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throwawaynumber856
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[–]maintaining_frame 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ouch, damn! There is no greater threat to my frame than heavy drinking. Emotional control and rational thought are out the window. You fucked up, partner.
Next steps. Your actions will speak much louder than your words, so STFU. Groveling, apologies, oaths to not repeat such conduct will fall on deaf ears. Your actions should be measured against your MAP, not anyone else’s. Is your heavy drinking an ongoing problem? If so, get your ass out to an AA meeting with your fellow drunks. You will have to deal with the emotional damage done to your kids, but now is not the time, outside of perhaps giving them a hug.
Without knowing more of your history, it’s difficult to impart further counsel. STFU and take a good fucking hard look at your goals, give them maximum focus, and ACT. Hopefully, you’ve gotten your own attention.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No, the heavy drinking is not an ongoing problem. I’m a social drinker, and alcohol has not effected me like this in the past. Regardless of that though, I have decided to abstain from any alcohol consumption in order to take responsibility for my actions because it is something I have control over without any external factors, and it’s counterproductive to what I’m trying to accomplish in the gym anyway.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
The woods are lovely dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep.
Watching you, bud. Commented on your deleted puke.
i like what I've seen since.
Careful not to let this place substitute for your own sense of self-worth.... who gives a shit about what a few thousand internet cowboys preach?
I see drive in you, though.
Keep grinding... it'll change your life.
Here's an, "Attaboy" for manning up. FWIW.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember you. And I’m gonna be honest, that’s exactly what I’ve struggled with. Replacing my wife’s validation for MRP’s validation. But folks like you are here to rightfully kick my ass back into my place and bringing me down a peg or two. Or 5. And I’m truly thankful for that.
[–]mydogatemypassword 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Did she ever say why you couldn't ha e your own phone? Was she serious? Is she always that controlling? Or was she playing with you and you were drunk and Rambo came out?
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
No, she’s not controlling. She did not want me to have my phone because I was drunk. As far as why she didn’t want me to have my phone while I was drunk, I didn’t ask (edit)—> and she didn’t say.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
You should be planning for divorce. Any abusive woman has no place in Your life. She obviously doesn't respect you if she hit you. Sure she will hamster he was In My purse and all or just only remember her getting hit. Protect yourself in divorce and sober up and be a father to your kids.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
I have a rule that I’ve maintained for as long as we’ve been married, and that is if one of us hits the other, then the other has the right to retaliation in the exact same fashion. And that rule isn’t for me; it’s for her. She knows that if she hits me, I will hit her back. This is the first time she’s ever hit me, and hopefully it will be the last.
[–]rocknrollchuck 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You MUST establish this boundary immediately: "If you ever hit me again, we are done. Period. I will draw up divorce papers the next day. There will be no 'one more chance'. Do you understand?"
Just out of curiosity, why didn't she want you to have your phone?
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She said she didn’t want me to have it while I was drunk.
Edit: And I starting to think the ultimatum you laid out is better than my boundary rule. I will give it some serious thought.
[–]rocknrollchuck 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just fyi, it's not an ultimatum, it's a hard boundary. An ultimatum would be something like "You will never disrespect me again or I'll divorce you immediately." Don't do that, ultimatums are given from a position of weakness.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for pointing that out and for your input. I will consider it.
[–]ellifino7 points 6 years ago [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
You were right on the stopping drinking but wrong on this. If she hits you, it’s wrong. If you ever hit her back, you’re playing her games and 100% in her frame. You can let her know it’s unacceptable and remove yourself from her presence, but hitting her back is what toddlers do. You’re a man, and you own your frame. Her actions shouldn’t change your frame. Fail here.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I do want to clarify that my wife can be a little SJW sometimes, and she loves the word equality, so in my mind, this is the best way to show her that if she really truly thinks like that, it won’t be for long if she hits me. We are not equal in the ways she thinks we are, and this rule I have keeps her in check.
However, you have given me some pause, and I will ponder over what you have said and see if I can reach a different conclusion based on your thoughts.
[–]CucumberedSandwiches 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Fuck that. Do not hit her back. Why are you so worried about her hitting you? Why are you with someone who hits you?
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I am not worried about her hitting me. This is a boundary I set with consequences if it’s crossed. And she has never hit me before/until this incident.
I believe that if a woman hits a man, she should expect to be hit back, but I do not believe that a man has the right to hit his wife/another woman first. I’ve always believed this, and it was one of the first rules I laid down when I got married. My wife is perfectly happy with this rule, and she still is, even after this incident.
[–]hystericalbonding 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I believe that if a woman hits a man, she should expect to be hit back
What about a child? A cripple? What about someone who was provoked by things that you obviously have omitted from your OP?
I call people retards on here, usually to test their frame, but you might actually be retarded, and you have no frame. You're an impulsive imbecile. I'm sure you came from an abusive family, and there are all sorts of reasons for your behavior, but it doesn't really matter. In the end, you need to calm down, develop frame, own your shit, and get individual therapy.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What about them? I didn’t say anything about them. I’m talking about women, who are adults, not children and cripples or whoever else you were talking about.
[–]hystericalbonding -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for that, but I didn't need more proof to support my statements.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Glad I could provide you with that proof
[–]Persaeus 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Any chance she wouldn’t give you your toy because she wanted you in the bedroom instead; and then punched you because you weren’t man enough to fuck her?
It’s possible. I hadn’t thought about it from that angle yet.
[–]captainarnold 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s not easy to own up to such a colossal fuck up. Good on you for that. But what’s the next step? How do you learn from this and improve?
I have quit drinking any alcohol, for starters. I have sat down with my wife and we have talked through what happened. I will be addressing the fallout of my actions, the steps I took and am currently taking to fix the problem, and her reaction to the aftermath of all of this in a separate post.
[–]screechhater 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh, Hi ya drunk fucker....
Seriously drinking enough to not only hit back, but to let the kids see
Wow, you are one failing, drunk POS
Just so you know it's the attitude of self ultimatums, that "I will never touch a drop again," that sets one up for failure every time.
I was just curious, are you sure she isn't cheating on you and wanted you away from her bag and her phone ?
Yes, I was a failing, drunk, POS. That’s the point of this post.
No, she’s not protective of her phone. But if she is cheating, I’ve already made it clear to her from the beginning of our marriage that I would immediately file for a divorce and take the kids. So that’s a chance she’s taking, not me.
[–][deleted] [score hidden] 6 years ago stickied comment (3 children) | Copy Link
Dear diary......
Removed for having no value to the reader.
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
One of these days, I will post a post that doesn’t get removed, mods. Seems like I’m 0-2 at the moment.
I would like to say this though: this was not only intended to have value to the reader, this was for me. I knew it might get removed, but it was the right thing to do after last weekend, and I have no regrets posting this follow-up and owning my shit.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
this was not only intended to have value to the reader, this was for me
So write it in a diary.
If you're going to post to r/MRP, add value to the reader. That's the standard.
it was the right thing to do after last weekend,
here's a hint - no one care.
Ok
[–]FoxShitNasty83 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Congrats for owning your shit. Read sidebar, be a better man, get other shit in order and stfu. Follow the path
I am, and I will.
[–]470_2_700_nm 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
First step... put the booze down mother fucker.
Second step... don’t fucking hit your wife.
Third step... don’t fuckin scream at your wife in front of your kids.
If you can’t reasonably see how to do all three I suggest you get out of the relationship.
Otherwise you’ll end up in jail.
Happy fucking new year k?
Fucking ok 👌🏼
[–]bowhunter6 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Still trying to figure out why this bitch punched you for grabbing your phone out of her purse. You shouldn't have punched her back, but like Chris Rock says, "I understand."
I suppose since you were both drunk, her getting one more chance is somewhat reasonable. Though you should ask yourself: is someone who punched you worth being with, and do you believe the massive amount of effort you will be expending in future to improve yourself (maybe) worth expending with this fucktard directly benefitting? Doubtful on both.
I was the only one drinking.
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[–]maintaining_frame 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mydogatemypassword 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 2 points3 points4 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuck 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuck 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ellifino7 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] -1 points0 points1 point (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]CucumberedSandwiches 6 points7 points8 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding -2 points-1 points0 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Persaeus 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]captainarnold 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]screechhater 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FoxShitNasty83 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]470_2_700_nm 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bowhunter6 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaynumber856[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link