Update: Definitely shouldn't relent. Facing pure manipulation.

BobbyPeru · 2018-03-05T06:41:05+00:00

I think you’re past comfort test.

If it was me, if she says she wants to separate, I’d throw a DNGAF attitude at her and say, “if you want out, the door is right here.” This is sidebar 101 stuff.

The whole thing is so blown out of proportion. I can’t help but wonder if she’s getting ready for a branch swing.

Definitely stick to your guns about not leaving the residence.

red-sfpplus · 2018-03-05T13:14:13+00:00

All this talk and fake posturing by TWO weak fucking people. Her AND you. Two sorry sacks of shit.

Just STFU and hate fuck her already. Jesus this shit isn’t that hard.

You are not leaving and she isn’t branch swinging yet. Give her the dick she desperately needs.

Gym 7 days a week. 1500cals a day. See the difference 3 months of that will make.

InChargeMan · 2018-03-05T16:01:16+00:00

IMO she knows she has the short end of the stick and is trying to find a weak spot. According to you her SMV is low (I hope not too low, which makes me question you...), her social circle sucks, and she doesn't have a means to support herself. I don't believe she wants a divorce. Regarding the apology stuff, make sure you can differentiate between the means and the ends. Not apologizing isn't the win, so don't make that the hill you die on. i.e. you can tell her you are sorry all day while fucking her in the ass... If you get what you want does it really matter? I'm a fan of being "sorry you feel that way" or "I can understand why that would upset you." i.e. I wouldn't have done anything different, but do wish it didn't end with your feels being hurt. Check out my post on I'm Sorry.

In a related note, look at the post by u/bogeyd6 regarding giving your wife an "out" and helping to guide her back to the fold while keeping her head high. If that means you have to say things you don't mean, that is fine. Sometimes you need to give the smallest token just to allow her hamster something to grab onto and convince herself that she was right^TM and that you have changed. For reference, this is why Chad can fuck the entire women's volleyball team and come back home with 6 roses and a box of chocolates and be forgiven because "he's changed".

weakandsensitive · 2018-03-05T08:19:46+00:00

PFFFFFFFFFFTTTT

that's the sound of you getting wrecked.

you acted like a woman trying to hug it out and are surprised that you aren't treated like a man.

why play these games if you don't have your shit lined up? have papers ready so this bullshit doesn't get escalated as manipulative tools.

you've been a meek beta bitch for many, many years. now you think you've got a spine? you're setting yourself to get fucked pussy - and real, real hard.

still fat (27%), 211 pounds.

Keep on dreaming. You're going to get treated like the fat repulsive tub of lard you are.

If you were 5'11", 170, and 11% body fat, this would be an entirely different conversation.

If you had the mental fortitude and self respect of someone who wasn't a beta bitch for the past 3 decades, this would be an entirely different conversation. It would've been

She says they're going to get towed.

"No there isn't."

End of conversation. And none of this stupid, inane bullshit should've happened.

But no, you are a fat, overweight, weak pussy who gets treated exactly as you are. You should shut the fuck up, accept it, and take all of your wife's shit until such a time that you actually have the capacity to not deserve it anymore. Right now, you're a tub of fat, saggy lard both physically and mentally. At least have the decency to act like it too instead of thinking you're hot shit because you went on some faggoty internet forum and asked a whole bunch of retards for validation while managing to piss everyone who matters off.

See, the nice thing about askMPR is that it takes a lot of stupidity for people to not jerk your ego off. That's why it exists. This is where people go to feel good about themselves by helping the special kids.

Rian_Stone · 2018-03-05T14:01:55+00:00

Being the most resilient pinching bag in the house does not equate to frame

2ndal · 2018-03-05T21:06:08+00:00

every once in a while my wife and i will get in a cycle where she's acting like a little brat and i'll let it impact my frame and she can sense it

she pounces!

you're a jerk, she says.

yep

what's wrong with you? she asks

nothin

but of course she knows it's not nothin' because she's a woman and she can read my body language like a romance novel

nothin' i reiterate

mmhmmm, she says

and we go our separate ways for a few hours, sometimes overnight

i let there be space because i think it's necessary and, hey, i don't really want to be around her, not when she's acting like that

and then finally, a few hours later, maybe the next day, once I am feeling ready to move on and re-engage, i'll walk up to her, grab her around the waist, and breath heavy into her ear: so you ready to drop the bullshit and move on with our lives? and start pulling down her pants

she'll usually offer up some resistance -- never physical, take-your-paws-off-me resistance, always verbal rehashes like you're the one being the jerk!

and i don't engage at all, maybe offer up a mmhmm yep while i bury my fingers in her pussy and bite her neck

and by the time we're done fucking we have both completely moved on

my point here is i am doing all of this on my own terms.

i'm not perfect, i handle shit wrong regularly. nobody can always be on point all the time

but i don't give any weight to her emotions. i acknowledge them and remove myself and when i am composed, re-engage on my own terms

i don't engage with her verbal tirades, i don't try to make logical sense of it, i don't negotiate with it, i don't offer up ultimatums or peace offerings, or invitations

i give myself space and then when i am ready i bring her back

RedPillCoach · 2018-03-06T17:52:48+00:00

Cold shoulder from her, silent treatment. She opened up a bit in the past 2 days. Tonight, she said we need to chat and that she wasn't happy.

We have to talk about our relationship. Great! What could possibly go wrong?

she thought she was co-dependent and that I was independent.

This is interesting. What do you think it means?

I'm not savvy enough to know if this has turned into a comfort test

It was. You failed. The next quote is how I know.

You're not willing to fight for this?" and "Why is it so hard to just apologize to make other people feel better?

"Sweety, I am so sorry that you feel bad."

There, how fracking hard was that?

I'm not Rambo'ing here

Ummmmm.....You may not be An Autistic Rambo or even a Rambo but.....dude, you don't have a clue about the emotional states of your wife.

I think the entire source of this conflict is that you have taken STFU into checking out and truly NGAF. She knows. You guys are talking divorce and lawyer logistics. You led her right into that discussion but unfortunately this is the first time I have noticed you leading.

STFU "I'd have to rent" then 2 minutes of silence later she says she'd have to figure out her budget and shit. No idea if I handled this properly.

If you want a Divorce it was handled great! The pregnant pauses would have really messed with her mind.

If you want to stay married, this needs to be handled differently. The solution to a checked out husband and an emotionally withdrawn wife is not to get more distant.

YOU WANT TO SEPARATE FROM YOUR ~~PRETTY FUCKING SWEET HUSBAND, ?HIS SOCIAL CIRCLE (WHICH YOU'RE ONLY KIND OF A PART OF) AND A NUCLEAR FAMILY BECAUSE HE DOESN'T... APOLOGIZE ENOUGH AND SOMETIMES MAKES DECISIONS WITHOUT YOUR INPUT?~~ HUSBAND BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT FEEL EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED.

Thought I would fix that for you.

Your solution, if you want to stay married is not more Stoicism and half ass kino and hugs but to ATTUNE. Check out my previous post on Gottman and do it for one week and post again.

223552 · 2018-03-05T08:04:57+00:00

The whole interaction sounds like "where do you want to have dinner? You decide , no you decide.. etc. Etc..." except replace dinner with divorce.

This is an opportunity to be more assertive, and stick to you boundaries. You are still influenced by her emotions, and she is playing you. The whole divorce talk, wanting you to apologize, cold shoulder, not talking, pushing your buttons, is all about getting you back into her frame.

Its hard in the moment not to get sucked into the drama, but keep practicing. You will notice if you are assertivie and firm, 5 min later she will act as if nothing happened.

mrpthrowa · 2018-03-05T05:53:08+00:00

just smile and reset in the morning like nothing happened

give her the happy card for a few months

if she keeps being happy, smile stfu and offer comfort in the form of actions like hug and face cupping

eventually she'll learn that the only way to play forward is to go down this path

then fuck her like you want and desire every part of her body

make no mistake though. her get out of the house talk sounds a little dangerous. document everything. watch out for bogus escalations and possible bogus dv

SBIII · 2018-03-05T08:28:39+00:00

My wife did a week of this shit non stop. You have to just hold firm. Eventually, she'll give in but only if your frame stays stronger.

Is she really thinking of divorce? Is she really going to move out?

What difference does it make? It should make none if you're doing this right.

Personally I think you are still in her frame. Certainly you are being far too affected by this.

Stand your ground, keep your boundaries, don't tolerate disrespect.

subl1m1nal · 2018-03-05T16:55:28+00:00

Woah, she's pregnant and you're trying this? She is fucked up hormonally. You need to ease into this.

Ex_Swm_Lfw · 2018-03-05T17:43:24+00:00

I personally like being open about the reason why I’m doing stuff. If something she is doing amounts to emotional manipulation and boundary testing I’d let her know I know that. No you don’t want to see her upset, but you won’t abide not respecting reasonable boundaries nor will you abide emotional manipulation that controls discourse. Usually that brings matters to a swift close, because all responses are simply rehashes of the same thing. They tend to decide if they can live with the new normal quickly. And usually the answer is they won’t.

Title	Update: Definitely shouldn't relent. Facing pure manipulation.
Author	reallythatfast
Upvotes	15
Comments	35
Date	March 5, 2018 4:18 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/823bhk/update_definitely_shouldnt_relent_facing_pure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/update-definitely-shouldnt-relent-facing-pure.204747 https://theredarchive.com/post/204747

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