6-7 months in. The relationship seems to be going through periods of calm, and big shit storms, does not seem to be related to the cycle either. Sex is about the same 1/week. I am a lot more dominant in bed now, however, I am not really seeing her responding to it. I own my shit around the house, kids, work, constant kino, pranks, fun. I am enjoying my life a lot more today, than I did in the past 5 yrs. I lift, read. I am not going to pretend I am amazing, I am a better captain than I ever was, but I still have a very , very long way to go. As I have said before in my posts, I am not really seeing my wife responding to any changes, except she is getting more annoyed with me. The only significant change I have noticed, after an argument, she would give me silent treatment for 5-7 days, now that I DGAF, she gets over it in about 24 hours, and usually will respond to kino , ie " slap on the ass, and she said, I will take this as your apology." To give you a short background, I was a life long BP, and MIL cut off FIL balls a very long time ago, and threw them in the ocean, together with his spine.
Particularly the last month or so I keep getting a lot of comfort/shit tests all rolled into one. ie. "I don't want to sell our place/I love our place, I am not in love with the new house we are building, IT was ALL your idea to build..." I do my best to pass shit tests, and give hugs/reassurance for comfort test, EXCEPT, that she acts like a statue when I give her a hug/kiss/comfort.
A few days ago, I was getting something from a cupboard, and her bag fell to the floor, and some papers fell out, I started putting them back when something caught my eye, and I started reading it. 2 pages of her feelings... She wrote it out after a weekend, of non-sop shit tests/comfort tests.
I took a photo of the list, and here is a full list. The reason I am asking for some suggestions on answers is, in theory, I understand a lot of things, but in the middle of a particularly heated (when she is very agitated/angry/emotional) argument/tests I still freeze, and my brain stops thinking, so I will mainly STFU. I would like to be prepared for this, as she ha indicated she wants to talk....
Not sure where start/end is though, but here is a full list.
" You give off impression that you don't care"
" I wan't you to have some reaction to things.. Anger etc. "
" I don't know who you are anymore"
" You shut me out. Never discuss anything with me. Make decisions and expect me to be ok with it"
" You frustrate me"
" How do we resolve the conflict when it arises. I shut down and you become smug"
" I become physically uncomfortable around you when you are emotionally detached"
" Your way to piss me off, is to leave the room/house. I can't win with you"
" Meaningless affections " (kino...)
" Don't have the courtesy to tell me where you are going"
" Act like you always know better"
" Too laid back in my opinion, need to meet in the middle??"
" I don't feel you share anything with me anymore. Don't need to?"
"Never apologize for the way you make me feel"
" I don't trust you like I used to"
" Every time I try to have a casual discussion with you, you seem to be mocking me, this make me annoyed and reluctant to talk to you, about things, which you don't consider important to you"
" I don't feel like i can use your shoulder, unless its of interest to you. I feel like I am burdening you if I need your time/attention"
" What is this really about?"
" I am prepared to work on this, but both of us have to change"
" I find you frustrating"
My take on this:
I am not passing comfort tests. Not sure what else to do? As I said before, she acts like a statue when I hug her, give her a kiss.
I would like to think that I am not completely autistic in my interactions...
Her emotional/guilt manipulations are no longer working on me, and she is confused. Unfortunately, due to her upbringing this is the only way she knows how to interact...