I been lurking for several months and just started to swallow the pill last month. Im 38 wife 34 married for 9 yrs but been together for 16yrs, 2 kids 7&5. I joined the gym early this month and work out 4-5 weekly. Im 5'6 150 and mostly toned. We became exclusive at young age and we smoked a lot of weed like everyday. I became addicted like in if i stop smoking weed i get the sweats and the shakes. I got bored with the party life and figured we should move to the next step and have kids and get married. I made a huge mistake in not explicitly stating a no weed lifestyle when we get married and start a family. I stopped smoking weed but she still smokes everyday all day. She is mostly functional addict in that she works and she performs basic chores and takes care of kids decently.
I grew up in the ghetto in a household where drug addiction was rampant. My dad was absent but both of my parents did hard drugs like heroin and crack. My mom had 4 kids and at minumum smoked weed everyday and had friends over to party atleast once a week. I vowed never to let my own kids grow up like this. Wife and I have had several serious conversations concerning this letting her know i have a severe addiction to weed. I have relapsed a few times even because shes always smoking around me. Im you classic Mr. Nice Guy(I read this book once and am rereading it slowly because so much of it applies to me). Fast forward to now and i feel like im living my childhood again. My wife comes from a 2 parent dysfunctional household in that father was alcoholic and abusive to her brothers and her mom. Her parents communication style is basically screaming and cursing at each other but they are still together after more then 40yrs.
I let my wife move in like 5 of her cousins including kids into our home and they all smoke weed too. I knew they smoked weed before they moved in but i figured im a nice guy i will help them. My wife loves weed and has stated to me she will never stop smoking. She says that i am hurting her dreams because she wants to grow and make oils. After always being opposed to growing weed in our home I made covert contract with her to let her grow even though this was against my dreams and my addiction.
I now realize I essentially stated to her with this contract "What can I do to make you happy?" Well she promptly ripped up that contract and starts treating me worse then before as in publicly cursing me out, spending almonst no time with me or the kids and smoking weed in our bedroom. I asked her to stop smoking in the bedroom and she basically tells me im going to finish smoking my blunt and then ill stop. I get angry and told her i want all of her plants gone. i wait about 1.5 weeks and during this time frame shes acting nice and even giving me money towards utility bills since her family has increased our bills. After 1.5 weeks i tell her i noticed the plants are still here and i will destroy them if she has not taken them from the home by the next day. I get home from work the next day and the plants are still there. I didnt say anything to her but i start throwing the plants outside.
Now she is pissed. no sex in last 2 months and almost no communication other then kids and household chores. Add to that i think she may be cheating but i have no proof other than being extra shady with her phone. And she did come in at 530am one morning when we agreed in marriage that we be in by 3am.
Im torn about what to do because Im angry at myself and her because i let her treat me this way throughout the entire relationship. Angry that my spouse does not support me in sobriety from addiction. Angry that i was not able live my dream of a drug free household. Dont know if i should stay or go. I recently consulted with a lawyer who basically told me there is nothing i can do basically since marijuana is practically legal and impossible to overdose on. Lawyer states i could go for primary custody but it would be hard to prove my case. lawyer says i would probably be paying child support atleast since i earn 80k and she 40k. My wife does not know i consulted a lawyer but is asking for a mediator(unbiased relative or a counselor) just to air out our grievances but i have not made a decision on that yet.