Recently, get positive response to kino, carry her around, play with her, don't take her seriously etc. Now she's been saying repeatedly she "doesn't feel close" and "we have to talk before we can have any closeness/sex" or "doesn't feel connected". Now, in this relation with my wife, I don't want any "closeness" or "feeling connected" on the cost of passion, i prefer the distance and insecurity.

Could it be that this is actually her feeling that I'm becoming more IDGAF, but she's not attracted enough to have sex? Therefore she wants to "feel close" etc by talking instead? How do I communicate that the only way if she wants me closer is to let me fuck her/give me a blowjob? I'd like to do that in an way so she feels it rather than me explicitly telling her. If I fall into her frame and talk and bla bla it might well kill what little attraction there is, tried that before thank you very much... Plus I don't really want to fall for this bargain around sex type of shit... how do I let her know once and for all that such covert contracts are not anymore working with me? Just be patient and lift etc, or anything else?

Can I just say "For me closeness equals sex, so if you aren't attracted to me, we just cant be that close"?