Is our wife's feeling of safety our responsibility?

rediscover03 · 2015-05-18T20:03:33+00:00

As a man yes you are responsible for the safety of your crew, first officer included.

alphabeta49 · 2015-05-18T21:45:44+00:00

Glad you started this thread.

This hearkens back to some basic RP theory.

Playing things safe aligns with being beta. Its comfortable, predicable, and secure. Also boring.
Being risky aligns with being alpha. Its insecure, on the edge, and exciting.

Do women really have a biological need for a man to keep them safe?

I believe so. We've talked on here a lot about married RP men having the need to balance alpha and beta traits. This is simply more of that theory. Ideally, I would like my wife to physically feel safe and/or to trust me to keep her safe at all times. I dislike dangerous practical jokes for that reason: for a split second, the victim feels actual fear. That's not the reputation I want to have as an strong leader. At the same time, burning rubber and spinning donuts can give her a thrill while trusting me to keep her safe.

Emotionally, a woman should feel like she's riding a wave, so in that sense her security should be played with but not outright abused. I mean, that's basically what dread is, right? Rocking her sense of security? But you're not actually cheating. You're keeping her just uncomfortable enough that she believes she's got a strong, independent, masculine man and she better put out to keep him around. Plus its a natural biological response to get wet for the stud. And we're all studs here, right? ;)

BluepillProfessor · 2015-05-19T02:04:38+00:00

As the man and the Captain you are ultimately responsible for the safety of the ship and crew. You cannot ultimately be responsible for her FEELINGS. However, you can be responsible for YOUR feelings. You can be the confident man with a plan and if she wants to fret and whine let her. She will adopt your frame eventually.

This is a subtle but important difference than actually being responsible for her feelings.

dandar4600 · 2015-05-18T19:50:00+00:00

It's like it's fine when you're dating to have a motorcycle. But it's not fine once married with kids cause that takes away resources from her, kids and potentially could get you killed.

So yes the feelings of safety are important beta trait to give to your wife. The key is to be able to do that while staying an interesting alpha. That is shit they don't teach you at school.

rediscover03 · 2015-05-18T20:11:28+00:00

The long answer is that a feeling of safety is very often highly subjective. It will often be based on the captain's judgment and what he deems safe for his ship and its crew/passengers. There are times when some of the crew/passengers are simply erratic or emotional or just don't get it. While not being responsible for the feelings themselves and not having a duty to fix them, the captain still overall holds responsibility for the safety of crew and the outcome of a given journey or experience. And this may involve sometimes being "sensitive" or maybe a better word "manipulative" , in order to protect his crew. For example, he will not share his fears or he will not share some imminent danger that he does not think crew should be aware of. You don't see an airline pilot freaking out over the intercom about some storm coming up. You hear a calm and in control authoritative figure. He - in that sense - is protective of the passengers' feelings and potential actions, which could hinder the overall quality and outcome of a flight.

rygar_the_red · 2015-05-18T22:14:33+00:00

I don't think the post you linked has anything to do with feelings of safety. That woman was simply pushing back because she was upset about the phone incident. In short, she was intentionally or unintentionally behaving like an asshole.

So far as safety goes, if we are talking about a wife, yes we are responsible for their actual safety.

Somebody has to be responsible for her safety. It ain't her.

"Feelings of safety," I think is where things start to get slippery.

To use the linked post as an example... well I already said what I think about that. Haven't checked out the comments yet but just from looking at the initial post I think the guy did exactly what I would have done.

(Edit: now that I have read the whole thing, it's just my luck that I pretty much only read up to the end of the windy road part, right before the situation goes downhill. I still don't think that woman felt unsafe.

My wife used to do that same crap almost whenever I drove, regardless of what I did behind the wheel. It's really a lot of bullshit to deal with when you know you aren't doing anything wrong and she won't quit about the driving.)

If something weird is happening, maybe with the finances or something with one of the kids and it's just some issue that I am going to solve that needn't involve her, I insulate her from that.

I guess it could be considered that I am making her feel more safe, though I actually just don't see any benefit in involving her nor listening to the bullshit.

Edit to make this even longer now that I have a few more minutes and find this to be a very interesting topic:

One way to think about this is that many of the things we strive toward are the same things that will actually keep her safe.

Physical strength, posture and attitude will deter many confrontations that would be considered unsafe, if you live someplace that's not unusually dangerous.

The above is the most likely real world way it's going to work, but having the ability to actually stop somebody from kidnapping or hurting her, or some reasonable chance at doing so, is an effect of lifting and being strong.

We should do that, and it should make a wife "feel safe" in that way. She might or she might not. That part is her problem.

For me, the important part is that I feel like she is safe.

We should be striving to have our finances in order that she has a safe home with enough food on the table, a reliable car or whatever transportation is normal where you are, heat or air conditioning as required wherever you are... and that's pretty much safety in a nutshell.

Again, this we should be doing because that's what a man does. Should make a normal person feel safe, but if the wife for some reason will not... meh.

I know my wife has what she needs to keep everybody warm and fed, and that's all I need to know about it.

In a world where we go to work and people have already built a bunch of houses we can pay to live in and stores full of food we can just buy and eat, there's really very little to feel unsafe about.

If anything, we have dumbed down the world so much, and so strongly assured our survival at the top of the food chain (for now at least), that we have to go out of our way to create roller coaster moments that make us feel like we're doing something risky or unsafe just to feel alive sometimes.

Sexing it up outside, driving aggressively, riding roller coasters or whatever.

I think if she "feels unsafe," either we are fucking something up royally and she actually is unsafe, or she has a "feeling unsafe" problem she needs to work on.

RedCML · 2015-05-19T20:01:52+00:00

You are responsible for the physical safety of your wife, your children, and probably any other women and children who are currently under your care (mother, sister, friends, etc).

Men have a great instinctive understanding of physically threatening situations. Trust your instinct. Train your wife and children to act, not think, when you are acting in the interest of their safety.

I had lunch with a woman friend at a local mall last weekend. Normally this is a very safe mall and we go there often. While dining I noticed some unusual behaviors around me and my gut instinct was to get the fuck out of there. She had planned to go shopping in two stores after lunch. I asked for the check before she finished eating, paid it in cash with exact change (I never pay for her, this is probably what clued her in), and called my driver to have him pick us up at the closest entrance. She finished eating quickly and walked directly to the car. She never said a thing about it, she simply acted.

I suppose I should mention my current job is in a "high risk" third world country. It's not like my concern didn't have precedent.

CaptainWasHere · 2015-05-18T21:48:11+00:00

Yes and No. As the Captain, you are indeed responsible for the officers and crew's safety. In terms of evolution, women seek safety, so it's in your best interest to be the man that provides it. On the other hand, you also need to create a dopamine rush sometimes through adventure and novelty that might be counter to creating safety. This is part of the hypergamy issues we talk about. She wants a man that makes her feel safe and still provides adventure.

No, you are not necessarily responsible for her "feeling" of safety, as you are not in control of any of her feelings. You can only provide what you believe to be the right balance of safety and adventure.

alpha_n3rd · 2015-05-19T15:05:41+00:00

Are we responsible for the safety of our families? Of course. Safety is EVERYBODY'S responsibility. I sure as fuck don't want my wife or kids to be injured.

Are we responsible for making our wives FEEL safe? Not necessarily.

I want my wife to feel safe most of the time. I don't need the aggravation that would come with her constantly feeling uncomfortable. This is part of the betaness that comes with LTRs.

If I can generate some tingles by doing taking a small calculated risk and doing something dramatic, like doing a burnout or blowing a donut or setting off fireworks, fuck yeah I'm going to! But I'm gonna blow my donut carefully. I don't really want to wreck a car or hurt somebody.

Everything in life is a calculated risk. You might get run over crossing the street. Are you going to become a recluse? No. You might hit a tree skiing. So what? Wear a helmet and enjoy the slopes. You might get eaten by a shark at the beach (or more likely drown). You gonna stay out of the water on a hot day? I'm here to live life, not hide from it. My woman can come along for the ride. Or not. Her choice.

Title	Is our wife's feeling of safety our responsibility?
Author	angels_fan
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	May 18, 2015 7:31 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36ehw9/is_our_wifes_feeling_of_safety_our_responsibility/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/is-our-wifes-feeling-of-safety-our-responsibility.201899 https://theredarchive.com/post/201899

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