Reset -

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-04-03T17:06:05+00:00

I have lost weight (but still dad bod) and built a life for myself. I have hobbies, interests. I'm busy. I've killed some covert contracts.

Your still fat with tits. This is page 1 chapter 1.

But...my wife keeps talking about divorce.

Have a plan and call her bluff. Do not negotiate with terrorists.

She says that we don't have a connection; shes bored and lonely;

This is dysney love and if you internalize this and actually try and make it happen then you are living for her, and you are 100% in her frame. She gets to decide when / if that connection occurs. That's a moving goalposts you will be trying to hit forever, and you never will. The act of trying to make that connection happen again just makes you more unattractive to her.

says, that when the kids leave, she will be on her own, whilst I pursue my hobbies.

Sounds like a comfort test you failed.

She resents the fact she feels obliged to have scheduled sex on the weekend or I else I will be upset (not true, killed the butt hurt long ago, but thats what she thinks).

Bullshit! Your still getting butthurt, they can read our body language and tone better than we can fake it. That's why we shut the fuck up.

I can see the problem here, I have taken bits of MRP, but ignored some very key aspects. I don't lead my family; I don't make my wife's life interesting and fun. I've just gone off and built a nice life for me.

Definitely lead your family and excell at it. You improving and becomming a high value male that OTHER woman are attracted to will make your wife uncomfortable and that makes her life fun. It happens as a byproduct of self improvement.

I need to start all over again and do it properly. I've managed to avoid divorce for now; she's giving me a chance. So I need to build a proper MAP this time.

She's giving you a chance? Who is the prize here?

I am not sure how to deal with the sex thing - she works all week and never wants to consider it during the week, so its the weekend.

Less comfort more sexual attraction.

Whatever. One thing is clear. Whatever I think - I am unattractive to her.

You definitely are.

Your in the right place.

2ndal · 2018-04-03T16:23:55+00:00

This is what the OYS threads are for. Write out your problems and goals for fixing them over there, and do it every week.

hack3ge · 2018-04-03T16:40:04+00:00

I am dealing with something similar.

My wife is miserable mostly due to her own accord and her unwillingness to let me lead her to do fun and enjoyable things. I only recently started my journey - maybe 1-2 months in but progress has been minimal on the relationship side where as I love my new life and am happier than I've been in probably a decade.

I get the same comments from the wife about not having a connection, not feeling chemistry (clearly a tingles thing) and that she is bored yet all she does is work and take care of the kids. I'm not convinced its on you to help her unfuck herself TBH - that reeks of a major covert contract. You may also need to up the dread in order to get her to a place of uncomfortable anxiety.

As for me, I offer my wife the right of first refusal when I want to do something fun, she typically declines and then decides instead to sit and finger fuck her facebook/instragram account. If you aren't trying to plan fun things for you and your wife then that definitely is on you but if you have been and she just chooses not to participate well that's a whole different story altogether.

Only you can assess if you are being attractive and fun and its just your wife that's not participating or if really you missed a key aspect of your MAP.

FWIW I'm in my anger phase so I may not be the best person to give you advice at the current moment.

ReddJive · 2018-04-03T17:01:05+00:00

Don't "reset" just suck less. Do better.

She says that we don't have a connection; shes bored and lonely; says, that when the kids leave, she will be on her own, whilst I pursue my hobbies. She resents the fact she feels obliged to have scheduled sex on the weekend or I else I will be upset (not true, killed the butt hurt long ago, but thats what she thinks).

this tells me you are failing comfort tests for the most part. That and she doesn't know where she exists within your mission.

Take the reins as captain here and give your FO a place within that mission. most SAHM do not see value once the kids are gone. That's because they have placed all value on the kids. They don't see the large role they play in keeping the home going. Like a steward of the castle. Which means you've done little to give her tasks to play.

Sounds like your mission now needs to start building life after the kids.

I am not sure how to deal with the sex thing - she works all week and never wants to consider it during the week, so its the weekend.

FACT women love sex as much as men. Yet they are more capable of shutting that desire down. They can be sexual camels. Go years without and blame a host of reasons. All this sounds like you are still unattractive and have done little to rebuild it.

The dad bod isn't really an issue if you have frame and are fun, but you don't. So you have to remove the dad bod, but even still you can be Adonis and not get her attention. Fun. Exciting. The reasons she fucked you in the first place.

Women spend the rest of their lives changing us into someone else. Our job is to prevent that and make her remember why she is with us in the first place. You have to create the dynamic of fun time is over here. Sex or not. She can stay in Curmudgeon-ville if she wants.

The party train is going this way.

Persaeus · 2018-04-03T17:29:10+00:00

she's giving me a chance

ewww, gross. why don't you just throw drierite in her vagina

rocknrollchuck · 2018-04-03T18:29:58+00:00

This comment by u/Triadis3 should give you the road map you need. Maybe not every single point applies to you, but it should be enough to get you a good start.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-04-03T18:47:48+00:00

“giving my wife the silent treatment..”

pathetic faggot.

“wife keeps talking about divorce”.

What the fuck are you waiting for?

RedPillNewb88 · 2018-04-03T16:59:54+00:00

I would start living like she's already gone. All chores are on you. All meals cooked are by you. EVERYTHING. Expect NOTHING from her (you shouldn't expect anything anyway). Don't expect sex. Don't expect hellos, goodbyes. NOTHING. You are divorced now.

Accept it.

Ironically, when you start to really believe it, she will most likely start to show interest again. By then you will have already been prepared to end it and the choice will be yours to remain in the marriage or not. If you choose to stay married, take it slow. This will take some time but ultimately you will find yourself better off.

Have you read MMSLP by Athol Kay?

Taipanshimshon · 2018-04-03T16:58:56+00:00

There is so much she she she in there.

one way to deal with the sex thing is to get hot and go get laid. Try to give her first dibs

I've managed to avoid divorce for now; she's giving me a chance.

faggot

Triadis3 · 2018-04-03T19:00:01+00:00

Halfass attempts receive halfass results.

screechhater · 2018-04-03T22:36:46+00:00

But...my wife keeps talking about divorce

Point to the door and state - "see ya"

ArticulateSavage · 2018-04-04T11:22:21+00:00

I don't make my wife's life interesting and fun.

I must have missed this lesson in my readings of the sidebar. Was I supposed to be taking responsibility for my wife's "fun" this whole time? I didn't think I was. I was under the impression that my life was my responsibility. Weird.

I've just gone off and built a nice life for me.

Good for you. Now, invite her to join you from time to time and where appropriate.

I need to start all over again and do it properly. I've managed to avoid divorce for now; she's giving me a chance. So I need to build a proper MAP this time.

By all means. Do the work in Kay's "Mindful Attractiveness Plan." While you're at it, you must work on your abundance mentality. "Book of Pook" has some solid info on that. Also, remember "she's not yours, it's just your turn." This may be more true for you than for others.

I am not sure how to deal with the sex thing - she works all week and never wants to consider it during the week, so its the weekend. Whatever. One thing is clear. Whatever I think - I am unattractive to her.

You've got that right! Channing Tatum is single now. If he walked into your living room on a Monday, think your wife would ask him to come back on a Saturday? LOL. She'd do the nastiest things with him, an attractive man. What are you doing to be attractive?

Re-set, OP. Start with the sidebar and at the gym five days a week. Strong bodies are made in the gym. Beautiful bodies are made in the kitchen. Act accordingly.

maxeyhill · 2018-04-03T16:49:01+00:00

No, it’s me - I’ve completely failed on this

wadearave · 2018-04-03T17:06:57+00:00

If you’re trying to save the marriage you are still holding on to a covert contract. The stay plan is the go plan.

If your concerned about the connection read Sex God Method. There’s some good material on there about emotional connection.

Continue working on yourself and have some fun with her.

maxeyhill · 2018-04-03T17:08:12+00:00

Thanks Man

RPWolf · 2018-04-03T20:01:58+00:00

I have lost weight (but still dad bod) and built a life for myself.

Ignored the rest of the post. Seriously get rid of the dad bod and I am willing to bet sex during the week suddenly exists. This is Dread Level 1 shit man, come on. Shit or get off the pot.

SorcererKing · 2018-04-04T22:40:25+00:00

Go jump on 60DoD in /r/marriedredpill. Sounds like you could use some new habits.

Title	Reset -
Author	maxeyhill
Upvotes	2
Comments	33
Date	April 3, 2018 4:21 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/89fini/reset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/reset.204661 https://theredarchive.com/post/204661

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