Household chores: is there a line in the sand?

marxistbacon · 2015-07-14T21:25:22+00:00

It's not the dishes themselves that's the issue. It's the underlying covert contract that kills ("look honey, how nice I am to do the dishes for you! Now can we get it on? was that enough of a display of worth for you?"). Do any given task if you want to but never for the wrong reasons.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-07-15T08:34:25+00:00

The problem is that you think of them as chores. Chores imply they are assigned to you by someone. The fact that there is even a line of who does what chores or what is undoable is operating from her frame.

Think of yourself as the captain of the boat. This is your boat. The captain works harder than anyone else. He is always working, always inspecting, always fine tuning everything. He delegates to his crew many tasks, but in the end, the responsibility is his alone. If there aren't enough hands on deck to pull that line, he helps out. Not to get the approval of his crew, but because pulling the line helps his vision.

A good captain that notices some crew member not doing their job removes the crew member from responsibility and assigns them to another. There might be disciplinary action, but the focus is not on teaching crew members how to be nice, but on getting shit done. If a crew member isn't pulling his own weight, well, he can be left at the next port.

There is no job that is beyond the captain. There is no job the captain does to get approval from his crew. There is no job that is not the responsibility of the captain. There is no one that works harder than the captain. This is where leadership comes from.

A good captain can lead efficiently by delegating to competent people. But even if there are no competent people, the captain still has to get the stuff done and lead.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-07-15T13:03:50+00:00

This is a comment I made several months ago:

BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 3 points 5 months ago

This is my situation, take what benefits, ignore the rest.

We are both professionals. I am a college professor who makes less than a High School teacher and she is a business lawyer with a cushy job that pays her $180,000.00 per year. I work about 30 hours a week. She works 45-50 hours a week.

When I unplugged I told her I would be taking over the laundry, dishes, the boys homework (the biggest job on the list) and making dinner (almost) every night. I told my wife that she was doing more than her share and the only thing she should worry about when she gets home from work is how she is going to make me cum that night.

Don't mistake this for "choreplay" or a Covert Contract. That was before. Now it is OVERT- and I did not take over all those chores because I thought it might make her want to have sex with me. (Hint: It doesn't work that way no matter how many popular media articles they shove at us). I took them over because my wife was doing more than her share and I determined that it was "fair" for me to step it up at home.

IanIronwood · 2015-07-15T00:45:10+00:00

Read it:

http://www.theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-housework-issue.html

thisisme0007 · 2015-07-14T22:26:20+00:00

So far I just imagine myself as captain of a ship with a first officer, a lieutenant junior grade, and an ensign.

If I see something that needs doing and I have nothing better to do for myself or the ship, I do it.

The other thread seemed to be about picking up after a messy wife. Recently when I got sick of the kitchen being strewn with dirty dishes I set aside 1 plate/bowl/knife/spoon/fork per crew member and stuck the rest in a bin in the garage. Things aren't as messy anymore.

Edit: there is one chore I have placed off limits - shopping for tampons/pads. Long ago from listening to Tom leykis I gave her a 1 time lifetime exception to this rule, and she has long since used it up. I keep plenty of rolls of paper towels in case she forgets to stock up. ..

[deleted] · 2015-07-15T11:40:56+00:00

I clean my house because I'm not a slob. If she's on the couch eating chips, I'll tell her I have no place for lazy...

But I think thats the key, she doesn't tell me what to do. I just do the things in my house to my standard. If she has a different standard, she's more than welcome to come behind me and do it again.

It's not about the chores, it's the mindset

bogeyd6 · 2015-07-15T02:27:23+00:00

Once the redpill kicks in full gear this won't be an issue. She will straighten up and do all the house chores often times anticipating what you might do next and do it before you can. My wife will become upset with me if I do a "woman's" work. Was never this way before and she only started this two months ago. Now she takes pride in her home and it is spotless.

I think the catalyst to this behavior was her seeing me spending time doing a mans work such as building furniture and working on the cars without being told to do it. Each night I come home and immediately start with everything that has to be done. Some nights its car work, house work, or building things. I enjoy it all now. Covert contracts are dropped and I find a certain joy in clean gutters and a well cut lawn. She even compliments my yard work and complains that others just don't seem to care. Therefore she is following my lead and doing the things that I haven't done or even those I direct her to do. There is a noticeable skip in her get along when I direct her in what to do. All of this happened with shutting the fuck up and just doing it.

At the end of the long swallow doing the dishes isn't even in the list of worries. Do I do the dishes? Yep when they need done.

AdanacRock · 2015-07-15T02:29:33+00:00

I am going to second a couple of the comments here. It is not about the what chores you do and what chores she does. It is what are the reasons you do the chores.. If you are doing the dishes because you think it will make her happy I promise you it won't she will point out the fact that you didn't clean the counters. Or if you are doing the dishes because she nagged you to do them then you are doing them for the wrong reason.

This was one of the biggest issues I had when I first swallowed the pill. I do a lot of things around the house that I initially thought as being "blue pill" cooking and cleaning wise. I do all of the cooking in my house and was worried that this was something that might prevent me from being a good alpha. I love cooking had I not been a competitive athlete in college I would have probably ended up in culinary school.

After a while I realized I was missing out on a perfect opportunity to show my dominance in the relationship. First thing I did was stop asking her what she wanted for dinner. I would cook what ever the fuck I wanted. I use this as an way to make things more adventurous in our life by finding and cooking new foreign dishes that we have never tried. I also made the decision one day to throw out all shitty junk food for both my wife and I and our baby. I told her she wasn't allowed crappy food in out house any more. I also decided we would not be giving our baby any of the sugar/preservative filled crap food. I make all her meals from scratch and know that she is eating the healthiest meals she can.

Do what you want to do around the house. Just make sure you own it and are doing it because you want to. If not delegate it to her.

mkopec · 2015-07-16T19:43:21+00:00

Yeah its not about the chores themselves but you doing them to get something from your wife. The kitchen is my domain in my house. I do all the shopping, meal planning and cooking/grilling, the wife does all the other shit around the house. It works out for us.

Title	Household chores: is there a line in the sand?
Author	legitworkaccount
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	July 14, 2015 8:55 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3dat4b/household_chores_is_there_a_line_in_the_sand/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/household-chores-is-there-a-line-in-the-sand.201459 https://theredarchive.com/post/201459

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