So my marriage is having some issues. At the forefront now is our intimacy. Though it has been a sore subject off and on throughout our (nearly) 5 years of marriage it has now seemed to come directly between us lately.

My husband is a very very horny guy. I mean he has been since day one. We are 10 years apart and met when I was 20. I actually pursued him and I suppose I assumed our sex would be amazeballs from the start. It wasnt. BUT i didn't have the heart (or guts) to tell him until after we were hitched. This brought on alot of resentment from him and I honestly still believe that any resentment he has now (which he has said he does) stems from that time. Of course a few years together has taught us both generally what the other likes but sex is still not my favorite thing. It is still his favorite thing though, resentment or not.

So lately....well within the past couple of years our sex life is as follows.

We have sex 2 or 3 times a week with my husband still asking for more. He works at least 55hrs a week and I am a SAHM of 3. When he gets home (8 pm ish) he gives me a kiss and probably feels me up. He will say sometimes how much he needs to make love and i usually dont try to lead him on unfairly so I don't say alot. Rarely if I feel flirty then I flirt.

The night will go on with us watching tv or talking a little about our day and everytime i get up and I do mean everytime he will say lemme see your boobs or he will just grab my clothes and pull them down or up in what he sees as flirting. I mean he isn't overly aggressive but to me it's kinda annoying. And yes I flash him a couple times most days.

Anyway truth be told I am very very bored in that living room but if I mention going to bed he will want to have sex. This behavior has even stopped me from kissing him goodnight sometimes because if I show him any physical attention he just gets so horny. On one hand thats cool he has the hots for me so bad but then again I mean its too much.

When we make it to the room he will come close and rub my back or belly and then move on to the lady places. If I am at all uh moist he says oh you're wet so you MUST want sex. SAME way if my nipples get hard. And I am truly annoyed he thinks that way and I have talked to him before explaining that isnt always the case. So he sees those parts of me as ready to recieve him and acts accordingly. He treats me as if I should be so turned on by his mere presence or something yet he can't show much for it. Foreplay is not guaranteed but for me its not that enjoyable anymore. I have told him what I like and he has either forgotten or it takes too much effort or he doesn't care. I have told him HOW i like or dont like stuff....but he seems to do to my body what feels good to him. And secretively....when he goes down and gets me to O....i am more into when he hovers over me and I use his penis as a dildo to make myself O. Now he loves that part and I do too but really it has nothing to do with him :( bc I am giving myself pleasure. Anyway thats probably tmi.

Now Im not trying to put him down bc there have been times where he has done very well and we have a great time. But that doesn't happen often and part of that is I don't even want to go through everything we have to "do" to have an amazing O. It sounds so sad I know but I am not even attracted to him anymore. I mean physically he has put on weight but its more his general attitude and everything that puts me off.

And then the flipside is when he feels upset when I resist him he will act like a child and say "fine then ill never touch you again" and then proceed to do just that over the next few days in the hopes my passions will erupt and take over and that I will just lustfully jump his bones. I dont. I have been fun and gone beyond my comfort levels at times. I have been sweet and truly intimate. Its been awhile though. What happens is I feel like its never enough. He just wants wants wants sexually. He says one day ill be happy because he wont even want to touch me anymore.

Our marriage was not built on a solid foundation of love and trust when it began and I see that has caused alot of issues. I don't think I truly knew him and I don't think he knew me. For instance I like to be in control and have a plan of action. A routine. Things are mostly black and white for me. I don't take big changes very well and it makes me nervous to feel like I don't know what will happen next. My husband....on the other hand is not like me. He likes going with the flow. He is like so what its all gonna work out. He doesn't talk much about his emotions until he has too. He is a gray area person and loves to argue with me. I swear he just likes to upset me he will pick am argument when I make a statement about something in the news or whatever. Plus he is loud by nature so he really comes off as quite abrasive.

Last night sex was on his mind but it didnt happen. He went to bed while i finished up the dishes and laundry. When i lay down he was snoring so I ever so quietly adjusted myself and fell asleep. This morning he was obviously annoyed with my rejecting him. He went to bed naked and assumed i would just wake him to have sex. Haha. I then offered a quickie before work and he said he didn't want to. I was like ok cool. Later when I was in the restroom he peeked inside and said "by the way im waiting". He did not have that quickie.

Oh i meant to add this....early on in our first year of holy matrimony we separated. He has been married once before and she cheated on him and hurt him badly. At first he looked at me like I was her and would hurt him too. Well it drove me away and he basically won me back and swore to change and he did...mostly. But he had to change how he spoke to me and treated me. I was still kinda angry when I came home at that time and i gave him a pretty hard time. Ever since then he has said many many times he doesn't feel like a man in our home that im the man bc I call the shots. He feels stripped of his manhood. I tried to back off with the kids and let him do more there....well he is loud and abrasive and he would get upset when they were "bad" but his booming voice scared them alot. My oldest son even peed his pants once or twice. SO yea mommy was right there to stop that. He hasn't been so loud with them in a long time...im just giving details as to why things are the way they are now. He had a couple friends that he hung put with and I never had problems with that until he started to give me a time he'd be home and he would never stick to his word. He still does that only now its with work. Drives me nuts.

If someone reads this and sees exactly HOW i took my husbands manhood away please tell me. I have told him many times that I need him to be our leader. I need him to be confident. I crave a manly man. WHERE can I "give" him the control he thinks he needs? He does the finances. He pays the bills. I clean the house and take care of the kids. I mean where else can he feel more manly? Except the bedroom?

He routinely calls me a stick in the mud. But i like to be poised and ladylike and a strong woman. I know what I want. I say what I want. What more can I do? I refuse to kiss his ass for any reason. So him trying to win me around by acting like a 37 yr old baby makes me gag. I cant stand it. But we are MARRIED. So something has to change.

I need advice. Tell me where I am wrong. I don't want a divorce unless it's necessary. I know he loves me. I love him too. But my mind is eons from him now. I need a man who makes me feel safe and calm and that is confident in himself. I am glad my husband can be emotional but he is also petty and whiney. I have 3 kids. I don't need a fourth.

So advice no matter how hard it hits is welcome!