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Kill Your Ego

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April 12, 2018
7 upvotes

I'm going to give a short upper level class on killing your ego. It's going to involve thought experiments and theory, so if it gets too deep too quick, you may at least be able to take away a structural foundation on how to approach killing your ego. So take what you can and come back for the rest later. And of course as a practical approach to killing the ego, fake it til you make it.

 

If you want to bore yourself to death learning about the ego, read/listen to Eckhart Tolle. He has some good points though. He compares the ego to the state of an unconscious (reactive) mind which is seeking to defend itself from pain. The ego exists in the mind, in thought. The ego also, however, needs to recieve pain in order to exist. It's addicted to it. It craves it. It craves it so much that it sometimes even creates it. So how to deal with a monster that can self sustain?

 

Tolle mentions 2 ways to deal with the ego:

  1. Be the watcher. The watcher is aware of the ego and it's need for pain. But like a student studying a subject but not actively manipulating it in real life, the watcher merely observes the relationship between the catalyst, the pain, and the ego. It's as if pain is a car speeding toward the body. The watcher merely disassociates itself from the body and watches the car smash into it. The watcher feels the pain, the reactive need, the damage it causes to the ego's link to the construct of you in the mind. But it does nothing, it simply watches and learns.

In this way the watcher deflects the pain by accepting that the pain happens, but by studying it, it's as if the pain is not happening to him, but to someone else. This isn't entirely ideal because the pain is still there. The ego is still there. You have just shut yourself off from it.

 

  1. Consciousness. Consciousness is a little harder to explain but Tolle puts it in terms of Buddhist enlightenment. Consciousness eliminates the pain by being aware of its effects but not letting them impact them because the mind is no longer the hub from which the person operates. The person operates from a zen-like awareness of life and all the causes and effects in it. It's effectively like the watcher who has learned about the pain, and can now smile and watch as the interconnected causes and effects of the pain happen in real life.

I relate it strongly to the idea of amused mastery...you know why things are happening, you know that you usually unconsciously act because of those things, but instead you smile and flow with the events that are going on, instead of fighting them. This is almost like realizing the car is flying at you, and you allowing it to knowing what will happen if it hits you, and totally accepting that. Thing is, because you allow it, you are no longer operating from the physical bounds of your body and the car (pain), like a ghost, flies through you.

 

So you see, your need to crush your ego is, in itself, ego. Instead, accept your ego and it's need for pain. And by achieving consciousness of your ego and accepting it, you kill it. In effect: "This doesn't affect me, because I know it affects me and accept that."


Post Information
Title Kill Your Ego
Author JoATMoN9
Upvotes 7
Comments 27
Date 12 April 2018 11:28 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204631
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8bpf33/kill_your_ego/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
ghostingamused mastery
Comments

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (15 children) | Copy

I am sure /u/rian_stone has the writing skills to say what I want, but I am tired of seeing "Kill your ego" posted around here.

I love my fucking ego. I earned that motherfucker, and it is mine. It helps me grow, learn and keeps me moving forward.

Noobs need to be able to have "self introspection" and many times the EGO of these fake men, get in the way.

They are not real egos. They are fake ones.

Have an ego. Own it, you deserve it. Just dont let it get in the way of your brain, so that when/if you fuck up you are not so up in your own EGO you cant see it.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's hard to explain with any accuracy. I've tried it with my plea for irrational confidence, and my post on authenticity.

Narcissism (what I consider ego) is a great tool. People gain confidence and comfort from your confidence. you never have to worry about talking yourself out punching above your weight. Everyone loves an asshole, just so long as they think you're 'their' asshole

You just have to compartmentalize it. Be able to turn it off, treat it playfully, aloof. I act a damned fool, and when someone attacks my ego expecting me to get buttmad (like they would) I can usually laugh.

My ego works for me, I don't work for him.

Like you said. you put it aside once you have to deal with consequences, or learn from experience. Of course, I still keep it front and center. No reason for other people to know I'm taking their critique seriously.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Everyone loves an asshole, just so long as they think you're 'their' asshole

This could be the title for an entire post...

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know why you and triadis3 aren't writing this shit. You two are on a whole other level with this shit. I'm mid-tier, at best

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Kill your ego has been a long-standing goal of the noob swallowing the pill. Classically, the ego is there to manipulate (put its spin on) reality to suit the rigid ideas of the id. Only when it's out of the way can the raw reality of life smash against noobs' idiotic frames and demolish them.

The ego you speak of is your confidence in yourself of your success. It's called ego because OTHERS view this confidence AS your ego, because that's what THEIR ego needs to tell themselves (to protect them from the fact that you have your shit together and they dont). So in that sense, we agree...have a big gigantic ego (as described by others). Revel in your confidence that you don't need to tell yourself you're awesome...you are.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

So has not being a redpill Rambo.

Know what? I was. Then again, I was also willing to burn it all to the ground.

the reason those goals exist is because guys are too risk averse to do it any other way.

It's not a good thing that those tools exist, they illustrate the failures of man

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not arguing the goodness of any tool. Let's not forget MRP exists in and of itself in large part due to the failure of man.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It seems noteworthy. A lot of the tools are stop gap measures, or useful as a stepping stone for guys who are afraid of wives.

A lot of people get in a huff because everything isn't 100% alpha roadmap. They forget that triage isn't as effective as surgery, but it's what you work with in situ

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True. They're pieces to a puzzle but the pieces really don't fit together. Sometimes you need some glue and sometimes brute force.

My daughters are young. Sometimes I'll teach them a lesson about science, life, or people that's way over their heads. I don't expect them to get it or take it as concrete truth. But I would imagine it builds some kind of vague foundation in their heads and when they encounter that topic later, the groundwork is somewhat there and they can more quickly build on it. Thus is the drive behind this post.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I hear what you are saying, but all the blue pill/beta guys I have met, and am friends with - do not have an EGO by my standards.

They lack what I call "self introspection." The ability to look at one self and realize what is good, bad and adjust/improve as needed. I personally do not see this as ego.

I am somewhat with you that confidence <-> ego but I still dont quite fell that way.

Alot of my confidence comes from business success and personal things I do.

My ego comes from knowing that I do not need anyone, or anything to push me to do what I want to do with my life.

My confidence is the aircraft carrier in the gulf, ready to launch F22's or Tomahawk Missiles, safely from a distance. It would take ALOT to hurt my confidence.

My ego, is what gets me thru the day to day bullshit of life when needed. It is the grunts on the front line. It protects my confidence, as ego (in my case) is easy to come up/down/left/right.

Probably a bad analogy, but again, I failed English class, so whatevs.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

When you developed your current ego/confidence/frame, did you reach a point where it maintains itself with little to no upkeep needed other than clear-minded introspection? This is a bit tough to articulate so follow me here. I’m at a place where I have that introspection, but at the same time I also have those barriers of self-delusion that still need to be broken down. And that’s fine, I’m doing the right things to make that happen – every action and small epiphany clears some fog from my sense of self. But I’m still re-developing my sense of self around what I now see as reality. Based on what you said, is it safe to say that you allow yourself room for improvement and introspection, but otherwise your ego and frame just exist? You don’t really think about it or struggle with it, and nor will you again? Or does your ego still need rewards and validation on occasion in order to maintain itself? Is there anything that can sink the aircraft carrier or is that staying afloat forever now?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Let me try to define and set my nomenclature frist:

Confidence = how I feel about myself and things I am capable of doing, producing or achieving based off of previous success MINUS previous failures. This gives me my net confidence level. IE more success than failure.

Ego = the image I project onto other people which is a combination of both confidence (real) and narcissism (real/fake.)

Self introspection = the ability for me to detach my mental state from both my confidence and my ego so I can objectively look at myself, ensure I am doing things how my gut says I should be doing them.

Gut = my moral compass and self-built guard rails that I have established thru my entire life, which are not static and subject to change.

Aircraft carrier = the things in my life I have DONE, therefore no matter how much damage I take, you simply cant take away from my memory, and my soul the things I have done.

With those definitions set, let me try and answer your questions via example.

I consider myself to be a very successful business person. My past success shows this. So I have a very high level of confidence and ego in terms of work, and the things I do to generate money.

A few years ago I decided to coach my kids softball and baseball teams. I have never been a coach before, so I knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. But I had the confidence from other successes in my life, which fed my ego and told me "yes, I can do this"

Many times in my life I have been thrown into the fire. It is the best way for me to learn. Doing this, requires a person to have a tremendous amount of self-introspection as well as humility. You have to be able to check your ego, learn, ask questions and deep dive into this new thing you are doing.

I learned about coaching, the same way I learn about a new technology. I watch YT, videos, coaching videos, then I go and buy all the balls, nets, agility ladders, etc. Then I buy books on training drills, then I write up my own, then I apply what I know about lifting and how I program my workouts, to how I program a softball/baseball workout. I have 90-120 minutes with these kids 2-3 times a week. How do I maximize our time so we get reps, they get water breaks, we minimize standing around, and everyone gets to develop?

Trail and error. Like we do FR's here, I would write down my notes of how practice went, and improve next time. Now, at my 8th season, it is easy. I have a tremendous amount of confidence coaching these kids, because I understand the sport, how to motivate 8-12 year olds and keep parents in check.

When I stepped onto the field for my first game as a coach, I was shaking inside. Would the parents notice? Would my kids? Would the ref? What about the other coach? I want to preform, but can I?

This is where the aircraft carrier, is there - waiting to back up my ego. "Yes, you can do this - coaching softball is no different than presenting a network design to a board of directors"

I would say at this point, my confidence absolutely just exists. My ego is highly subjective, depending on what is going on. My ego goes up or down. My confidence does not. My humility and self-introspection keep my ego in check.

The other main factor of my confidence, is that it knows that if I do not know something, that is perfectly fine. I have learned how to do so much in my life, there is nothing that can scare me anymore. I joke and tell people, give me YouTube and I could probably perform surgery on someone if I needed. (funny and extreme, but you get the point)

To wrap up -

For me - confidence is a self feeding feedback loop. I dont see my confidence going anywhere. The hardest it was ever hit was when I spent 2 weeks in detox from Xanax abuse (another topic) but I rebounded. And the fact that I did, only feeds my confidence even more.

My ego, took a major hit during that time. I had to rely almost 100% on my confidence and the fact that I KNEW I could do what I needed to do to own my shit - as I have done before.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Our experiences are quite similar. I believe we both agree in everything said so far except the definition of a few words.

[–]mosteverythingisgrey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great breakdown (and introspection), thanks for that.

[–]40mullet0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Have you been on the other side? Have you tried to kill your ego? Lived ego free some time in your life?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spend 17 days non-voluntarily in a mental hospital due to heavy Xanax addiction and withdrawals. Spend the next 60 days suffering sweats and additional withdrawal symptoms.

Have your mom and uncle drive 10 hours to collect you from said hospital after they were forced to remove every firearm from my home.

Spend 6 more months trying to build credibility back with your wife, kids, work, etc.

Finally get your shit back in order and get your guns back.

So yeah, I have lived on the other side.

Confidence is all that got me thru it. Not a single other person on this planet. Just me.

Benzos. Never once.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Consciousness eliminates the pain by being aware of its effects but not letting them impact them because the mind is no longer the hub from which the person operates. The person operates from a zen-like awareness of life and all the causes and effects in it. It's effectively like the watcher who has learned about the pain, and can now smile and watch as the interconnected causes and effects of the pain happen in real life.

Sounds very stoic.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s said that when a hammer is your only tool, everything looks like a nail. If you can’t control your ego, every interaction is a shit test.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not really sure what the fuck any of that means, but my head hurts after reading it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yep. That's the feeling I remember after my 300 level classes.

[–]2ndalRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]2235520 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I will add my 2c. My view is " wounded ego" (noobs, and me still....) holds you back. A "healthy ego" gets you further ahead in life.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

kill the portion of the ego that tells the fat fuck in the mirror he is a stud

better ye,t kill the portion of the ego that states, "I'll show her, I will just stop initiating and she will see what real hurt is"

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So "ego" can be a person's self esteem or self importance. Or at least that is what Webster says.

What you want to kill is self importance. It's not always about you. You need to stop internalizing your wife's bullshit whenever she complains to you. Stop giving a fuck and white knighting her every whim. Stop taking offense when she complains about whatever the fuck her feelz is compelling her to bitch about at the moment. This helps you be the Oak. This is attractive.

There is another side to the coin which is your self-esteem/confidence (rational or irrational). This is good. This is attractive. Be a selfish motherfucker and go after what you want.

Losing your self importance enhances your ability to both DNGAF and be the Oak. Building your self esteem/confidence builds attraction and helps you to live in the edge - which is attractive.

Or maybe not. Fuck your ego. This post was a little moumbo-jumbo for me.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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