707,481 posts

A proper introduction

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October 1, 2017
6 upvotes

I discovered MRP about 3 months ago but only two week ago swallowed the pill (more on that later). I did browse both subreddits regularly and did notice how veterans like to browse an OP’s history in order to get more information about him. That’s why I thought a proper introduction might be at its place, here. There is no RedPill theory, no frame report, no question or issue in this post. This is purely for future reference and as such can be safely skipped or ignored.

 

2 months ago my second child (first son) died after only 36 days. I discovered MRP some two weeks before he was born and did understand how the knowledge in this subreddit could help me to become the best dad he would ever need. I (36 years old, senior sysadmin on a K12 campus) never had a real father figure (my parents divorced while I was young, raised by mother) which is partly why I became such a classic Blue Pill. My wife and I are still trying to come to terms with our new family situation every day. More on that in help_needed_shitty_comfort_test

During his time in the hospital, I really had no time or energy to swallow the RedPill. Now that my life is coming back on track, it is time for me to become the new/real me. I have a LTR of 10 years and she is the mother of my daughter (3,5 years old). Before her I had a shitty BP relationship with a mental woman. She divorced me after cheating on me several times (I guess, only found out about 1) and I can recognise a lot of the the RP-theory in my first marriage. My second relationship is WAY better and - in comparison with others - not even that faulty.

 

Nevertheless, I can see how MRP can help be become the better version of myself, which in turns benefits my relationship, my sex life and the upbringing of my child(ren). I discovered 2 major flaws in my character that should be fixed:

  • a low self esteem
  • taking responsibility

The divorce of my parents, me failing my higher education and my first marriage, left me with a low self esteem. I am trying to build confidence on a lot of levels and currently have some challenges with myself in order to learn how to endure and not give up. Although these challenges may look stupid and irrelevant, they are game changing for me and really help me build a new frame.

  • daily push ups (current streak 25 - can do 20 push ups)
  • daily cold shower (current streak: 35)
  • no more phone at the table (current streak: 38)
  • no fap (current streak: 44)
  • no alcohol (current streak 48)
  • no junk food (current streak 48)
  • re-entered university

I also have a major issue with taking responsibility: fixing the house, washing the car, owning my mistakes (<< major one), being honest, not covering up, ... I also am trying to better me on this level but I feel this is the hardest part of MRP. Once you swallow the pill, there are no excuses anymore. If things go southways, you and you alone are responsible. Even if your wife or kid fuck ups, it is your mistake because you poorly captained them. Looking in the mirror and being brutally honest with yourself, is hard.

  • took control of the finances
  • made a to-do list of things around the house
  • unburden the wife by taking control
  • planning the weekend activities
  • go to the gym

 

What I did so far

  • calisthenics at home to get a basic condition and some fat loss. (6.10 feet / 180 pounds)
  • recently started lifting, now recuperating from my first squat-session... Boy am I sore :(
  • currently reading NMMNG. I can't read more than 3 pages at a time because this book hits to close home. I feel like I am in The Truman Show and Glover has been spying on me all these years and just wrote my story...
  • Trying to improve self esteem and take responsibility (see above)

 

What I learned so far

I get why the 3 commandments of MRP are lift, STFU and read the sidebar, but sometimes I feel the veterans should either expand the Wiki or elaborate more..

  • STFU does not mean: don't talk to your wife anymore. It means: don't bitch to your wife anymore. Don't lay your problems in her basket. I get it now...
  • Lift has a purpose: to get you through the anger-phase and to get you into shape. Woman love a mentally healthy man with a perfect body. I get it now...
  • The sidebar, well, is the sidebar. Everything you need to know is in the sidebar.. I get it now...

Still, you veterans sometimes tend to forget how Blue we noobies are. If I would have come here 15 years ago to ask for help with my first marriage, the only (and only correct) answer would have been: GTFO and fix yourself... But BluePill me would not think that was an option: I had to save my marriage, fix my wife, love her and care for her...

I would not even understand why you would tell me to GTFO.. I get it now, I do. But maybe, maybe, we should all try to be a little bit more understanding for those who haven't swallowed the RedPill yet? Because, honestly, they can't comprehend what we are asking from them...

 

There you have it; a proper introduction...


Post Information
Title A proper introduction
Author SimilarSalvation
Upvotes 6
Comments 56
Date 01 October 2017 04:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205356
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/73mm7w/a_proper_introduction/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
framecheatingnofaplong term relationshipliftgamethe red pillthe blue pillcloseNMMNG
Comments

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

First, sorry for your loss.

Second , the universe is brutally uncaring and men get what they take and if you stand around waiting for the overlords to hand out yours then you will wait forever. Does this explain why we aren't more understanding for newcomers?

[–]SimilarSalvation[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Does this explain why we aren't more understanding for newcomers?

It does and you are right but have you seen Men in Black

Edwards: Why the big secret? People are smart. They can handle it.

Kay: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.

Edwards: What's the catch?

Kay: The catch? The catch is you will sever every human contact. Nobody will ever know you exist anywhere. Ever. I'll give you to sunrise to think it over.

[starts walking away]

Edwards: [shouting after Kay] Hey! Is it worth it?

Kay: Oh yeah, it's worth it...

[starts walking again, stops and turns back briefly]

Kay: ... if you're strong enough!

This is also RedPill-theory for me. It is sometimes impossible to really grasp the truth.

Most men come in here in anger and/or panic. They are looking for quick fixes (there are none), shortcuts (there are none) and a pat on the back (there are none). And because of the BluePill paradigma, they can't understand what we are trying to tell them: your wife is right, it is your fault. Because their earth is still flat...

It is not really our responsibility to educate all men, it is not really our responsibility to try and convince all men. But maybe, just maybe, we could be a little bit more understanding?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not REALLY. We don't coddle men asking to learn because most men dont really want to learn and they instead want their dick rubbed and sweet lies whispered in their ears that hard painful work isnt necessary

This is how we reach the ones who can learn

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But maybe, just maybe, we could be a little bit more understanding?

No. And those who coddle you ITT are doing you a disservice. GEt it through your thick head, you're not special or unique, your problems aren't either, and no one cares for the plight of man.

Want value in your time here? This is the greatest lesson, you get it for free, and without any effort on your part.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Welcome! Solid introduction.

It IS harsh. For the new guys who come in, MRP has the FAQ, the Guide for Beginners, the Coure Prerequisites, and Red Pill 101. AskMRP has the "Dude" post, the guide, intro, and so forth. Even just arriving here and looking at some of these concepts is a bit mind boggling. In reading those, the first things that you are supposed to do is just STFU, LIFT, and SIDEBAR. Don't be posting on the main sub for a few months, and take it all in. Lots of people don't do that. They don't even take the time to look at the "Posting and Topic Flair Guidelines" - thus the low quality posts that you see in here from time to time.

I don't think this would have nearly been as effective had someone explained it to me. I had to do the work myself. More specifically, I had to want to do it. I got a great deal of value out of researching, looking at the top comments, reading the blogs, and so forth.

Quality begets quality. When you have a quality post, such as your intro, or Kirk's intro recently, that's the kind of stuff that makes us want to get involved. To help out a fellow man who is just starting to unplug.

Conversely, you're going to get us piling on when you get a ego-driven inane post. Because like you said, the answers are all there, but there is no effort to read them/understand them/etc.

For me, MRP changed my life, and I'm only almost 6 months in from my unplugging. I have sex more frequently, I'm losing weight and getting into shape, and I'm even working out how I can have my kids be the best that they can be (Scouts, sporting events, working out with dad, etc). MRP to me was like a tune-up. I wasn't in dire straits - but damn did this kick me in the ass and really show me what I need to do.

Also, MRP is for life. There's no going back once you understand this stuff. Even if you want to plug back in, it will always haunt you. That's the bitterness of the pill. It's harsh, but a necessary truth.

Lots of people here use the grief model here, with Acceptance being the last phase of the Red Pill. I partially disagree with that - to me, the last phase is Hope. Hope of being the Man, Hope of acheiving my Purpose, Hope of being the Leader of my family. I'm going to do my best to achieve my goals and be the Captain, and there is no excuses.

I hope you take this time to become the best that you can be.

[–]SimilarSalvation[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you!

I don't think this would have nearly been as effective had someone explained it to me. I had to do the work myself. More specifically, I had to want to do it. I got a great deal of value out of researching, looking at the top comments, reading the blogs, and so forth.

Very true, indeed. Doing your own research and really trying to understand MRP is paramount.

For me, MRP changed my life, and I'm only almost 6 months in from my unplugging. I have sex more frequently, I'm losing weight and getting into shape, and I'm even working out how I can have my kids be the best that they can be (Scouts, sporting events, working out with dad, etc). MRP to me was like a tune-up. I wasn't in dire straits - but damn did this kick me in the ass and really show me what I need to do.

This is what I also hope (know) to get out of MRP. I also am not (yet :) in dire straits but coming to this subreddit was indeed a kick in the ass and a life changer. OYS is one of the easiest and yet most important things I had yet to learn...

Lots of people here use the grief model here, with Acceptance being the last phase of the Red Pill. I partially disagree with that - to me, the last phase is Hope.

I like this idea, can I steal it from you?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sure. I would note though that I got it from Rollo Tomassi's second book, pages 205-207. :)

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good introduction. Welcome.

You answered your own question, though. The veterans don't need to answer big picture questions, because the answer is STFU, lift and sidebar. The specific applications may benefit from veteran input, but even that is wasted on noobs who haven't read the sidebar and don't lift.

The EC comments and field reports are gold. They are as important as the sidebar.

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

After a noobie has read the sidebar and at least attempted to out in the work, he can ask for clarification on theories he does not quite understand.

Anything else will still not be understood by said noobie.

We can all fill pages of clarification but it won't mean shit to the man that hasn't tried and failed.

You are a step ahead of most noobies that come here. You are taking ownership of your failure in your life. Most are still talking about why failure in their life is the result of others.

The system works and it helps us weed out those don't want to do the work from those that will.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because, honestly, they can't comprehend what we are asking from them...

When the student is ready the teacher appears. There’s no other way.

We are understanding. We understand that most of the noobs need a kick in the ass.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry for your loss. No parent should have to go through that.

Congrats on the feeling of righteous DOMS from your first squat session. Learn to look forward to always feeling that way somewhere on your body to a different degree. It's the feeling of constant improvement, and should be missed when it isn't there.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ya know, I don't have any fucking idea how blue you are and I don't really care

I do know you are suffering from a loss, from what you told us. And I am sorry for that, I really am.

In reality this place is for you, to help yourself. And, I am posting to pay back the help given to me. What I write and what is digested by your brain is for you

Now to the core of my response.

Your wife will break down crying and it is your responsiblity to be there and give her comfort. Also, you have another child and she needs you now more than ever.

This is no blame game. This is you, a man, leading your wife through loss and devastation and yet truly being clear enough to focus in on the needs of your daughter and her mother. This is not a fix. This is support.

Now to you and the red pill swallowing beta boy. take your fucking time, if you want to rush something, then lift that is all Read. Be available. Show comfort,

Remeber, your sexual needs are still relavent so don't hide and spank it to death because of the loss. She doesn't need to be pedastalized. She needs to continue to connect with you

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Soon or later you come to realize that no one cares about you.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (28 children) | Copy

sometimes tend to forget how Blue we noobies are

Somehow this doesn't seem like my fucking problem.

Especially when --

Everything you need to know is in the sidebar.

If I gave a shit about everyone's problems pro bono, what would that say about how much I value my own time?

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (27 children) | Copy

I agree. But fuck it.

If you were on a forum for improving men and gave a shit about their problems pro bono, what would that say about your values?

Edit: Sentence structure. FUCK, school is turning me into a grammar Natzi already.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

+1

WNS you're wasting your own time

[–]weakandsensitive-1 points0 points  (25 children) | Copy

Huge difference between theirs and everyone's. You realize that right?

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (24 children) | Copy

I do, that's why I led with I agree.

Do you realize that the value of giving something as priceless to you as your time could mean a lot to a man-child that may need a WNS 2x4? Or maybe more pertinent something like your time that you can put a price on could be valued as priceless by that sad representation of a man.

Realistically I'm just angry at having to write about Italian Renaissance Art. Fuck linear perspective.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why should I care about yet another random man child?

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's for you to decide.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're telling me I should. I'm telling you I don't.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy

I'm just angry at having to write about Italian Renaissance Art.

Don't say things you can't take back. Caravaggio wannabes, always with the dirty feet

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

Nope, you can have it. Caravaggio, Verrocchio, Ghirlandaio. Take them all.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

No renaissance or baroque? Enjoy your Lascaux cave paintings, pleb

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

I get the advancements made in art. But writing about it, that is what I'm referring to.

8 pages about the composition and styling of Leonardo's Last Supper.

I'll gladly be a well paid ditch digger if that is your standard for high class.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Really? I love that shit. Once you tell someone why every painting has a closed door in the middle of it, it's something they can't unsee...

I've hauled irrigation lines, dug ditches, and I would gladly run my mouth about paint instead of going back to that. My way to put a jab at the 'high class' snobs.

Hey, I can lift weights and outdo you on your bougie hobbies. What else ya got?

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Looking around......bougie? Not sure how that came across as bougie, but sure. Shrugs, OK.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Stand back, we got some educated discussions going on here.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

/r/iamverysmart we can talk John Deere vs Cat if you prefer...

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I prefer the cat vs komatsu debate. Always a lively discussion. For instance, a CAT can take a direct hit from a land mine.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a loggers kid, stihl vs husqvarna are as lively as I get lol.

That video is as good an ad as they grt

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've managed to benefit enormously from WNS and almost all of the flaired guys, and I haven't had to write a post asking "what do" or an FR looking for validation from a bunch of internet strangers.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy

On being super blue as noobie.

fucking goddamned lift. We tell you stupid fucks over and over and we still hear about body weight exercises, next week, injury..... get a mother Fucking grip, this is up to you, so lift

[–]SimilarSalvation[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Hey /u/screechhater, this response might come off as a DEER but allow me to elaborate.

but first: I do lift, read my first post...

 

We tell RedPill beginners not to go full rambo when discovering the truth. Although suddenly everything starts to makes sense and you experience a lot of anger and you want to turn things around immediately and you want to start being super-alpha-Rambo-Rocky right away, we tell them: go slow, take your time (=STFU). First build a new frame, pass some shittests and then let your SO and family know the new you truly has arrived...

I believe the same is true for the man who discovers the RedPill. I think we (new) men also needs some time to come to grips with ourselves. I think we should not go full Rambo right away and start hitting the iron right away because we also need to understand our new frame... I was notorious for never working out, ever! Not working out was part of my core, part of my old frame. Taking responsibility, understanding why this was so and then taking action, did take some time. I could not go full Rambo right away because that would go against my core, against my (then) true self...

 

The comforting lie for starting body weight was because I could not leave my wife alone at home. She needed me in this difficult period and I had to be there to be her oak. But even if my son had lived, I would have found another (or maybe the same) excuse to stay at home... Sharing the burden, being there for her and the children, always be available, yadda yadda yadda...

The unpleasant truth is that I was afraid to start lifting. I was afraid to take responsibility and enter the gym. Calisthenics was a safe way out and allowed me to trick myself into believing I was working out. And looking at r/bodyweightfitness/ I would get the same results as hitting the Iron...

BUT! it also gave me time to get used to the new idea of really working out, of rebuilding my frame and be believable (to myself) for entering the gym. Of easing into the new me, of really believing I could and SHOULD really lift...

 

And this response is somewhat related to my last paragraph: just yelling at a noobie: STFU and start lifting is not always enough. And /u/weakandsensitive, /u/SgtSilverBack and /u/fuckmrp are right, you shouldn't care about others problems and especially not pro bono.

I was just trying to clarify why there are so many shitty posts on this subreddit (men in panic) and even worse responses from them OP's (because they don't have the background, the knowledge, the cohones and/or the time to really digest the Pill in their time of panic). Because I truly believe coming to grips with the RedPill-theory also needs some time to sink in..

 

And sorry for the long post but English is not my native language which sometimes makes it difficult to get my point across.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's a big deer you got there.

Just do what works for you, but there is a formula that's proven. I'm not a gym junkie either but I'm getting into it and enjoying it. I still do other exercise too.

Just work your way into the weights. Like you say this is all a big change, no need to rush...but it's your own progress you hold back.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What's missing in the STFU and lift is to reflect on what you are reading. This action of STFU is opportune time to see what she does vs what she says.

Alone time with the weights or the concentration required in movements allows you time to add up the tenets of the praxology and apply

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

......just yelling at a noobie: STFU and start lifting is not always enough

It is if they actually put in the work

The unpleasant truth is that I was afraid to start lifting

You got advice to do something then didn't follow that advice, and here you are telling us the advice isn't always the best.

All the advice works if it is put into practice. IF YOU DO THE WORK. You started by not doing the work.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Sucks to be a faggot doesn't it.

[–]SimilarSalvation[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

and the most prestigious award for outstanding comment achievements and excellence in arguments goes to /u/weakandsensitive for

Sucks to be a faggot doesn't it.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The same passive aggressive comments to you each time. And each time, they think it's unique, witty, and clever.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We tell RedPill beginners not to go full rambo when discovering the truth.

Slow down. Theres no 'we', not yet. We takes work, and provides value.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

One thing I noticed in Forida, very few wanted to work, very many wanted to be heard. They paid good money, so I wouldn't want to cost Anthony ticket sales, but it's one of the most annoying parts of it...

Reminds me of fight club, bob with bitch tits, crying

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

would love a post on your insights from the conference

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

There's a lot to unpack, on a variety of things. I'm pretty sure I took more from them then they took from me on this one.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I want to hear about the "deaf" frame game the went on at the bar......

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Almost as interesting as my 'call em a cunt' routine, my 'grab em by the tits' routine.

And they are fun, unfortunately, I got a little more of an exestential lesson from the whole thing. That and I am editing my speech so it can be a post. That's not new territory for the guys here, but I am rather proud of it, 7 rewrites and 1 destroyed laptop later.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Destroyed laptop? What happened? Not a tantrum I'd guess.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

San Torini. Was drinking, tripped over the cord, fell to the ground, hard drive broke.

That thing wasn't cheap, I am very stingy when it comes to my temper tantrums

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I've had some bourbon bottles destroy things for me, too.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not sure why you are brutally sore after your first squat session. Are you doing 5x5 StrongLifts? It’s just the bar to start.

[–]SimilarSalvation[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It is 5x5 stronglifts and it is just the bar...

I have no stamina, muscle or experience whatsover and now I am paying the price for it :) - not fat, but skinny fat - but also sore as hell the entire day after my first workout...

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok good. Keep going.

I promise you that as long as you stay on this path it will pay dividends. More so than any other MRP wisdom.

If you are so weak that you are sore from the bar I’m concerned you will hurt yourself. The best defence against this is proper form. Watch the 5x5 videos at length and consider hiring a trainer.

Maybe consider changing the increments to 2.5 lbs instead of 5lbs in the 5x5 app.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Still, you veterans sometimes tend to forget how Blue we noobies are

when I was a noob I thought this too.

and then I realized, no one can help you until you give enough of a shit to do the work

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

it's actually true - i don't think anyone's forgotten. i can't name a single vet who has patience for bullshit excuses. we can all find lots of reasons to not.



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