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technically, I'm still married. beta newb puke.

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May 11, 2018
11 upvotes

Where I'm at: 36 yo, 5'11”, 150 lb. INTJ. 12 year LTR, married for 7 years, 2 kids (8 and 3).

TRP and MRP newb. Currently reading RM, Marcus Aurelius Meditations. MMSL and NMMNG in my cart. First post. Backstory, victim puke, emergency911. It's a mess.

I'm BB. Wife cheated last year (with motorcycle driving ex-con). Told me about it (I had been oblivious) when she was ready to skate. I had thought we were mostly good, she had been a bit extra-distant for a year but I was assuming she was working through her inner turmoil shit. She was the one who was always ga-ga over me, I assumed it would stay that way. But if you're a pussy long enough, it doesn't. That was July/August of last year. It shook my world and re-aligned my head some. After playing the pussy for a couple of days, I bucked back and tried to kick her out. That went weird quick – she unhappily broke off the affair and agreed to work on us. But you can't negotiate desire. Three weeks ago or so I asked her just what the fuck our non-relationship WAS. WTF she was planning on doing about it. Weak, I know, now. Give me time. That was a week before I had ever even opened TRP. We “separated.” To keep things copacetic in the meantime for the kids, we are somewhat sharing the house. She hasn't uttered the word divorce. Not sure if she's trying to get me to kill the puppy. She didn't take back up with her buddy (beats the hell out of me why the fuck not). She sleeps in a (female) friend's bed 5-6 days a week. If she's home I sleep in the basement. We're friendly. She was the SAHM so now she's got a temp min wage 4 day a week gig and juggling kids and getting the older child to and from school is a major negotiation.

Sex. Ours wasn't the “good sex for a year and then it dries up” variety. But also not good. She wanted sex at least daily. But she also wanted me to lead and add spice and variety and I was FAR too beta to DO it, let alone parse the message. Some of this came out in our half-hearted re-start. She wanted daily sex, but would starfish and I didn't know how to lead (because I was listening to her words, not her actions) so I would get bored and jerk off to more interesting stuff. I was too dumb to know all I had to do was bring it on. So she thought she was way more horny than me. I came up with two boundaries (pre-TRP awareness of ANY kind) 1) if she was going to approach a sexual or romantic relationship with anyone else, to NOT sleep home anymore and 2) if she was going to be taking strange, that we wouldn't fuck anymore – my rationale was that we ARE still married, and I'm NOT agreeing to an open relationship. She came home less and stopped initiating sex – and I sure as shit wasn't going to. SHE was the one who told ME that I should look into TRP. SHE has repeatedly told me to feel free to date, at the very least to go get fucked. Which I haven't.

So, here I am. Aware I'm not the man I ought to be. In a strange fairyland limbo of a mostly dead LTR. I did, at the outset, get momentarily to a place where I truly DNGAF, but it was fleeting and basically from me trying to find a LITTLE backbone. I am a decent father, I love my boys and my boys love me. If I fight, I am pretty sure I will lose custody. I am a small biz owner. I stay afloat, but I have some massive debts as well. We were poor together, her parents basement, section 8 housing. Now we own a house, have decent cars. No savings, no cash, as I've dumped everything back into the business. So breaking up is gonna fucking hurt in a practical as fuck way. I have 4 full time employees (over-staffed a bit, but that's saving my ass now that I'm doing baby care 1/3 of my previous working hours). She can completely fuck me more than she already has if she'd like.

I have worked to improve myself, for myself, in the last 9 months. One tenant of RP that I accidentally adopted. Been doing Rip's SS method. Still a total novice, but I've gained 20 pounds, sq 170, dl 210, press 70 (ha!), bench 125. I'm a skinny MF, but it's a start. Got contacts. Attempt to see the barber a little regularly. Cut back on sports watching. Cut way back on beer. Trying to learn how to dress a bit smarter. Joined a fraternal lodge. Patting myself on my back, but I have a LONG way to go. I have about ZERO social life, and cutting out drinking isn't helping. My business is doing OK but it should be fucking killing it, and my inability to be my own best salesman is holding me back. I'm still a total stick. I never had game, and after this LTR started, I thought I never would. I was wrong and wrong. I am already aware that I CAN change myself, personality included to a degree. There's a fucking mountain ahead of me. I'm not certain if given the option I would tell my wife “no” if she wanted to start over, but I am aware that without the proper plan to do so, that's a total disaster. She was a wonderful wife and mother until she wasn't.

My 3yo broke my nice wireless speaker by spraying it with the garden hose last week. NO, I left it on the patio where he COULD. My bad. Same with my relationship. It's about as far off course as it could be. But I let go of the wheel and let it drift there. She did same as my child. What was natural to do in the situation. My bad. My hope is I can learn from both.

I'm cashing in my victim puke card up front. There enough shit here to qualify I'm sure. This was intended more to be an emergency post tho – not divorced, sure. But cheated on. Separated at her request. I'm a doormat. But I'm here. Any specific advice, links, etc appreciated. I'm not sure how to get to truly NGAF if the relationship survives or not. And I think without that, i'll continue to be powerless. Books, posts that may be of particular relevance appreciated. Telling me where my heads inserted up my own ass probably also necessary. I don't need treated with kids gloves, but I'm also here and puking because I'm sure I couldn't handle the concrete dildo of truth of what I need to eventually wrap my head around.


Post Information
Title technically, I'm still married. beta newb puke.
Author FlayedStarion
Upvotes 11
Comments 22
Date 11 May 2018 09:14 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204511
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8irais/technically_im_still_married_beta_newb_puke/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betacheatingopen relationshiplong term relationshipgamethe red pillMMSLNMMNG
Comments

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

well you just took all the wind out of the sails of anybody who was going to give you shit, didn't ya kid. nicely done.

you obviously know what to do. you're reading good books and you're working on every area of your life and taking responsibility and shirking excuses.

keep that up and you'll be fine

[–]crimson_chris14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

She fucked an ex-con with a motorcycle. She wanted sex more than you. She told you to read up on TRP. She told you to get some strange. She is sleeping somewhere else and probably getting some strange cock as you write this post. You my friend are deep in her frame and basically a cuck.

Don't dig through the trash. She is overtly telling you that she has NO fucking respect for you. Burn this shit down a start over. She is practically asking you to. I rarely ever recommend divorce be you have created a monster that needs to be put down.

There is probably no fixing this relationship - and fuck, why would you want to? Yes, you did create this, but when investment is sooo far under water - sometimes you have to just let it go.

EDIT: And why the fuck do you sleep.in the basement like a beaten dog when she sleeps over at your house? That's all I have to know to see how pussy whipped you are. At least claim your fucking bed. The first step to reclaiming your balls.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Concrete dildo?

Really?

Do I get to pick the insertion point?

Look, you have/are REALLY FUCKED UP.

None of that matters anymore because it’s in the past and you can’t change it. All you can do now is mitigate the circumstances, change the course of your life and become a fucking man. A man that fucks.

Your new mantra is that you want to become a man that other men want to be, and other women want to fuck. (You will see this again in your reading)

Sounds like you went to the sidebar, cherry picked some shit you thought would help, and dove right in.

Okay.

But let’s go back a minute. You are building a new you. You are reprogramming your mind from 36 years of brainwashing. Imagine taking a windows operating system and converting it to iOS. Yeah, it’s that fucking hard. And you have to use it all along the way because it’s all you have and you still have to function.

Foundations.

Read this first. It introduces concepts and paves the way for everything else to be part of your

https://illimitablemen.com/understanding-the-red-pill/red-pill-constitution/

I recommend reading it twice in two different sittings.

Next, go to the BEGINNING of the sidebar. Don’t skip anything.

Everything I’m about to say is on the sidebar in some form or other.

Your wife is fucked. Literally and figuratively.

Your marriage is over.

AND YOU CANT FIX IT.

The ONLY thing you can fix is YOU.

Divorce is not the end of your relationship with your kids. You handle that shit right, and it may be the best thing you can do for them. I speak from experience.

If you are rawdogging that shit, remember you are swimming in the bikers juices and every other piece of strange she’s had since you got married, including whatever she’s getting at a ‘friends’ house, 5 nights a week.

Yes, you turned into a weak, beta, sniveling, whining, pussy full of shit. But she broke her vows, poisoned the well, and destroyed the marriage.

When she comes ‘home’, YOU stay in YOUR FUCKING BED. You know, the one you never left, never abandoned, and you pay for.

You are on a ONE YEAR program.

NOT to get your wife back.

NOT to save your marriage.

It is a program to turn you into a FUCKING MAN and get you ready to fuck women that want to fuck you, without fucking you over.

All of the shit you will learn will be applied through dread and during your year of transformation, you will be seeing attorneys, finding out your options, and getting ready for the inevitable divorce.

Along the dread levels she will probably get ‘in line’, and you will be tempted to stop, forget that she is a lying, deceitful cunt, and try to ‘reconcile.’

There will be tearful apologies, hysterical bonding, promises made. And when that shit fades over months, you will still be left with the trust issues. Let me tell you, once the loyalty card has been pulled and there are trust issues, Red Pill you will have to go Purple in order to accept that shit.

I speak from personal experience. I am Red Pill. And I am divorcing her lying, cheating ass. And because of dread and the Red Pill I refuse to cough up, she is fucking me all the way out the door.

I’m not changing my mind. I’m just enjoying the sex. But I digress.

You CAN do this.

Forget about her. She no longer matters. She is just a living practice dummy for you. And lest you feel guilty, you are worth no more to her than a beta bucks ATM, someone who doesn’t deserve loyalty, devotion, honesty, or fidelity. You are so worthless to her you weren’t even worth divorcing while she was(is) whoring around. Never forget that. I speak from personal experience.

I could go on and on and on, and sometimes do, but I hope you have enough to REALLY start anew.

One last thought.

If you stay with this lying cheating whore, YOU DESERVE EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

NOW....no more posts about her, ever.

If you have a legitimate fucking question about something you have actually read, askMRP. (see what I did there?)

You have a year, and about an hour of day of work to do on the sidebar.

Get a notebook. Take notes while you read. This is NOT college level work...

THIS IS LIFE CHANGING SHIT.

So SHUT THE FUCK UP,

And get to work.

[–]johneyapocalypse4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

  • Where I'm at: 36 yo, 5'11”, 150 lb. Pathetic.
  • I'm BB. Pathetic x 2.
  • Wife cheated last year. Pathetic x 3.
  • ... With motorcycle driving ex-con. Pathetic x infinity.
  • Not divorced... cheated on. Separated at her request. I'm a doormat. Pathetic x vocabulary not big enough.

You have reached the end.

You lose.

You get to start over now.

p.s. Sidebar douchebag. --->

p.p.s. For nine months, you've been doing this for her. Stop that.

[–]thatboyjeff1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

... With motorcycle driving ex-con.

Pathetic x infinity.

I dont know why this made me laugh so much.

[–]turbospeedsc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i think it's easier to use pathetic X 10³³³³³³³³³³ in this case.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Separated"?!? She wants you to kill the puppy so she doesn't have to.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look up Iron Rule of Tomassi #7.

Memorize it.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is shit deal man. You’re on the right road. Don’t try to fix her, fix you.

When your strong enough you’ll know it’s time to next.

Get some legal advice and build up some reserves and a Plan for your exit.

In a short while your frame and emotions will change. Lift, read the side bar, keep talking to the guys here.

Sooner than you think you will realise that you are the prize...

If you do the work.

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lots of talking about her and your history and her feelings.

What do YOU want? JUST YOU. You get to write your future. What's your story? THEN DO IT.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Small bit of advice. For later, keep it in your back pocket:

Fuck selfishly. Disregard whether she orgasms or not and she’ll love it more. Just take your time maximizing your pleasure and you’ll find stamina and a ferocity she’ll fantasize about when you’re gone.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

its as easy as this:

Are you going to remain with a woman who cheated, openly wants you to find strange, considers you omega, and is otherwise completely checked out of the relationship?

Get some self respect.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she doesn't have a good job, encourage her to get one as soon as possible. Preferably one that makes more than you. Also dial down your income if you can. Start separating finances now and put away about 10 to 20 K in a separate account. Get the kids phones with your social media contacts and make sure they know that you love them. Don't let the police into your house for any reason and if CPS comes over don't sign anything.

[–]FossilGuy160 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get to work. Don’t worry about your shitty LTR at the moment, go to work on yourself. Once you get your shit straight, you will know the right path.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I assumed it would stay that way. But if you're a pussy long enough, it doesn't.

I think that is the Red Pill. Welcome to the real world brother.

She didn't take back up with her buddy

I would check to see if her buddy is in a relationship. This could mean she really does want to "work" on the marriage. Or it could mean her buddy doesn't want her any more.

I will probably catch holy Hell for saying this but I sympathize with your wife. She is a horndog who wants it "every day" and is with a self professed Beta who never even learned to fuck her hard, much less throw her around like she desperately wanted. After years of a woman denying a man's needs I frankly don't blame him for "cheating." If you deny a woman's needs for so long I guess I can't blame her either.

I for one have faith that you can "fix this" but it is going to be harder than starting over, even with kids.

First up I would get a trainer or something because your stats are pathetic and they are directly related to your wife's loss of attraction.

Second I would talk to a nutritionist or something because your body weight is awful.

I am not recommending it but have you considered juicing, and I don't mean smoothies. You need some muscle mass or you are going to get blown away in a strong wind one day.



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