707,481 posts

[FR] Field Report: Just a Simple Smile

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December 21, 2017
23 upvotes

It's been a hard week.

Pavlov has me in his sights.

This time last year was, well, horrifying. I could be and perhaps should be celebrating the life I've been given. I've been successfully doing so for many months. Something about this time of year though, both consciously and subconsciously, is reminding me of how it all went to hell.

Instead of a fat, bearded, red-suited man I was called upon by a dark, punishing, sickle-bearing bastard.

Sick and getting sicker, the chemicals coursing through my body doing things they do in camps, during war.

No one else knows this, of course, what I'm feeling now. How I'm reminiscing. I don't show them anything.

I share with you for context. Why perhaps I haven't been so cheery this past week. And how hard it must be to turn this shitty mood around.

I woke up yesterday and weighed myself for the first time in a month. I'd gained three pounds. Not entirely unexpected I suppose. Sigh.

Hadn't been feeling so hot for a few days. More overworked than sick. Took a few days off. Kind of felt like my body needed to recover anyway. I'd been hitting it hard. Hitting everything hard.

Today's okay. Nothing special. And I'm not smiling.

Take a little break from the office. Walking, listening, meditating. Mile after mile in the warm sun, Pook on my headphones. Hit the bathroom, button my pants. What's this? I'm using that new hole I drilled in my belt, the one meant to remind me how far I've come? Interesting.

Back to work, the belt a distant thought. Another walk and I'm off to get the kids. I'm on daddy-duty this week since the wife is away.

Windows down, sunroof open, music loud and hard. Still not smiling. Left arm perched against the window. What's this? My shirt is tight, but only in the biceps and in the shoulders? Reach over, feel my bicep. Hmmm. That's odd. Get a call. It's forgotten.

Home now, kids run to their rooms, and it hits me.

Off to that room in the house with all the mirrors and gym equipment. Shirt comes off, the long-sleeve, collared one. Roll up my t-shirt sleeves, mimicking a muscle shirt. What… the… fuck?

If I covered my head I would not recognize it was me. I have biceps. I have a vein running vertically down one of them and horizontally across the other.

Three pounds up and one inch down. That's… fucking… muscle. And… it… looks… fucking… good.

I catch myself in the mirror and I see it. The smile. The smile that's alluded me for the last week.

Shirt comes off and I look closer. See my abs much more than the last time I paid attention. Not where I want them to be. Yet. Not where they will be. But they're there, and they look good. Not yet like this (no homo - okay maybe a little homo) but getting there. Christ, there's a fucking vein in my shoulder.

I've been working hard. Really, really hard. Month after month after month. Hard. You hear that newbie pussies? It doesn't just fall in your fucking laps.

I've been monitoring my results. Paying close attention.

But I hadn't really stepped back and looked at the larger view. The global view. The macro view as you uber-geeks would call it.

I finally did and now I know what [Triadis3] (https://www.reddit.com/user/Triadis3/) meant in that post of his from a few days ago. I get it. I understand that not everyone loved it in the girl's locker room TRP sub, but I get it. I feel it.

It's good to be alive. It's good to smile.


Oh, shit. There's sex in my life too, right? And a woman?

  • I'm having sex and it has improved, both quantitatively and qualitatively. Best sex I've had in my entire life lately. Huh? With my wife? Is that even possible?
  • She told me last week, after sex, that she never imagined she could share such intimacy with another human being. How cute.
  • She keeps rubbing my biceps. Constantly. We walk the dog a lot together. Jesus she's touchy-feely these days.
  • She rubs my obliques frantically - like she can't get enough - like they're the key to her survival - when I'm penetrating her. I have chronic pain issues. They involve my spine. I've taken to core work very, very enthusiastically and aggressively. It doesn't feel like work. If I hit the core hard, twice a day, pain is lessened. It's that simple. But it has given me a core that she's not so accustomed to seeing, touching, or feeling.
  • Two weeks ago she said, and I quote "you are transforming your body and I love it." There was particular emphasis on the word love.

As I've mentioned in a few comments I am operating in the world of red pill on hard hardest mode. Serious illness does that.

Is it working? In ways it is. In ways it's clear I'm not there yet.

I am working on a real field report for the other sub and it's comprehensive. But that smile meant a lot to me and I wanted to share. So many of you have helped me so much, I hope you find some satisfaction in learning of my successes.

I for one know the journey is just beginning and is bound to get harder. For me, it started as a sexual journey focused on someone else. It has evolved into something entirely different. Something profound and meaningful.


Post Information
Title [FR] Field Report: Just a Simple Smile
Author johneyapocalypse
Upvotes 23
Comments 26
Date 21 December 2017 07:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205040
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7lbvmk/fr_field_report_just_a_simple_smile/
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Comments

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Congrats man, i know exactly what you’re talking about.

It does feel fucking good...because you EARNED it. You can’t buy that feeling, you can only get it through hard work, dedication and a willingness to repetitively endure self inflicted pain.

Keep crushing it.

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. It's does feel good.

And I appreciate your posts and your comments - I've been reading your contributions often.

A mood so foul that more or less nothing can turn it around. But something did and you're right - it's the change - a change I own - blood, sweat, tears, and all.

So far, no car, house, gadget, or toy in the world feels like that.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

And, now a word from our sponsor

Where the body goes, the mind will follow..

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

A couple guys here recently told me it's time to read Pook.

This is one of the notes I took:

Before you can be prince charming you must be successful in your mind - confidence in your mind produces prince charming - prince charming does not produce confidence.

It aligns completely with your point.

To think that I scoffed at you muscle-building meatheads when I first arrived. :-)

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Frame.

I swear to god, you get to lifting where you are sore constantly darts bounce off you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

10 foot tall and bulletproof.

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

So why post this in askMRP instead of MRP? I'm not saying you should've done one or the other, but what was the rationale for your choice?

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am putting the finishing touches on another field report. A very detailed report-cum-analysis of my time here.

This post has been much more of a spontaneous, happened-to-notice kind of thing. I didn't think it substantive enough to be posted in the other sub.

[–]AustralianArm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also, askMRP has a much lower standard of post requirement. If you have any doubts about your post, askMRP is the place to cop less crap.

[–]CrippleSlap3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Great. Post. Thanks for sharing.

Gives a newbie (6 months) like me motivation.

Love FR's of success stories. Fuck all the other people who say MRP doesn't work.

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're welcome.

I have my successes though I don't know that I'd call myself a success story. Little-by-little I'm opening Pandora's Box. I'm not sure that what eventually comes out will be what I expected.

For me, the perspective on MRP is skewed. I don't talk about it to anyone in the real world, ever. So the only people I'm interacting with are here, where the world champions for MRP are pow-wowing on a daily basis.

I had mentioned in this post that my first exposure was not positive. I had to overcome extreme prejudice after reading a pile of shit that was literally, not figuratively, more juvenile than what my middle school son and his friends are bantering about these days.

I ultimately found MRP and waded into the shallow end a bit.

Then, I said 'fuck it' and actually chose to defer to the advice here when unsure. In other words, when presented with various life scenarios I began making the MRP choice. Kind of like George Costanza choosing the opposite each time.

I was often unsure about these decisions. It's kind of scary when you think about it. What if it's wrong? What if they're wrong?

While you must be an adult, continue to exercise sound judgement, and should never hand your testicles to either a woman or a random group of anonymous men, it has been my experience that choosing MRP equates to a positive outcome. Uniformly.

Thus far without fail.

It's satisfying to know that my words provide inspiration. For me, it has been the words of many others - like GargantuaBlarg29 whose photo I linked to and look at every day - that played that role for me.

Karma - the real kind. What comes around goes around.

[–]CrippleSlap1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't talk about it to anyone in the real world, ever. So the only people I'm interacting with are here

Same. I've never mentioned it to anyone in the real world. Probably never will.

[–]snatch_haggis2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good for you man. Right thought, right action, right path.

I'm using that new hole I drilled in my belt, the one meant to remind me how far I've come? Interesting.

Get yourself a ratchet belt. Looks like a regular belt, adjusts in 1/4" increments. Found these after I got tired of drilling holes in mine.

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, I'm going to keep drilling holes until I have to wrap it around myself twice. I don't care if I look like rain man.

Thank you!

And kudos regarding your note on business and validation. You were right.

[–]short_n_harsh_dude1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Field Reports like this brings both hope and motivation for those who barely swallow the pill (me included). I've started my journey not so long ago, I don't really know what brought me here, maybe the shitty life I was living, maybe my shitty wife and her shitty behavior towards me, it's been a life changing experience for me. I begin as many of you, lurking, devouring the sidebar, testing the waters with the old lady, and lifting, a lot. I started to see that my mind changed as my body began to change. Last month she say how good I'm looking without clothes, "ok good, now keep pushing forward" I said to myself. Anyway, thanks for your contribution, it means a lot for those who just start.

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't let your foot of the brakes. Ever.

Each time I did I regretted it. I've finally built habits now.

You're here. Stay. But listen to that one piece of advice.

[–]crimson_chris1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Much needed inspiration.

Funny how we are conditioned. Your are right, most time the MRP answer is the right one, we are sometimes just too scared to make that choice.

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed.

Then I did exactly what George Costanza did and just went with it. What's the worst that could happen? The prior methods weren't working anyway.

Like I said, it hasn't failed yet. I'm striving to live a little more in the world of non-perfection, so I'm not going to expect miracles. Failure may come and that's fine too. I've failed plenty of times. But the track record thus far is damn good.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Belongs in main.

I have a vein

Feels good don't it?

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Belongs in main.

Noted. Though your monster, and amazing, field report is probably why I posted here. Mine felt inadequate.

I have a vein Feels good don't it?

It does.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha. Like the clip.

That smile, that's the value add. Why is lifting so important? Because that value shows itself constantly. You see that vein pop, you flex, you smile and give yourself a nod of approval. Fuck yes. It's shoulder day, you bust out some OHP and what?...there's a groove defining your muscle that you've never seen before. You're in the shower washing up. You run your hand over your arm and feel the peaks and valleys of actual muscle definition ripple all the way down your arm. "That's never been there before." You think. "I did this." You think. Now you're smiling every time you take off a shirt. Smiling every time you put on one and feel how it hugs your arms and chest. No one can take that from you, and you did that. It's vanity. And it's accomplishment. That muscle isn't just a muscle. That vein isn't just a vein. It's the visible result of all the heart and soul you put into yourself. It's dedication. It's perseverance. When I see guys in the gym, on the beach, at the pool and they look jacked I don't think "wow, look at how he looks" I think "Wow, just think of the dedication he put into himself."

"Some of ya'll going to sleep and you don't deserve to be, you don't deserve rest. You lazy, you don't deserve rest. Rest is for people who work."

But that's not all. Socializing, gaming, building, seeing people follow your lead, reaching your goals, fuck there's just a ton of things in life that will give you that smile and it's funny looking back that we rammed our heads into the wall for so long trying to figure out just one of those (sex) forsaking all others...when the pursuit of the others practically brings sex naturally.

"How much time do you have left. How much time do you have left? When you stop to think about it we don't know. Most of us don't use the stuff that we have brought into the universe."

It's a shame, it really is. A lot of people I talk to IRL just do not know what this feeling is like. The toughest part is that it's hidden behind a barrier of fear. Becoming a coach, getting off the couch and doing that thing, walking up to that person, volunteering to fly halfway around the world for work...many of the adventures and growths I've had in the last year have come from me breaking out of that hamsterfest of debating whether or not to do something and just saying "Let's do it."

I've had conversations with people who say if they won $5million that they'd probably come to work the next day because they'd be bored. That they'd otherwise just play video games all day. Are you serious? There's like 18,000 things on my list that I want to do and there's no time right now to do them. And when I turn 62 I will not have the ability to do half of them. Fuck that.

People don't have dreams. People slump through life every single day doing the same thing. Wasting time. Taking the easy road. That vein, that vein is a thread. It's a look into what is possible if you keep applying yourself. To put yourself out there, in life on hard mode, walking against the path everyone else is walking. There's a serious of motivational speeches that's part of my playlist when I work out. Guys yelling at me to stay on track. That success doesn't come easy. But when it comes, when you earn it, man you smile. And you smile big. Keep going man. Keep smiling.

"And the problem with some of ya'll, is you want someone else to support your dream. But this is my time, this is my moment. Tomorrow...tomorrow...ain't no such thing as tomorrow. What does your dream look like? What does it smell like? What does it taste like? If you want it to happen, get your butt up and make it happen. If you want it to happen, rise and grind."

[–]Marcus_Aurtrillius1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Man, I know this feeling!

I'm still a fat fuck. But some vascularity has returned. I've got visible veins in my forearms and calves.

I mostly wear polos to work. The sleeves are bursting at the seams from my biceps. All the pull-ups and curls are paying off.

feelsgoodman.jpg

Congrats on your progress. Keep it goin!

[–]image_linker_bot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

feelsgoodman.jpg


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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

Sounds like you tried the latter.

Ain't it great to be alive!!

"How I'm reminiscing. I don't show them anything."

Good. NEVER Let Them See You weak. Your burden is yours.

"that new hole I drilled in my belt"

I actually bought a punch so I could keep my belt collection.

Shirts getting tight. Veins popping? That's your reward for the work. Look how vascular I am Seth, you just don't know...

Lift, motherfuckers Step away from the obvious Prince Rupert tail taps, and it's solid advice. It's not about becoming a meathead. Well, it is, but not really. But that part is important. But it's much more.....Fuck, just go lift.

So sad that DYEL has become a contemptuous meme.

"rubbing my biceps. Constantly. We walk the dog a lot together. Jesus she's touchy-feely these days. She rubs my obliques frantically - like she can't get enough"

You're being swolested, bro...

hashtag metoo.

"started as a sexual journey focused on someone else"

It's how I got here.

Nice update, buddy. Fuck cancer.

[–]johneyapocalypse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, man.

Your replies always remind of this, this, and this.

P.S. The work of Esther Perel has been really helpful for me and she deeply explores - amongst other helpful things - living vs. dying. Wish I'd been around and of age in the 70's to pick her up while she was hitchiking around the US. She's gotta be good times.

[–]Mentioned_Videos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Videos in this thread: Watch Playlist ▶

VIDEO COMMENT
(1) Stewie vascular man (2) Mystery of Prince Rupert's Drop at 130,000 fps - Smarter Every Day 86 +1 - Get busy living, or get busy dying. Sounds like you tried the latter. Ain't it great to be alive!! "How I'm reminiscing. I don't show them anything." Good. NEVER Let Them See You weak. Your burden is yours. "that new hole I drilled in my belt" ...
(1) Rick James "Cocaine is a hell of a drug" (2) They Live Roddy Piper - Chew Bubblegum and Kick Ass (3) Yippee ki yay Motherfucker - Die Hard 2 +1 - Thanks, man. Your replies always remind of this, this, and this. P.S. The work of Esther Perel has been really helpful for me and she deeply explores - amongst other helpful things - living vs. dying. Wish I'd been around and of age in the 70's to ...
We're Not Worthy +1 - Belongs in main. Noted. Though your monster, and amazing, field report is probably why I posted here. Mine felt inadequate. I have a vein Feels good don't it? It does.

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