707,481 posts

Why we do this for ourselves....

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April 20, 2018
9 upvotes

There have been a bunch of posters recently asking will MRP work on my wife or how can I fix my marriage so I wanted to post this as it took me a long time to get past this when I started and maybe I can help some of them.

I had read the Reconstruction series on Rational Male when I first found MRP and to be completely honest I couldn't internalize some of things he said because I had a huge covert contract that despite thinking I was doing this for myself that I was really still doing it to fix my marriage.

There is a section that keeps coming to mind when I see these new posts about fixing your marriage and why its important to wipe out this covert contract:

"Hypergamy doesn’t care when a woman’s lasting impression of a man is his Beta status. How a man’s Red Pill awareness and the changes it brings in him will be accepted depends largely on his predominant condition. What husbands want is a sea change in their wives’ impression of them once they adopt a Red Pill / Game aware way of life. Most husbands have to weigh their emotional and personal investments in their wives with the reality that their wives’ impressions of them may simply never change. Becoming Red Pill aware forces husbands into a position of having to judge whether their marriages are even worth the considerable effort of trying to improve."

My wife has no idea how differently I interpret the world now, how I view myself, how I see her and she never will. But at the same time I must recognize the same is true for her - I very well may always be her supplicating beta bitch.

If I was still doing this for her I would be stuck still hamstering why she isn't coming around and seeing the changes in me and how much work I have put in. It would erode my frame, affect all of my decisions, make me DEER, change my MAP and stifle progress.

That is why we do this for ourselves - for the clarity of knowing who YOU are, what YOU want and how YOU get there.


Post Information
Title Why we do this for ourselves....
Author hack3ge
Upvotes 9
Comments 24
Date 20 April 2018 09:00 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204597
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8dqz2j/why_we_do_this_for_ourselves/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPDEERbetaframehamsterhypergamygamethe red pillcovert contract
Comments

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ll know you are getting closer to internalizing all this shit and becoming self actualized with it, when you can write a post about YOU that does not mention HER or your marriage.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Is this for the reader's benefit or for you? It feels like you are trying to talk yourself out of some doubts you've been having by parroting back what you think you are supposed to think.

From what I can tell you've been at this for a very short amount of time. Your last post 3 weeks ago (later deleted) was a bit of a dumpster fire.

Not trying to shit in your cornflakes, but I'm guessing I'm right here.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Maybe so, but he still has a point

[–]crimson_chris2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Meh. I call bullshit. Changes = behaviors, not thoughts.

If you truely turn it around from Red to Blue she will be on board and submit or the marriage will eventually blow up.

We tell guys here to STFU, but I overtly set communication boundaries with my wife about 6months into MRP (she basically referred to me as her third child). But, that was preceded by 6months of behavior changes. I overtly let her know that shit was changing (again, paired with actiin). If you are truly RP, how the fuck can you stay with a woman treating you like a beta bucks? I don't see how that works. Maybe you have not changed as much as you think.

Do shit. Set your boundaries. The rope will tighten or one of you will cut it.

MRP is not about validation. It's about you making changes. Either she will notice or another woman will. Or maybe.....you are still a bitch.

[–]Captain_Obvious20172 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Actions without thoughts (belief) = faking it; actions + thoughts (belief) = making it; thoughts but no actions = you are still a bitch.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Aka dread 0. So many people need dread 1.

[–]hack3ge[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Open to feedback - why dread 0?

I am open to the idea that I am missing something. Everything above in my post is legit - my biggest weakness is game and perhaps that’s why I am getting no results.

She sleeps on the couch, has issues with any kino so I have been working mostly on verbal game. She said she wanted a divorce twice but has not filed. Like I said I’m pretty sure she was so far checked out she wasn’t coming back when I found MRP. BPP said my relationship didn’t look like it was something that was salvageable.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Even with basic respect she would still lay next to you in bed with her legs crossed and back to you to avoid sex. It sounds like you are more bitter room-mates.

"Becoming Red Pill aware forces husbands into a position of having to judge whether their marriages are even worth the considerable effort of trying to improve." Not sure where this came from, but it's easy to interpret as improving for her sake and not your own. Once you get your act together and give her to time to decide to follow you or not, then you need to assess if she is still bringing value to your life.

She may have decided she doesn't want you still, but is to chicken to pull the trigger herself. One boundary you need to set is the "D" word. Don't say it unless you are going to do it- find other ways to discuss/argue things. If you are still falling for the "D" word power play, then are not yet at a point where it really doesn't matter if she stays or goes.

[–]hack3ge[S] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

She can’t even say the D word - the only thing she told me was she wanted me to help her unwind our life together. She’s never said divorce and won’t even when provoked.

Not sure if that is her being to scared to pull the trigger or not actually wanting it and looking for me to take action.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Not sure if that is her being to scared to pull the trigger or not actually wanting it and looking for me to take action.

Women speak covertly. She told you she wants a divorce. If you don’t kill the puppy, she will make your life more miserable until you do. She told you she’s done and it’s not repairable.

[–]hack3ge[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There are men here who have been on the brink of divorce and it turned around - what makes this different? Granted I think you are right.

[–]DanG30 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Well ... I can’t imagine any man who is the Man you say you have come to “know” putting up (action) with her shit. Likely, that is her litmus test as well. So far, she only/still “knows” you by your talk (dance). To get results (with her or another) you need to “BE the change.”

[–]hack3ge[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

100% - you guys were right I need action not thought and talk. Thanks for calling me on my bullshit.

First time in months I escalated on her - light kino on arm, rubbing her leg under the table, playing with her hair and putting my arm around her on the couch, teasing her and some negging, etc. I’ll be damned if her words said no you are annoying me but she never got up and walked away until the very end and then she seemed to have had enough.

And you are right, to be honest I won’t put up with her shit and just ignore it. I’m going to actually take action and AA/AM. I’ve done a lot of improving myself but been slacking in the fun/sexual department because I was scared she would leave me but fuck I might as well practice if it’s gonna get blown to hell anyways.

You were right Dan in your last PM to me Acta Non Verba.

[–]DanG31 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

“her words said no you are annoying me but she never got up and walked away until the very end.”

 

Really? So hard to imagine! She’s been a bitch for ????. Then she threw you a few chicken bones (as a test of how desperate and mailable you are), which you happily gobbled up - from the penultimate bitch. Who’s Gaming who?

[–]hack3ge[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She’s not gaming me - I wanted sex so I tried to initiate and got a no. No butthurt just continued doing what I was doing.

[–]DanG30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She most certainly is gaming you - testing to see how much rudeness, disrespect and infidelity you will put up with yet still find her attractive enough to sniff around her bratty pussy. It’s only a pussy, for God’s sake!

[–]DanG30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s thinking: ‘Why the fuck would ANYONE be so desperate as to want sex from someone who acts like me?! This guy is pathetic!’

[–]hack3ge[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She also did shit test me during the kino and I think I did okay with them. One about pulling her and me saying something like of course you don’t like it just like none of the little girls on the playground liked it when we were kids some things never change.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The day I realized I had accepted all Red Pill had to offer is the day I realized hypergamy, solipsism, AF/BB, IOIs, LMNOP, all of it...

was bullshit. Yeah yeah yeah I get it. But I also don't care. I am moving that way. She can follow or not. Doesn't change a thing.

Laugh at her Make fun of myself It's all bullshit in the end.

[–]hack3ge[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck I can literally see how fucking unplugged you are just from that one post. That gives me some serious shit to think about.

Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets? Morpheus: No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The key and first question in any Coaching Conversation is: What do you want? This is always the first step in any process of change, figuring out what you want and then designing the steps to get you there.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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