Fucking New Guy here.
Drunk Captain. 3 months in. 37, together 20, married 11, kids are 10 and 4. Beta for the last 8 years. 5’11” 186, down from 193. Without official calculations, I’ve gone from >25% to about 20%, using free weights and diet. I was skinny fat, with pencil arms and a spare tractor tire. Avoiding carbs and eating more fruits/veggies, lots of chicken, scrambled eggs and various nuts. Stopped eating and drinking shit. NoFap. Just upgraded to 40lbs free weights last week. Feels good. Finally like who I am in the mirror. First time in my life. Going to hit 5x5SL when I get out of country. (Next week, it’s been Shitty trying build routine knowing it’s going to get blown up in the near future) Sidebar: MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG(75%) reading OYS and AskMRP daily. Just finished PGTFP - it’s like the glue that ties everything together.
Through a lot of introspection I’ve recently rediscovered my ability to truly NGAF, something that kept me Alpha for as long as I was. I wanted to share with you all.
I grew up the son of an honest to god war hero. My father led men as an officer in Vietnam and cheated death numerous times. He didn’t talk about it much but when he did I listened. It left me tough shoes to fill, and made it hard to define my masculinity in comparison to him. He was a hard as shit ex-marine who was as fucking Alpha as they come... but where in lies the secret to NGAF.
The true Alpha, men like my father, know what it is like to live life at the most primitive of levels. Life where all you long for is to breathe another breath. Life where metal meets meat and you must face another man equally hell bent on breathing his next breath.
I spent my whole childhood and adolescence wondering what that was like. Imagining a world like that. Living for the next breath.
I recall a particular story where my father was by himself in a rice patty and the VC artillery decided to use him as range finding practice. 120mm shells exploding left and right fore and aft, each explosion getting closer, and him realizing that “Holy Shit! They are using me to dial in their artillery!”
The magic is, if you can picture this single moment and others like it, everything else in life does not fucking matter. The wife bitching. How much pussy your getting, IOI, OI, your financial state and what you had for breakfast All don’t mean shit when you are about to meet your maker.
In the time before writing we were all soldiers. It is in our DNA. Alphas lived and betas died. Over thousands of years, the greatest of the species survived and bread. Modern society is fantastic, and most of us will never live in a killer or be killed world, but it is the core of our existence.
This visualization of the battlefield and understanding of the nature of man has given me new OI, a sense of abundance and a zest for life. When I get denied sex, or get dealt a particularly rough shit test, I find my AM in the fact that I am not having 120mm shells lobbed at me. I think to myself, “All this shit is so petty and means nothing. I might give a fuck if it was certain death, but this IDGAF! Silly girl.
It has helped me. I hope someone else might find it useful. I am posting this in AskMRP because I am still yet a reformed beta turd and will forever have work to do. Just grateful for all the good shit I’ve been able to consume at the expense of others.