18 and you aren't being hindered by other people's irresponsible behavior is a glorious, liberating time.

Don't give up hope. The system has failed you. The adults in your life have failed you. You just have to take matters into your own hands and find a way to make the system work in your favor.

Good luck to you kid. I mean it from the heart.

TRPLeftist · 2015-03-09T20:50:25+00:00

Finish your homework first thing when you get home or have free time. Find someone who is doing well in those classes and see if they want to study together. That should help. Don't miss class, its too important. Do any extra credit those classes give out, every class you miss is just going to get you further and further behind.

anothercarguy · 2015-03-09T21:59:04+00:00

Don't go to the military to learn discipline, its BS. Take time off, work. Get a shitty job. One that seriously fucking sucks and you will hate: think janitor at a drive in movie theater. Nothing but sticky condoms everywhere. You will hate that job. You will be bored, you will have time to think.

When you do think, read to improve yourself. Read books from the library about how to start a business, about tax law, sales etc. Try for a book every 3 weeks. Get used to reading a chapter or 3 before you go to sleep every night. Wake up every morning at 6 to work out. Tired? So what you will get used to it.

Before long you will have the habits that make someone successful. You will realize what you want to do or would like to do, that without work your life sucks. You will be motivated. You have been saving all of your money from that shitty job so you can afford Community College. You also realize what you would like to do and bust ass to get a job in that field, entry level basic but a step in the right direction. At CC you take courses for a degree but also what directly applies to what you want to do. 3 years from now you are at a decent - prestigious 4 yr school and are using scholarships to pay tuition because you have laid the ground work for success.

frequentlywrong · 2015-03-09T20:27:33+00:00

I miss school often

Why?

oystersalamode · 2015-03-09T23:22:11+00:00

There's no magic thing that you can do to get yourself into a habit. You just have to do it. Then, do it again. When you stop doing it out of habitual laziness, you have to re-start doing it. Ad nauseam.

Make a list of everything you want to do. Make a list of things you can do daily to help you achieve those things. Make a list of ways you can hold yourself accountable. Then, pick one thing. For two months, do everything you wrote down for that one goal. Figure out what works: if you keep failing over and over, re-design your procedure, but don't ditch your goal. Rinse, repeat, until you are on track to every goal on the list.

As for academics, go to community college. You essentially get a blank academic slate, it's easier to transfer to better colleges, and it's much cheaper than going straight in. Take a "study skills" course, or buy a book on study skills, or google study skills, and apply everything. As above, when you fail to apply it, re-apply. You should also get a book on critical thinking. It's the background knowledge of everything you do in college.

FightTillFailure · 2015-03-09T23:45:28+00:00

Hey man I just wanted to give you some input on the military. I joined for similar reasons as you and currently have a year left in active duty army. First off and I didn't know this then, but the military is a huge roll of the dice despite what they say, you are not guaranteed any job, any location, hell even pay gets screwed up often. The military, especially nowadays because of how soft its gotten will not instill discipline in you, there are plenty and I mean plenty of lazy service members running around. It's bad enough where it's contagious. You will waste countless hours dealing with stupidity and stupid people no matter where you end up. I will say though, if you play you're cards right and stand above others you can get ahead fast and have plenty of opportunities thrown at you. Service members waste their free time more than any other group of people I have met, so if you spend that time wisely it isn't hard to succeed. However, this requires discipline and that you have to find in yourself.

ifeelhome · 2015-03-10T00:52:51+00:00

Agree with others. It's about creating habits and building discipline.

You're young. And honestly "keeping your room straight" or reading a lot doesn't mean shit. But if you think about it like "I've got discipline to keep my room straight - how do I transfer that to other things I don't like" (unless you truly enjoy cleaning...).

And lastly - maybe traditional education system just isn't your thing. Maybe college isn't right for you - it's a flaw in the system to think everyone SHOULD go to college.

Also. Don't go into the military to become disciplined...

[deleted] · 2015-03-10T01:54:32+00:00

You have one year before people expect you to pull weight, and the training wheels come off.

You need to learn personal discipline.

Start with going to bed and getting up at the same time, every day.

As soon as you wake , immediately shower and dress.

Decide on 1-2 things to accomplish that day, and do them. The rest is extra.

Manage your time. Spend at least 1/3 the day improving yourself mentally. If you suck at reading, read. If your math is horrible, do free math online.

You only have one person to blame or congratulate: yourself.

If you are a complete wreck, consider a mind numbing 4 years in the military. You WILL get your shit together. Save all your money, come out and do college. Do not fucking re-enlist, no matter the bonus. You will emerge a man, with discipline.

Watch this and learn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EQWhQt9OQo

djstocks · 2015-03-10T02:09:58+00:00

Get a GED, Join the Army National Guard, but pick a job that you might like to do in the civilian sector and that has a long training process. You will get some discipline. but when your done instead of going to live on the base you can go home and use your GIBill.

alpha_n3rd · 2015-03-10T02:56:00+00:00

Drop out, get your GED, go to college, don't fuck it up because it costs money and actually matters.

TheGillos · 2015-03-10T04:43:16+00:00

I miss school often

That's your problem. I never did home work or studied. I just have a decent memory and attended every class.

albatri · 2015-03-09T19:48:10+00:00

What do you want your life to be?

Title	TRP, will you give me your advice? My life is out of control.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	22
Date	March 9, 2015 7:10 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2ygz9c/trp_will_you_give_me_your_advice_my_life_is_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/trp-will-you-give-me-your-advice-my-life-is-out-of.191697 https://theredarchive.com/post/191697

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