I discovered MRP about 3 months ago but only two week ago swallowed the pill (more on that later). I did browse both subreddits regularly and did notice how veterans like to browse an OP’s history in order to get more information about him. That’s why I thought a proper introduction might be at its place, here. There is no RedPill theory, no frame report, no question or issue in this post. This is purely for future reference and as such can be safely skipped or ignored.
2 months ago my second child (first son) died after only 36 days. I discovered MRP some two weeks before he was born and did understand how the knowledge in this subreddit could help me to become the best dad he would ever need. I (36 years old, senior sysadmin on a K12 campus) never had a real father figure (my parents divorced while I was young, raised by mother) which is partly why I became such a classic Blue Pill. My wife and I are still trying to come to terms with our new family situation every day. More on that in help_needed_shitty_comfort_test
During his time in the hospital, I really had no time or energy to swallow the RedPill. Now that my life is coming back on track, it is time for me to become the new/real me. I have a LTR of 10 years and she is the mother of my daughter (3,5 years old). Before her I had a shitty BP relationship with a mental woman. She divorced me after cheating on me several times (I guess, only found out about 1) and I can recognise a lot of the the RP-theory in my first marriage. My second relationship is WAY better and - in comparison with others - not even that faulty.
Nevertheless, I can see how MRP can help be become the better version of myself, which in turns benefits my relationship, my sex life and the upbringing of my child(ren). I discovered 2 major flaws in my character that should be fixed:
- a low self esteem
- taking responsibility
The divorce of my parents, me failing my higher education and my first marriage, left me with a low self esteem. I am trying to build confidence on a lot of levels and currently have some challenges with myself in order to learn how to endure and not give up. Although these challenges may look stupid and irrelevant, they are game changing for me and really help me build a new frame.
- daily push ups (current streak 25 - can do 20 push ups)
- daily cold shower (current streak: 35)
- no more phone at the table (current streak: 38)
- no fap (current streak: 44)
- no alcohol (current streak 48)
- no junk food (current streak 48)
- re-entered university
I also have a major issue with taking responsibility: fixing the house, washing the car, owning my mistakes (<< major one), being honest, not covering up, ... I also am trying to better me on this level but I feel this is the hardest part of MRP. Once you swallow the pill, there are no excuses anymore. If things go southways, you and you alone are responsible. Even if your wife or kid fuck ups, it is your mistake because you poorly captained them. Looking in the mirror and being brutally honest with yourself, is hard.
- took control of the finances
- made a to-do list of things around the house
- unburden the wife by taking control
- planning the weekend activities
- go to the gym
What I did so far
- calisthenics at home to get a basic condition and some fat loss. (6.10 feet / 180 pounds)
- recently started lifting, now recuperating from my first squat-session... Boy am I sore :(
- currently reading NMMNG. I can't read more than 3 pages at a time because this book hits to close home. I feel like I am in The Truman Show and Glover has been spying on me all these years and just wrote my story...
- Trying to improve self esteem and take responsibility (see above)
What I learned so far
I get why the 3 commandments of MRP are lift, STFU and read the sidebar, but sometimes I feel the veterans should either expand the Wiki or elaborate more..
- STFU does not mean: don't talk to your wife anymore. It means: don't bitch to your wife anymore. Don't lay your problems in her basket. I get it now...
- Lift has a purpose: to get you through the anger-phase and to get you into shape. Woman love a mentally healthy man with a perfect body. I get it now...
- The sidebar, well, is the sidebar. Everything you need to know is in the sidebar.. I get it now...
Still, you veterans sometimes tend to forget how Blue we noobies are. If I would have come here 15 years ago to ask for help with my first marriage, the only (and only correct) answer would have been: GTFO and fix yourself... But BluePill me would not think that was an option: I had to save my marriage, fix my wife, love her and care for her...
I would not even understand why you would tell me to GTFO.. I get it now, I do. But maybe, maybe, we should all try to be a little bit more understanding for those who haven't swallowed the RedPill yet? Because, honestly, they can't comprehend what we are asking from them...
There you have it; a proper introduction...